AIBU Secret spare keys

[ShesGotAway]

So partner and I have recently bought a house in a town nearby to my parents.

Prior to buying to house my DM didn't know the seller but in the process of buying got really really chummy with them and helped them move and clear the house.

We think in this time my DM managed to obtain a spare key. There was only one set of keys declared and that's all we received from the seller. But there was a niggling feeling in my gut about it. My DM hasn't done this before specifically but she has form for other, similar behaviour. Not something I could outwardly ask her about either.

At a recent family gathering someone else brought up the topic of ring cameras and how they have one at home for the dog when they leave her for a short while. I brought up that we'd just purchased a ring doorbell for ours.

Cue a very angry 'well why on earth would you want one of those!' from my DM.

I explained to the group that we'd only received one set of keys when we'd bought the house and I felt like another set of keys could have been left with someone else by mistake (the seller had lived here for an awfully long time). I explained I felt uncomfortable with this as did my partner so we'd bought the doorbell just incase. (We do also receive a very high volume of packages as I use a room in the house as storage for my business).

I don't think I've ever seen my DM in such a silent rage before. And I have quite frankly taken this as proof that she's done exactly what we thought and managed to get a set of keys for our house!

AIBU- she hasn't got a spare

YANBU- she's definitely got a spare key

Do you think she had used the jet already ?

but yes first thing after buying a house is to change locks so glad you are

@NoCommentingFromNowOn i was a landlady for 8 years and that was never in the lease agreement / clauses. It was a quick Google search as those documents are long gone. Anyway move on, nothing to see here....

Its a requirement for a fair few home insurance policies.

When my parents moved out of our childhood home we left about 5 sets of keys. Didn't bother about collecting the other 2 sets in weekly use, my brother abroad set or those that random cousins who had lived there still had.

Have always changed the locks.

I have no idea why you wouldn’t have just fitted the Ring doorbell AND change the locks and wait for the evidence, so you could confront her.

Definitely a Mumsnet thing. I’ve never changed the locks in the many houses I’ve had and no one I know has ever did it either.

Cancel the check

Not paranoid, she just knows her own Mum.

I think her becoming friends with your seller and helping them move etc is incredibly weird too! I would be changing the locks!

Change locks and give mum a key. My kids both have keys to mine and I have keys to theirs. Everyone knocks first.

Why on earth would I give my mum a key? 🤔

You really MUST update us after you change the lock and your mum finds out, OP!

When we moved in we didn't have time to change the locks on the day. Luckily the back door and front door locks were the same type so DH just swapped the barrels. If anyone had a key to the front door they would think we had already changed the locks. Our house was previously a rental so anyone could have had a key. We changed the locks properly a few days later.

We all have each others keys but we also all water plants, feed fish, walk each others dogs look after the grandchildren wait for deliveries etc etc. We are a normal close family.

However we give each other keys we don't secretly take them so you clearly have a weird dynamic going on Just change the locks and talk to your mother secretly keeping keys is very strange behaviour and Id be worried about early onset dementia.

My in laws do have a key for this purpose.

Unfortunately I do not come from a normal family but appreciate that this is perfectly reasonable for everyone else.

I was just wondering in the context of the post, why I'd specifically give my mum keys 😅

its a "thing" on mn

much more fun to get a ring doorbell and see who does have keys when they arrive on the doorstep forgetting you are alerted and can see them

If it's early onset dementia it started about 40 years ago.

Unfortunately she's always been like this.

Not giving out keys to your home to family or anyone else is perfectly normal and well within standard behaviour - and lots don't.

And you're not worried in the slightest about early onset dementia 😆

Some people are sneaky and overbearing, and as OP has already explained this woman has form for weird behaviour.

Anyway, OP's question was do we think her mum has stolen a set of keys or not, and the answer is yep probably she stole a set of keys.

So obviously OP won't be giving her another set.

Nope, absolutely normal and standard, I've been doing it for decades and I moved house a lot as a young woman. And every single time I moved to a new flat I'd add a new lock, as that was usually cheaper than changing all the others.

Doesn't everyone always change the locks when they buy a house?
The previous owners could have given keys to anybody!
And of course have a Ringo style doorbell as many people do now (as we do).

I was just chatting to my husband about this thread and laughing at some of the funny stories and then I said “we never changed the locks when we bought the house” and he replied “it’s the first thing I did” 😂🤣

just change the locks most simple solution and probably cheaper than a ring thing

I think the maddest part is moving CLOSE to this mum 😳

Just out of interest, what do you think she would be doing round at your house when you’re out? Just having a snoop?

I can’t see how OP is being paranoid. If anything they could have been a little more security conscious and changed the locks.

Oh it would have been fun if you are correct - and I think you are to have installed the doorbell, changed the locks without breathing a word..and waited.

You could always do a variation of that, changing the script and report back here accordingly 🍿