To get a pet without asking DH?

[ThisAmpleCritic]

My mood is rubbish. Pet therapy is good, supposedly. DH does not want a pet. AIBU to get a pet without asking him? Just come home with one like “I DID A THING!”

ETA: I know a pet is not “just for Christmas”, I would love it dearly

Create an account in borrow my doggy. Where do you live? My dog would love more company when we have to go out with the kids to non dog friendly places

Absolutely not. Cruel to the pet.

So long as you are cool with your husband doing his thing, with no fucks given to what you may think. If so, fine.

Volunteer if you want pet therapy. You can absolutely not get a pet if your household is not on board OP. What happens when you mood stays rubbish and you lose interest?

Don't do it.

You're right, I didn't mean keep going on at him. That just leads to resentment if he relents. I meant more have a proper conversation about about what exactly puts him off a pet. Is it a dislike or a not now?

I have a friend who doesn't like pets, so for her that's a hard no. Someone who is not a pet person shouldnt be talked into one. Another friend likes pets, but it would hinder their lifestyle at the moment as they travel quite a lot and have just done their first home up so don't want one just yet. In that scenario it's about when they want a pet, more than if they want one. If OP isn't sure where her DH lands, she should find out and if it's a hard no it needs to be respected.

What the actual heck?

Kittens turn into cats. Some cats are not snuggly.

Our dog is 15 and still going strong. A pet can be a very long term commitment.

To bring a pet into a household without the consent of all the people who live there is bonkers, rude and not fair to the animal.

Pet therapy and getting a pet to keep in your home for the rest of their life are not the same thing. Therapy pets are trained and have handlers.

An emotional support cat is different to a therapy cat.

You're coming across as very childish and passive aggressive.

You are part of a partnership and therefore cannot just do whatever you damn well like.

Why can't you talk to him seriously about it?

Yeah, you can't get a kitten without agreement from your husband. Sorry.

A goldfish or a hamster that's entirely self contained and you clean and has no impact on his life... maybe.

But a kitten is a big pet that roams around the house. You need to be on the same page there.

If you want therapy snuggles maybe go to a cat cafe?

I would HATE living in the same house or flat as a cat or a dog. You don't have to be allergic or scared to strongly prefer a pet-free home.

Why not volunteer at a rescue centre? Best of both worlds…….you get the contact with animals and go home to a happy house

Try temporary fostering for cat home or borrow my dog.

This. The OP doesn't seem remotely concerned about the welfare of the animal. Her husband's dislike and objection will create a terrible atmosphere for the poor creature and probably lead to re-homing it. If one person, and significantly the shared homeowner, doesn't want a pet then it isn't going to have a good life no matter how you try to frame it. We are not talking about a cuddly toy or a comfort blanket ffs. It just makes me angry.

Go for it! Ask for forgiveness not permission

You would be getting a pet for the wrong reasons, and into a household where it isn't really welcome.

So, no.

YABMU

Do not, under any circumstances, do this. My friend got a dog against the express wishes of her DH and it has damn near broken her marriage. The husband is still upset after two years, completely ignores the dog, won’t look after or feed it, and it’s a terrible environment for the poor dog who can’t understand why he doesn’t love her.

And when he asks how many in the field are yours you can also pretend the most recent ones belong to a friend.

I bought a third dog without “asking or discussing” it with OH. Get your pet.

Your friend needs to make a choice - an easy one by the sound of it - bye husband.

Animals are a financial commitment though so if you’re married i.e. sharing finances then it’s a massive thing to suddenly bring an expensive animal into the house which might cost who-knows how much.

I adopted two kittens without consulting my partner and he was annoyed that he hadn’t been consulted, but we don’t live together and we see each other on weekends only which is IMO different.

But the one cat developed FIP and cost me £4k in vet bills. Had I been married to or living with him it would hardly have been fair to bring an animal which ended up costing that much into the house if he hadn’t wanted it.

I do think a discussion can be had, and I think that unlike having a baby, it’s perfectly reasonable to expect a justification for saying no, but I don’t think you can knowingly bring an animal into the house if you know your partner is against it.

I’ve asked my wife what her reaction would be - if I’ve paid £1000 for a pedigree she’d be pretty pissed off. If I adopted didn’t spend much she’d be fine.

On the other hand I’d be livid either way. But I also love animals so would love the animal while hating on my wife!

That’s not quite the same though is it - you already had two so it would be easier to assume it wouldn’t be a problem. The OPs DH has expressly said he does not want a pet

What pet specifically and what if he says you have to get rid of it?

It wouldn't be right to get a pet without agreement from everyone. However, I suspect you would have a better mood if you had a more supportive partner.

My partner agreed to all our pets - some more reluctantly than others, but agreement nonetheless. Several months later he suggested he 'should have put his foot down and said no' to some of them. I told him our house is a democracy, and my children and I wanted the pets we've got - he doesn't get the bigger say just because he's a man. He does love all the pets, though. He just has his stroppy moments!

You do know how expensive they are? Neutering, vaccinations, pet insurance, food … who’s paying for that?