AIBU Secret spare keys

[ShesGotAway]

So partner and I have recently bought a house in a town nearby to my parents.

Prior to buying to house my DM didn't know the seller but in the process of buying got really really chummy with them and helped them move and clear the house.

We think in this time my DM managed to obtain a spare key. There was only one set of keys declared and that's all we received from the seller. But there was a niggling feeling in my gut about it. My DM hasn't done this before specifically but she has form for other, similar behaviour. Not something I could outwardly ask her about either.

At a recent family gathering someone else brought up the topic of ring cameras and how they have one at home for the dog when they leave her for a short while. I brought up that we'd just purchased a ring doorbell for ours.

Cue a very angry 'well why on earth would you want one of those!' from my DM.

I explained to the group that we'd only received one set of keys when we'd bought the house and I felt like another set of keys could have been left with someone else by mistake (the seller had lived here for an awfully long time). I explained I felt uncomfortable with this as did my partner so we'd bought the doorbell just incase. (We do also receive a very high volume of packages as I use a room in the house as storage for my business).

I don't think I've ever seen my DM in such a silent rage before. And I have quite frankly taken this as proof that she's done exactly what we thought and managed to get a set of keys for our house!

AIBU- she hasn't got a spare

YANBU- she's definitely got a spare key

Every person I know changes the locks the day you move it.

She is completely off her rocker but we've moved in full knowledge of this.

Moving out of area would have meant moving my whole business which would have been a massive income drop as it not the kind of thing you'd travel 40 minutes for when it was previously round the corner.

We did also have a healthy set of friends and a 'village' here. Not one I'm willing to lose or out distance between on account of my mum, she doesn't get to take that from me.

From your post OP, yes, it definitely sounds as if your Mum has managed to get herself a set of keys from the previous owner. Your Mum is batshit crazy, as well as being highly manipulative. Someone has got to be (to use a MN word!) unhinged to deliberately make friends with someone to obtain a set of keys.

I have never heard of anyone changing the locks to a house, when they move in. I certainly didn't when I moved into my property 12 years ago. In your position OP, I would definitely change the locks for both the front/back door and set up that Ring camera.

I wouldn't tell her you've changed the locks though!!!

A very entertaining thread, you write in a humorous way, @ShesGotAway but omg, sounds like you have a long and very difficult history with your mum and have had to work damn hard to get out from her controlling behaviour. I’m a bit puzzled as to how she became friendly with your seller? Did you show her round/take her on a viewing?

God, I needed a thread like this today. Thanks, OP! 🥤 🍿

Did you move to be closer to your parents on purpose? If so - WHY???

Ah ok, you already lived close, that makes more sense, I thought you'd moved TO BE close

And you asked all those people whether they changed their locks? While apparently unaware until now that it was a thing?

We changed our locks, but I'm pretty sure that it never came up in conversation with any of our friends.

Yet you say you'll end up doing the locks but he can manage to go to a shop alone...

This is so not the point of this thread. Are you trying to catch the OP out?

We have indoor cats. They may decide to take a nap whilst he's trying to refit the locks. They may not. If he's alone he can manage sleeping cats but not ones trying to actively escape the house!

The cats are a non issue whilst he's at Screwfix!

Thanks for posting this. I thought it was just me!

I thought everyone changed the locks in a new home as you have no idea who has a key!

No chance just the 5 lever would be £45 and you should change the Yale as well, probably at least £25.

OP as someone with a similar (although maybe not quite as insane) mum, you've got my sympathies and also would love to exchange batshit stories with you over a coffee haha.

And I've never even heard of changing the locks when you buy a house....do I just live in a very safe area or is everyone I know doing this and keeping it secret?

I'd definitely change the locks - it's very unlucky that there isn't another set somewhere. A ring cam won't stop someone entering, and by then it's too late.

Changing the locks wouldn't have helped if the thieves just opened the door....Unless you're saying the estate agent gave his dodgy mates a spare key.

Not at all.

The cats weren't mentioned. Makes sense now.

edited as seen update.

No, it isn't the first thing you do when you buy a house - I have never changed the locks, for one thing it is expensive. But if you think there are spare keys floating around - not usually a thing - then you would. No reason not to have a ring doorbell as well, of course.
Why on earth does OP's DM think she should have keys? I mean, it might be useful and my DSS, DD and DS all have a set of my keys, but I gave them sets myself.

Most people don't. Though apparently (upthread) if you live in Clapham it might be wise.

I'm so sorry. It sounds like your mother has a disordered personality. Your examples are 100% mental.

The cats were mentioned as to why DP may need help in changing them though I think it's one of my earlier replies so easily missed!

It's not expensive at all. A tenner a door and it takes five minutes, max.

Honestly, you sound amazingly sane and lucid given how batshit your mother is.

I'm mentally high-fiving you for the performative conversation you and your DP set up - evil genius on your parts. I love it!

I'll admit I haven't canvassed everybody I know to determine whether they change the locks as soon as they move into a house, but it's not something I realised was a thing so I'm guessing it's not universal. Well I know it's not universal because it's never even crossed my mind to do it. Is the danger that the people that the previous owners trusted enough to give keys to decide to turn into wrong 'uns and rob your house? Seems unlikely tbh. Our door is unlocked most of the time anyway so there'd be no point.

But yeah I would change the locks here, the mum sounds crackers.