AIBU to refuse my daughter’s belongings after she moved to her dad’s?

[Bigglebiggle]

DD13 has been in trouble recently and there has been consequences to her actions which she did not like so has gone to live with her dad. She has not spoke to me in 3 weeks, no doubt because dad has been influencing her. She has messaged me today asking for some stuff from her home and that her dad will bring her to collect it. AIBU saying no as the items belong in our house as I purchased them, and she shouldn't be rewarded for bad behaviour?

No OP. You are the adult here and you don't want to go to war with a young teen. She will be far more commited than you.

This is the long game. Put your emotions to one side.

I can't imagine where things started to go wrong. Be the grown up.

So she wants minor trinkets and you're saying no as a power play?

Do you think you own her?

Weren't those things bought and gifted freely? At what point can she feel secure that she owns her own things? She can't earn and buy her own stuff at this aye, which us why you're making it a power play.

I think teddies and trinkets are hers op, furniture is yours. I know you’re hurt but the end goal is surely a reasonable relationship with your daughter, and this isn’t the way to get there.

She will need them here for when she comes back. She has lived with me for 13 years, ive looked into it and the courts don't like them being moved from the residential parent as it causes disruption to the child

So what about the men you have made her live with??

I've linked her other thread but basically OPs daughter disclosed to school that she didn't feel safe at home, her dad believed her and got a court order that now states she lives with him. OP doesn't believe her daughter and apparently didn't know about the court order or court date until school? told her (which only happens if a child is at immediate risk)

Teddy's and trinkets in my opinion are personal things to her that she feels comforted by, so I would definitely let her have those sort of things,
By withholding them you are manipulating her into making a choice of coming home to you to have them... or staying with her dad which she has chosen to live with
Ultimately she will remember you for this
Be kind to your daughter even through the strife she's causing you, she's only 13 x

13 years old, she really is a child trying to figure things out in the world and you are just being nasty

i’ve not read your other threads, I don’t want to, but how you can be this mean to your child I don’t know

@Bigglebiggle DD13 has been in trouble recently

What kind of ‘trouble’? Can you give some examples of her recent behaviour.

But, I think you’re being incredibly nasty not to allow your own daughter to collect some sentimental trinkets and teddies.

If she moves back in, she will bring her teddies back with her. But, your behaviour is making it highly unlikely she will want to move back. At 13, the court will not force her to do anything she doesn't want to. If she wants to live with her dad, especially in light of your changed personal circumstances, they will accept that.

No OP. Why are you only responding to just about the only PP who agreed with you? That PP is wrong! Those things belong to your DD, they were bought for her. If you take them away from her you’ll alienate her further. Grow up.

Poor kid.

I remember being an absolute brat, for external reasons, with my mum aged 16

after a few stand up rows I remember her say to me quietly ‘I don’t want to fight with you, you are my daughter’ and it stopped me in my rage. Maybe you could try something similar

But it’s not causing your DD disruption though, is it ? She’s happy with her Dad, had previously told her school and her Dad that she was unhappy living with you and did not like your current partner. The Court will listen to a 13 year old, she is not going to be forced to go back and live with you.

Stop playing nasty games. You are supposed to be the adult here.

Why would she come back with the way you think about her?

Are you also 13?

Please grow up and be a parent.

You should have thought of the possibility of causing disruption before your trail of men caused so much disruption really. I remember your last thread. No point trying to get through to you.

unless they believe she is at immediate risk which is clearly what they believe if her dad has a court order which you say you didn't know about. the 'oh she lived with me for 13 years' means nothing if she doesn't feel safe with her step dad. which she has told you but you don't want to believe it. she is not going to be forced to live with you. you need to accept that.

I doubt she's going to come back if after 3 weeks she's asked for them and is still with dad despite the 'oh she'll come running back soon'. she'll only come back if you stop putting men before her and actually listen to her concerns and why she doesn't feel safe.

Name one good reason for her to come back.

There doesn't appear to be one.

My heart goes out to her with all she's dealing with.

Whoa, kidnapping a teddy is a bit much! Though the other thread did mention her being on the wrong side of the law recently - so give that bear a full cavity search first in case he’s stuffed like a mule

Since she has moved in with her dad following a court order, you are no longer the residential parent and she wants her stuff at her dad's house.

It turns out it wasn't an emergency order as my child was not at, and never had been at risk. He has just applied for a c100. She is at the age where she does not like being told what to do, such as tidying after herself and does not like consequences to her actions. She knows at dads she can have her phone back, stay up late on weekends and sit infront of a screen all day

Just give the child her teddies ffs. I can’t believe you think she would ever come back if you’re going to be so cruel.