To be annoyed SIL showed DS her lactating breast

[dodomin]

DS just turned 4 and he walked in on SIL breastfeeding. He asked what she's doing and she said this is how I feed the baby milk. All fine with me. She asked him if he wants to see and he said yes. So she squeezed her nipples to show milk come out. I feel like that is unnecessary.. I feel like even I wouldn't have done that if I was breastfeeding.

AIBU to feel annoyed. Yes, I understand breasts are not sexual and they're functional parts etc. But it is still taught as a private part to children and I just don't appreciate it.

I breastfed both my dd’s so completely open about breastfeeding but I still think it’s a bit odd. You can tell a 4 year old what’s happening, it’s not necessary to see it in real time.

Ffs

She sounds like a typical they/them !

Actually, there is no contradiction between considering breasts a private part and showing a child a breast while feeding a baby. We teach children that some parts of our body are private. We also teach them that it is only ok to show or touch any part of the body of a person with the other person's enthusiastic consent. The OP's SIL voluntarily showed OP's DS her breast in a physiological function when he asked about it with genuine curiosity (it would have been very different if any adult had shown her DS a private part unprompted, and in a sexual way, but that was not the case here).

The most important thing here is to respect OP's feelings as the mother of this child. She is uncomfortable not only because of the nature of what happened, but also because this situation happened after repeated breaching of boundaries, so she is right to feel this situation was not handled appropriately by her SIL.

At the same time, this gives the OP a great tool to deal with the situation in a positive, educational way with her DS. She can now, if she chooses, bring up the conversation with her DS, praising him for asking for permission and respecting a breastfeeding mother. This is indeed, excellent behaviour from a 4 year-old, which deserves praise and respect. She can also offer to answer more questions he may have about it, and in this way she can choose what information she gives to her DS and guide him about how to act about this in the future.

I always chose to show my children things when they were younger than the point of which they became sexualised
So my kids would turn up in the bathroom as toddlers always do When I was changing a tampon or pad and I wouldn’t hide it. when they would inevitably asked me when I was doing, I would explain in age-appropriate language what menstruation was

They were young enough to be honest the blood probably would’ve freaked them out if they didn’t know it was a normal thing and they listened. They took it on board and moved on and didn’t really think anything else of it but it meant that they grew up understanding menstruation and that it was not shameful. It was normal like going to the toilet was normal.

And I had the same sort of conversation conversations about breastfeeding or childbirth or anything else that happened to come along in life much as the breastfeeding situation did

And because it was just introduced in a manner like your sister-in-law where it was just part of normal life and an age where your son was so young it wasn’t sexualised. It just became a normal accepted aspect of life which is exactly what it should be.

So we didn’t ever have a point where it was ever any awkwardness or the point which we had to discuss something or educate them because they were introduced to things in an age appropriate way before these things became an issue.

And breastfeeding is a very natural nonsexual act of feeding a baby

I think what she did was brilliant and I hope you’ll be able to see how this is the sort of way children grow up with normal things being normalised

Are you still live in communities and large extended families where children would grow up seeing breastfeeding very openly and they didn’t grow up with this weird hyper sexualised view? What breasts were?

Did you breatfeed? It's not the same as peeing.

I know people who were still breastfeeding their 4 yr olds.

My nephews were around that age and fascinated and my soul who bottle fed was pinched limped and prudish about me.feeding in her house. The kids though were fascinated. I wouldn't have showed them milk coming out but they were wandering around while I pumped

I think it’s fine, shows him a healthy side of what breasts are and what they are for.

He is four so he'll be fine.

It was an over step if it offends you, Op.

I do advise that you look for a working dairy farm to visit. Watch the cows or goats being milked and watch young sheep suckling.
Normalise the fact that lactation produces milk.

That could be fun.
Take the whole family, especially if you have teenagers.

No that's weird. YANBU were very open with DS, he's just turned 5, we breed animals, he's seen births and mating, he's seen multiple animals fed from their mother, and has seen me breastfeed his little brother many times. But we also teach about your privates and an auntie should not be showing you her nipple or squeezing her tits in front of a child. That is not teaching safe or healthy boundaries.

Breastfeeding is fine, absolutely fine, her behaviour was over the line of normal. I would never show someone else's kid my nipple. You just explain it comes out the same as in a baby bottle.

You should be grateful that she explained it to him so simply and in a down to earth manner

Children cannot enthusiastically consent. A child asking to see or touch an adults, or child's privates (including breasts) is not consent. Children ARE curious and inquisitive. It is adults jobs to teach boundaries. Not rely on children to consent to things they don't yet understand.

YANBU. She crossed a boundary. Maybe she regrets doing it after possibly enthusiastically explaining to a young child and this is possibly why she text you.

I have bf in front of my niece before. She knows what it is. And I am all for women feeding babies wherever and whenever they want and need to. But no, I would not be showing her my boob nor squeezing milk out of it. That is weird.

If you were so concerned about hiding how babies are fed, you should have kept your son out of her room. I would not have a problem with this at all, nor would I be bothered if a small child asked if I was producing milk if I was the mother of a baby.

And no, it's not the same as a penis. Not at all.

I’m mightily surprised by this thread. I breastfed all of my DC and when I was feeding the youngest my eldest was 10/11. I never would have popped my breast out to squeeze it and show him the milk coming out. It’s fucking weird.

I actually think that is lovely. Breastfeeding is a normal activity but even now it is often still considered something to be hidden away. I would be pleased in your shoes, OP.

It really isn't.

How patronising.
OP has NO issue with her son learning about BF. Did you even read her post?
She is uncomfortable about his Auntie squeezing her nipple to show milk coming out.

There are some posts that show just how freaking wild mumsnet is and this is one of them.
Back in the real world where breastfeeding is completely normal - what isn't normal is squeezing your nipple to show ANYONE the milk coming out.

Agree. I had a good old chat about how babies are born with DS - then 4 or 5.
Talked about holes. Women have 3, men have 2 etc.
”Can I see?” he asked.
Errrr no!

Editing to add - I don’t then agree with the second part of your post. I don’t think it’s the SIL’s place to be teaching her just turned 4 yo nephew this.

YABU. I don't see the issue.

I agree op that is a bizarre thing to do. I feel like pps haven't read your post properly, op isn't concerned about her son seeing someone breastfeeding, she squeezed her nipple at him to demonstrate. Completely inappropriate and weird

Of course it is. You don't need to show anyone that except the feeding baby

I agree with you OP, but people are becoming less and less inhibited by basic privacy norms and usually have absolutely no understanding of how that weakens child safeguarding.

Most people are not intentionally grooming children not to recognise when an adult is being inappropriate but by normalising adults deliberately showing them their naked private parts, that is precisely what they're doing.

It means that when an adult says, "look at this" and exposes themselves to a child with nefarious intentions the child's spidey senses don't go off because, well Auntie Linda did it too, and everyone was fine with it and thought it was normal so this is fine and not even worthy of remark to my parents.