To get a pet without asking DH?

[ThisAmpleCritic]

My mood is rubbish. Pet therapy is good, supposedly. DH does not want a pet. AIBU to get a pet without asking him? Just come home with one like “I DID A THING!”

ETA: I know a pet is not “just for Christmas”, I would love it dearly

Your MIL is toilet trained, bathes herself independently, and doesn't smell like rodents. It's an analogy.

Many people still don't want to live with either and that's not controlling. That's wanting our choice of peace and comfort in one's own home.

I couldn’t be with somebody who didn’t love pets or not want one 🤣

I’ve read your update that you mean a cat. Definitely Unreasonable. Cats take over the whole home, require paraphernalia, litter trays, get hair everywhere, bring in creatures from outside.

If it’s that important to you, you should see if you can compromise. As I said, I’m not a pet person (and thankfully neither is DH) but if the DC really wanted one when they are older I would probably allow something that lives in the garden as a compromise.

I mean that’s presumptuous 😅

I know a few adults who definitely smell worse than rodents and after using the bathroom after them being toilet trained also questionable.

Can you volunteer at animal rescues or volunteer on borrow my doggy? My partner doesn't like pets, but I need to get my animal fix, so I volunteer outside the home

OK, sure. My actual point was - you can't move your DM in without discussion, nor can you move a pet in without discussion. It's his home too.

If you are serious you are very naive. Firstly kittens are hard work (I’ve been there), secondly not all cats become lap cats. Please don’t get any animal unless everyone living in the house is onboard with it.

@ThisAmpleCritic if you want some cat snuggles have you looked at local cat cafes? I know one opened recently close to where I am and that would give you some affection and pet therapy whilst you don’t actually own the pet. I think volunteering at a sanctuary could be hard if you became attached to a cat and then couldn’t bring it Home.

I’d absolutely hit the roof if my DH pulled a stunt like this. I’ll never forget my dad letting me get a rabbit without asking my mum, she hates animals and wouldn’t let me bring it home so my Gran ended up lumped with it when she had cats who kept trying to get at it. Just bloody stupid. Everyone must be on board with a responsibility like this.

Not really no. Unless it's something that wouldn't impact on the other person whatsoever. A stick insect?

Definitely not a dog.

Please don't. DH and the children really really want a dog but I don't. I love dogs. They are amazing and I know I would love the dog BUT I don't want to go for walks; I don't want the mess, the paw prints, the hair, the slobber; I don't want the headache of sorting holidays or days out or coordinating its care. I don't want the responsibility and all the inconveniences that come with owning a pet. I don't want the arguments with my children on who will walk the dog in the rain. I don't want to clean dog poo. I know I would adore a dog but the negatives outweigh the positives. I would be apoplectic if DH just came home with a dog. Even a cat in the house will have an impact on your partner. Either get your DH on board or find a different way to get some pet Therapy.

I votes yabu. I have 3 myself and love them deeply but cats need lots of care just like dogs. They can ruin furniture (or in our house our doorframes are scratched to bits and they climb every surface possible) pee outside their litter box in the worse places if sick or stressed and they shed in Summer. They've destroyed our clothes with their kneeding. This is on top of the basics of taking care of cats and the associated costs. (Again, I love our cats dearly but this is the reality in our house, they won't just curl up in your lap and do nothing else)

If your DH doesn't want pets needing that level of care in the house (unlike a hamster or goldfish which can be kept out of his way) it needs to be respected and not suddenly put on him. Keep the conversation going, he may come around.

I wouldn't. A pet will make a big impact in your home and on DH too. He's got to have a say.

This is one of those things that is highly specific to your own relationship and lifestyle. We are smallholders, alot of our circle are smallholders. This is perfectly normal. Like it's a running joke. Both DH and I have bought all manner of animals without consulting the other, I think there's a meme along the lines of "I could bring home a shark and my husband would say "well that's inconvenient" and start building a tank".

I'm on the school run, if I came home with a kitten DH would not be phased in the slightest and vice versa.

It could go either way, only you know him well enough to know how he would react.

I don’t think it’s fair to keep on and on at him until he relents. That kind of nagging and pressuring just creates a bad atmosphere and even if he does concede, it wouldn’t be genuine.

Well that’s very different isn’t it, you and your DH are clearly animal people and if you already have lots, the impact of one more chicken or whatever is minimal

The thing with pets is that they complicate your life so much. Even if you took on all the care, it limits you in terms of travel, evenings out etc. That's why it has to be a joint decision.
I have friends who pet sit for this very reason. It's a nice little earner and you get to give them back.
It can also involve holidays. They pet sit all over the world. They stay in someone's house for free, feeding and cuddling a cat a few times a day.

Personally wouldn’t. I would not be happy if my partner did this to me.

Fish need a fair bit of work too. You don’t fill a bowl from a tap and add a fish. The tank needs to be suitable for said fish (research), you’ll need a filter which will need to be cycled, you need a heater depending on species and you’ll need water conditioner for water changes.

Don’t get any pet without discussing it first and do research.

No, someone cant move another human being into their partners home without agreement. There's additional costs, food, washing, space, another human body around, lack of privacy, arguing over the TV , general stress of living together etc.

A lot of pets have zero impact on anyone else in the household and theres a point where the one saying no is very likely just being an arse about it for arses sake.

A MIL being parachuted in to a family home v's a pet the rest of the household only have to get involved with if they choose isnt comparable at all (although I realise op is discussing a kitten which is different)

It’s not an animals job to provide therapy. Don’t bring animals into a situation where they are not completely wanted.

It's not just about you. No reputable rescue will rehome to a household where not everyone is committed to pet ownership

Do not do this. Seriously. A pet is another person with their own needs, and if it's very young it's basically a baby. Not a toy or a therapy tool. You need to be in a good place to care for a pet and not assume/hope that having one will get you there.

And if my OH came home with a pet I'd had no part in choosing I'd be very not pleased.

Depends on the pet really, a goldfish? a dog? a tarantula? a pot bellied pig?

There is a dog walking thing you can sign up to.
Walk a local dog. Free. No ties.
Borrow my doggie.

I signed up. Went off the idea.
Dog sat for a fortnight and that was enough.