To be annoyed SIL showed DS her lactating breast

[dodomin]

DS just turned 4 and he walked in on SIL breastfeeding. He asked what she's doing and she said this is how I feed the baby milk. All fine with me. She asked him if he wants to see and he said yes. So she squeezed her nipples to show milk come out. I feel like that is unnecessary.. I feel like even I wouldn't have done that if I was breastfeeding.

AIBU to feel annoyed. Yes, I understand breasts are not sexual and they're functional parts etc. But it is still taught as a private part to children and I just don't appreciate it.

I mean, it's slightly odd but unlikely to have traumatised him! It's just milk 🤷‍♀️ and it's not like he's never seen a breast before, is it?

No it couldn't, you giant loon

YANBU. Haven’t read all the comments but it’s mumsnet so you’ll be piled on by people saying breasts shouldn’t be sexualised, breasts aren’t comparable to other private parts, it’s just a bodily function etc etc. Of course as adults we understand there is nothing sexual about breastfeeding. The problem is that young children don’t understand nuances and it would absolutely be a problem if your son went into school and tried to look at or touch a young girls’ breasts or even talk to her about them, because they’ve been normalised and he’s been taught “they’re just breasts not private parts”.

I include breasts as private parts when I talk to my young daughters about safeguarding.

He's 4. The girls at school are 4 or 5 and don't have breasts. They won't be looking after babies in school so he would have no reason to think they are breastfeeding. Kids aren't stupid.

You may as well say a little boy shouldn't be allowed to touch his pregnant mum's tummy in case he goes into school and tries to touch girls' tummies.

Op it sounds like you're not happy because you don't like your SIL. That's your perogative, but you haven't answered why no one was with him, and he was in a position to walk in on her breastfeeding. The fact that he did suggests that she'd gone somewhere private to feed, so it's not like she's making a big show of it for him. He could just have easily walked in on her expressing milk for later and seen exactly the same thing.

I dont agree about the penis but it is weird and yuck.

She was trying to be helpful I think .BF is a very natural way to feed your baby.Seems that she was maybe showing him how natural it was? I dont think she meant any harm

You're being ridiculous

What's wrong with honesty and learning truth about our bodies from an early age.

Things are only private because we deem them so.
We only deem them so because we create taboos.

I can't believe you think that a 4 year old will take anything away from this other than "ok, asked and answered".

Certainly won't be "traumatised" in later years as one PP said - unlikely to remember the incident but will likely remember what breasts are actually for.

I can't see how it is helpful. My seven year old understands how babies are fed and no one has ever given her a live demo of milk coming out

Everyone has breast tissue. Little girls don’t have developed breasts but that doesn’t stop predators so you can take your approach and I’ll take my approach of telling my daughters from a young age that breasts are private parts and nobody should ask to see or touch them. I’m not going to tell them breasts aren’t private and then suddenly at 11 tell them oh actually now they’re private. And I empathise with the OP because if she is trying to teach her young child that breasts are a private part it’s unhelpful to have something so odd happen. And no- I don’t mean BF is odd. I BF both my children. But squeezing your nipple to show a child who isn’t even your own milk coming out is odd behaviour IMO.

Yes of course it could. And thank you sincerely for the infantile attempt at an insult coupled with the petulant refusal - which you offered because you have no actual argument, thus proving me correct :)

Yep. All that - and it just wasn't the woman's place to educate him at all on any subject about the human body. It was fine to answer the question he asked, and then she overstepped, and that's that. The reason she left the voice note was to try to cover her arse as she knew she'd overreached.

Turns out, according to the updates, OP and her husband have chatted and decided to have nothing more to do with the woman, who they have rarely ever hung out with anyway and who has only met their child a few times, and won't bother discussing it with her, or allowing her access to their child to attempt any further boundary breaking.

Best solution going forward really.

I think OP is being unfairly piled on, what a shock for breastfeeding to cause such black and white, knee jerk purity spiral behaviour. 🙄

So if we’re all ok with small children learning about natural bodily functions from people who aren’t their parents, perhaps I’ll tell my 4 year old niece about periods and what purpose they serve. I’m so sure my sister in law won’t mind I won’t even ask her before I educate her little girl. After all, periods aren’t shameful, why would there be a problem?

No of course I won’t, because that would be overstepping in something that should be explained by her parents.

Perhaps you wouldn't be in a situation where your niece wouldn't walk in on you in the bathroom though?
The OP hasn't explained, if she doesn't like her SIL or trust her boundaries, why the nephew was able to wander and walk in on her breastfeeding. SIL hasn't gone out of her way to educate him, she's responded in the moment when he's walked in and seen her.

Yes, everybody has breast tissue, including boys. And the child is a child, not a predator.

I still don't see why demonstrating milk flow is odd. Would showing how a bottle works be odd? BFing isn't sexual, and it isn't a waste product that needs to be hidden for decency.

My niece may see sanitary products (and bins) at many times in her little life, in her own bathroom, in other people’s bathrooms, supermarkets, public toilets etc. If she asks me what they are for, my job is to say “ask your mum”, and give my SIL a heads up.
Honestly, in the rush to destroy any sense of appropriateness and social boundaries, safeguarding has just fallen by the wayside.

This was entirely unnecessary. A brief explanation would have been more than enough, she did not need to provide a demonstration.
All body parts perform vital functions, but some are private for a reason.

Ewww. I can understand why you felt annoyed. Totally unnecessary.

No but the OP did say they’re not close.

Fine tonne, he’s 4 not a teenager.

I really can’t see the objection to showing a curious 4 year old.

If you’d said he was 14, I could understand why you wouldn’t like it.

Comparing potty training to breast feeding? Nah!

I know, which is why I'm wondering where the parents were and why the 4 year old was in a position to walk into a room SIL had gone to breastfeed on her own!

No that wouldn’t be odd because bottles are never sexualised and children are never told bottles should be private and if anyone asks to see their bottle they should tell someone.

Yes, it is. A man might discretely relieve himself behind a tree when necessary and a woman might discretely breastfeed her child in public where necessary.

Both cases are absolutely fine, natural and expected in that context. In neither case is it appropriate to deliberately expose oneself to a nearby child while you do it even to "show them how it works".