To think "half your age plus seven" is a massive pile of nonsense?

[TransportNerd]

Mumsnet seems to take a very dim view of age gap relationships, far more so than I think the general population does. I've seen plenty of age gap relationships work just fine.

Every single time they're discussed here, though, someone wheels out the "rule" that you shouldn't date someone younger than half your age plus seven years.

People treat it like it's absolutely set in stone, and that breaking this "rule" is some sort of disgusting taboo. I've even seen someone argue it should be enshrined in law, with penalties for those who break it.

Personally, I've always thought it was complete nonsense. It was simply something in a French novel in the early 1900s. It doesn't really take anything important into account, and ignores the principle that consenting adults can do what they like.

Quite apart from anything else, why is it plus seven? Why not five, eight or ten? I'm sure it's only seven because that's a number that's had mystic significance since ancient times. Not a good basis for making laws!

Anyway:

YABU - yes, it's a rule and shouldn't be broken
YANBU - it's a big pile of nonsense and doesn't mean anything

Yes I do because it would mean I could date someone age 22. In my 30s… gross

My husband is 18 years younger than me.
Been together 19yrs married 14yrs
I rest my case

15 years here. DH is the younger one and also best relationship for either of us. Neither of us really give a damn what anyone thinks tbh. We’re incredibly happy.

Love hearing this.
It really does work
Living proof here

As long as both people are happy and have their eyes open then why is it anyone else’s business?

I was 18 when I met my husband, he was 26. We’ve been together 27 years and married for 19 years.

Ewww. I’m 66, so anyone over 40 is acceptable? That’s the same age as my son. That’s a horrible thought.

Nor should they … amazing how some people are so invested in other people’s choices

There are age gaps though and then there are generation gaps.

There’s a vast difference for instance between a couple with a 10/15 year age gap, and a couple with an age gap which spans decades.

As for power imbalances, they can go both ways. While it can be argued that an older person has a greater power over a younger one, gold diggers really are a thing.

You will never convince me that the younger women who end up with these aging rock stars are in it for anything more than the money.

I’ve never heard of this rule. I just think it’s gross when a 30 year old wants to get with someone barely past a teen. It screams creep and controlling. They want some to manipulate.

Rubbish. I've been with a man 23 years younger than me for over 5 years best relationship I've ever had

What absolute rubbish.

I have not given it any thought since the last thread on it! But the OP asked a question so here I am.

If a 30y old man wanted to date my 18y old daughter, I would however be invested as hell.

I’m wondering if that’s my thread you’re talking about. I’m a 50 year old woman in a FWB situation with a 25 year old man. He is mature for his age and we have great fun together. We bring out the best in each other and not only sexually.

As I said on my thread, I’m not coercing him or grooming him, it’s a mutually beneficial situation. We’re both consenting adults and boundaries have been set. We have regular discussions to make sure we’re both still comfortable. We’re safe and sensible. He’s more thoughtful and considerate than any man I’ve been with who’s my age.

If people have a problem with that then so be it. I do accept not all relationships are like the one I’m in, and there can be an inbalance.

It's just a jokey comment

No, it was the one with a 37 year old man dating a 66 year old woman. I'm not appalled or disgusted by either that relationship, or yours. Haha.

I won't judge anyone's relationships, and I don't understand why so many people seem determined to do so.

Good on you. :)

Wow! Judgmental! My partner of 5 years is 51....I'm 74 best relationship I've ever had. Don't knock what we have

Give your head a wobble! You can't make laws like that I have a 23 year gap my male partner is the younger!

Even if you push the ick and power imbalance stuff aside I just don’t understand how it doesn’t play on the mind of the younger one…I often find myself thinking to the future and in my darkest moments fearing my husband dying and life without him, and we are the same age. A big age gap would play on my mind all the time. Not to mention wondering when our lives would slow down. I’d feel quite guilty as the older one too.

I think the only problem I can see is if it becomes serious. Sensibly a mid forties man isn’t likely to want to be with a mid seventies woman, which I think is completely understandable.

My situation is a more casual one, although it is exclusive. And I have to say I’m having the time of my life 😉

I’m 58 hubby is 81. Married 25 years 2 kids. He is fitter than I am and still working full time (his own company) He is the best husband I could ask for.

who chased who and what happened ?

I have a couple within my extended family of similar ages. Their relationship has been long lasting and happy. They've had 2 kids, and they're all lovely.

but what happens when its the younger one chasing the older

It all went to hell in the 28yo male /40 yo female relationship that I know of.

Why?If it suits 2 people that is fine. You are reinforcing OP post that mumset posters are anti big age gaps. What suits one person may be an anathma for another.