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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed SIL showed DS her lactating breast

261 replies

dodomin · 30/06/2026 23:07

DS just turned 4 and he walked in on SIL breastfeeding. He asked what she's doing and she said this is how I feed the baby milk. All fine with me. She asked him if he wants to see and he said yes. So she squeezed her nipples to show milk come out. I feel like that is unnecessary.. I feel like even I wouldn't have done that if I was breastfeeding.

AIBU to feel annoyed. Yes, I understand breasts are not sexual and they're functional parts etc. But it is still taught as a private part to children and I just don't appreciate it.

OP posts:
Ohcrap082024 · 01/07/2026 07:59

I’m with the OP on this one. Fine to tell a 4 year old that you are breastfeeding. Absolutely no need for SIL to show your DS her lactating breasts.

The fact that she messaged you about it shows you she knows it wasn’t her place to do that.

From what you have posted, I think it would be wise to keep a healthy distance. This is your DH’s sibling, leave it to him to maintain any contact.

InSlovakiaTheCapitalOfCourseIsBratislava · 01/07/2026 08:00

There is also always the possibility the son said “how does the milk come out” and lo, the demonstration

Snufkin88 · 01/07/2026 08:01

I wouldn’t care . He’s 4 and it’s educational for him to know what breasts are actually for. What are you implying ?

Puppupyayyoo · 01/07/2026 08:03

A body part can be functional and still private. Genitals and bottoms are functional. That does not mean every demonstration involving those body parts is automatically appropriate. Not saying those are precisely the same as not used for feeding but as a general principle I think it is a useful starting place.

Personally, I think it would have been fine to show DS breastfeeding in so far that the baby is to the beast but squeezing the nipple goes further and I understand why you wouldn't find it appropriate.

NinjaCoffee · 01/07/2026 08:28

I am all for teaching kids about biology/the human body etc but I do think showing a four year old that was a bit much. A 7 year old? Maybe? A four year old won’t really compute and will likely go into nursery asking to see milk come out of his teachers breasts!! Not required, a simple explanation would have been enough.

Littlemisssunshine1982 · 01/07/2026 08:34

To all the posters saying it’s normal, if he had approached a random woman sitting on a bench who was breast feeding and she went on to show him the milk coming out of her breast would this also be acceptable?
im with you op if you have another baby and was to do this that’s fine you are his mum but for anyone else absolutely not, not their place to educate your child in this way.

Backawayfromthesausage · 01/07/2026 08:35

Littlemisssunshine1982 · 01/07/2026 08:34

To all the posters saying it’s normal, if he had approached a random woman sitting on a bench who was breast feeding and she went on to show him the milk coming out of her breast would this also be acceptable?
im with you op if you have another baby and was to do this that’s fine you are his mum but for anyone else absolutely not, not their place to educate your child in this way.

Edited

Why do people do this weird thing. Of creating imaginary worse scenarios. The woman is his aunt, in his house. No of course random women can’t do it. How odd to even ask,

wishingonastar101 · 01/07/2026 08:37

dodomin · 30/06/2026 23:12

Am I really? I'm a bit surprised. I don't have a problem with breastfeeding or feeding in public at all. But to squeeze your nipple to show a kid... That's the bit I find excessive. He also didn't ask to see it.

Edited

Well done for not having a problem with something utterly natural and normal.

Littlemisssunshine1982 · 01/07/2026 08:39

Backawayfromthesausage · 01/07/2026 08:35

Why do people do this weird thing. Of creating imaginary worse scenarios. The woman is his aunt, in his house. No of course random women can’t do it. How odd to even ask,

Show quote history

What’s odd is people thinking it’s ok! The op wasn’t there she received a voice note from the sil to say what happened and he might have questions.

Jennalong · 01/07/2026 08:44

On the fence about this .Tbh after giving birth and in the throes of breastfeeding you are so used to your body almost feeling that it doesn't just belong to you as so many people have seen it , poked it about , you feel quite desensitised to it , so perhaps showing her boob to a small child becomes like showing an elbow !

MrsPapillon · 01/07/2026 08:46

Would you have a problem with your child being shown how a goat is milked on a trip to the farm? If not, you really need to challenge your attitudes towards breast feeding.

DogsandFlowers · 01/07/2026 08:48

dodomin · 30/06/2026 23:17

I mean if DS was a girl and her uncle was weeing in the toilet and she said "what are you doing?" it would be inappropriate to be like "look this is where wee comes out of". That too serves a function.

I think showing him was excessive. Explaining it is not.

Edited
Show quote history

STOP IT!!! I know it’s not funny but I can’t stop laughing at that

SixtySomething · 01/07/2026 08:52

I think what she did was a really good idea.

Lexy2345 · 01/07/2026 08:54

At least your son will grow up knowing breasts are for feeding babies primarily, and not for grown men to gawp at.

SowWhatNow · 01/07/2026 08:54

occamsrazor26 · 01/07/2026 01:57

Oh, are you being sarcastic? Hard to tell with MN 🤔

Show quote history

No I genuinely can't tell from your post. I guess though, from your response here, that you probably were being sarcastic then. Thanks for clarifying!

thepariscrimefiles · 01/07/2026 08:58

SowWhatNow · 30/06/2026 23:29

You omitted to say she squeezed her nipple in his face in your OP. Yes, that is weird.

What is not weird is having a conversation with a 4yo who is inquisitive and asking questions, wondering how things work.

Show quote history

It's in the OP that OP's SIL squeezed her nipple to show him the milk coming out.

Forestgreenblue · 01/07/2026 09:00

She’s done it with the best intentions to educate a child on how a baby is fed. He’s 4.

He probably won’t remember it in a few days anyway.

PussyGaylore · 01/07/2026 09:01

It’s an interesting one . . . I think I’d feel uncomfortable about it too but be asking myself why? I don’t really have the answer

I know that when I was breastfeeding all mine that when I was doing it, it felt like the most natural and wonderful thing ever and I was so in my own bubble I was blissfully unaware of how uncomfortable it made some people feel. It came as a shock at first when people passed comment on my perceived uninhibited breast feeding

Would you feel the same if she had shown him your lactating cat or dog who had just given birth? I sounds like she is simply being a good aunt who is engaging with her curious nephew and hasn’t realised that what she is doing could be seen as inappropriate.

If she’s a nice person and you trust her then let it go she’s just caught up in the moment and wants to share that with your son who has shown an interest.

Dollymylove · 01/07/2026 09:01

dodomin · 30/06/2026 23:17

I mean if DS was a girl and her uncle was weeing in the toilet and she said "what are you doing?" it would be inappropriate to be like "look this is where wee comes out of". That too serves a function.

I think showing him was excessive. Explaining it is not.

Edited
Show quote history

Thats not really comparable is it

SowWhatNow · 01/07/2026 09:02

thepariscrimefiles · 01/07/2026 08:58

It's in the OP that OP's SIL squeezed her nipple to show him the milk coming out.

Show quote history

It's in the OP that she squeezed her nipple.

It is not in the OP that she squeezed her nipple "in his face".

Only one of those situations would be weird when answering a 4yo's questions about breastfeeding a baby.

supersop60 · 01/07/2026 09:08

dodomin · 30/06/2026 23:17

I mean if DS was a girl and her uncle was weeing in the toilet and she said "what are you doing?" it would be inappropriate to be like "look this is where wee comes out of". That too serves a function.

I think showing him was excessive. Explaining it is not.

Edited
Show quote history

That is SO not the same.
My aunt did exactly the same to me when I was about 4, I just accepted it as matter of fact. And maybe your DS will grow up to realise there is no mystery about breasts, and they are not there just for men’s pleasure and entertainment.

eroberts77 · 01/07/2026 09:21

I am with you. Totally weird and unnecessary. I would never dream of doing it, even to my own kids! I breast fed in public but was discrete and wouldn’t squeeze my nipple! Jesus!

Lemonpandas · 01/07/2026 09:30

She overstepped with the demo ... unnecessary

Discodance1988 · 01/07/2026 09:37

I'm with you OP, many women are obviously going to stand up and say breasts aren't sexual but truth is they are. They serve both purposes, feeding babies and being sexually attractive to men/women (depending on the individuals sexuality), we give birth out of our vaginas but we aren't showing children who ask 'how are babies born' our vaginas are we? No because that would be considered sexual abuse and indecent.

There's a huge difference between a child being present whilst a baby is breastfed which could be used as a teachable moment without squeezing the nipple and showing the entire breast and what your SIL did with your child.

OneQuirkyPanda · 01/07/2026 09:56

I really don’t see the big deal, he’s 4, not 14, he’s not going to sexualise his aunt’s breast. Some 4 year olds are still being breastfed, they don’t see it as sexual (because it’s not), they are small children and he was curious.

Presumably, as he’s 4 years old he goes in with you in public toilets and changing rooms? So he sees you naked and using the toilet. Why is that okay, but this is inappropriate?