To get a pet without asking DH?

[ThisAmpleCritic]

My mood is rubbish. Pet therapy is good, supposedly. DH does not want a pet. AIBU to get a pet without asking him? Just come home with one like “I DID A THING!”

ETA: I know a pet is not “just for Christmas”, I would love it dearly

Not always.

We have two cats who sense my mood and give huge amounts of love.
Some people will be 'grossed out: by this but the female cat licks the tears off my face when I cry. Yes, I know some of it is about getting salt but it's more about love/empathy.

However, pets should be agreed. Have you seen the number of threads where women are supported when they complain their partners have got pets they didn't agree to ?

Yea, hes still a bit of a prick with other things at times but hes never tried to shut down discussions or think he can just say no to things outright with no reason at all since the gerbil incident so he did learn from it (I wasn't expecting it to work tbh 😂)

He stopped Tbf he liked to think he could throw his weight around and have the final say in whatever he pleased, no discussion allowed and no rationale and I'd had enough of it. because you got some gerbils?

I think that would be both disrespectful to your partner, to ignore your wishes above theirs in a shared house, and cruel to the pet, who may not get to stay.

That would be the end of our marriage if my husband did that

No. You wouldn't actually do that, would you?

No no no, I'd go bonkers if my hubby did that and he'd do the same

You want a pet. He doesn’t so you’ll go ahead and say TA-DA 🪄 ?

Shi**y thing to do and incredibly selfish. If you need pet therapy volunteer at a local sanctuary or help an older person walk their dog.

I have, quite a few times. I fail to see why his “no” outweighs my “yes” when I am paying for and doing all care for said animals? If he had “told” me to rehome them, I would have said no.
He loves them all in the end.

Isn’t that really the same as why does your yes out rank his no?

Which is the exactly reason it should be a two yes kinda thing.

Absolutely no way.

I would not be living in the same house as some animal that my other half had randomly decided to buy.

There is no getting away from a pet - it will be everywhere, costing money, demanding attention, needing care.

Absolutely. Long term and very happy. It is the one thing I will not compromise on.

Do you have a local cat rescue? Ask if they need volunteers. All the snuggles, none of the arguments.

No. As much as I love my dogs, I am aware they are nothing like having children.

Please don't get a goldfish unless you've got a 180 litre tank or a pond. There's lots of tropical fish that are better suited to have at home. Sorry I know that's not the point of the thread. As you were.

He would still be affected by this pet. Every time you want to go away or even out for a long time. Holidays, weddings, funerals, visiting family, weekends away.
I have said no to another pet - we have a different lifestyle now and he is barely at home. I am not spending the next few years cleaning up dog sh*t from my garden.

I did. Kitten. He was not happy. But he came round. Who couldn’t love a lovely furry ball of fluff.

Now i feel bad but sorry not sorry. I knew he’d say no. And i look after it.

No, because I don’t expect him to pay or do any of the upkeep. I do all care, pay for everything, organise sitters etc. He doesn’t need to get involved at all if he doesn’t want to. He does though, because like I said, he loves them all in the end.

No, everyone has to be on board.

Taking a pet is always a commitment and affects everyone in house so you need DH to be happy about it too.

P.S. your kitten could be a non affectionate type, there is no guarantee. Could you settle for snuggles with DH?

Yep.

So so not OK on many levels.
I've actually discussed this exact scenario with dh before we got married - I never want a pet, ever, and if he's not OK with that then don't marry me.
This is the kind of thing that affects the other person's living space so much.
Would you hire a live-in nanny without discussing it? Or move your Mum into the loft conversion? I'd argue those things would affect your dh less than having to live with a pet, and are still very much not OK.

I think we need a little idea on your version of “pet” OP…
Terrapin/tank contained something you’re prepared to maintain, maybe but I would still be annoyed.
Dog/Cat/Giraffe/High vet bills and cannot go on holiday without drama fat no.