AIBU Secret spare keys

[ShesGotAway]

So partner and I have recently bought a house in a town nearby to my parents.

Prior to buying to house my DM didn't know the seller but in the process of buying got really really chummy with them and helped them move and clear the house.

We think in this time my DM managed to obtain a spare key. There was only one set of keys declared and that's all we received from the seller. But there was a niggling feeling in my gut about it. My DM hasn't done this before specifically but she has form for other, similar behaviour. Not something I could outwardly ask her about either.

At a recent family gathering someone else brought up the topic of ring cameras and how they have one at home for the dog when they leave her for a short while. I brought up that we'd just purchased a ring doorbell for ours.

Cue a very angry 'well why on earth would you want one of those!' from my DM.

I explained to the group that we'd only received one set of keys when we'd bought the house and I felt like another set of keys could have been left with someone else by mistake (the seller had lived here for an awfully long time). I explained I felt uncomfortable with this as did my partner so we'd bought the doorbell just incase. (We do also receive a very high volume of packages as I use a room in the house as storage for my business).

I don't think I've ever seen my DM in such a silent rage before. And I have quite frankly taken this as proof that she's done exactly what we thought and managed to get a set of keys for our house!

AIBU- she hasn't got a spare

YANBU- she's definitely got a spare key

So good enough friend to have a key but not close enough to know that his mate was moving house? Weird 🤔

I must admit that I don’t agree with a lot of Mumsnetters on topics like “never answer your door unless you are expecting someone” etc.

However, the first thing I do when getting a new house is change the locks. I couldn’t sleep otherwise.

The biggest issue here for me is the fact you felt you couldn't ask your mother outright if she has been given a spare set of keys.

@NoCommentingFromNowOn TENANTS can absolutely not change the locks (I had to be a landlady when I moved away for a bit) Isn't that what you said - that they could ? Sorry if crossed wires 🤷‍♀️

NoCommentingFromNowOn · Today 15:58
You can change the locks if you’re a tenant too.

Yes, tenants can change the locks.

@NoCommentingFromNowOn

In most jurisdictions, tenants cannot change the locks without the landlord's permission. Unauthorized changes usually violate the lease agreement and prevent landlords from accessing the property for required maintenance or emergencies. However, some regions allow tenants to change them if they immediately provide a copy of the new key.

I also never considered changing the locks when I moved in but it has come up recently as we’ve gone NC with DWs mum and we stupidly gave her a key when we moved in.

So I have a lot of sympathy for you, you DM sounds difficult, and potentially crazier than my DMIL!

I'm now over invested in the batshittery of your mum, @ShesGotAway - I think we need a 'What She's Done Now' thread!

I have a father who is low/medium-level batshit, and I fear I can see myself becoming more and more like him.

Have you escaped the batshit altogether do you think, or is it lurking in there waiting to emerge?

Tenants can change the locks. Whatever you are copying and pasting from is wrong.

Surely no one is this naive? You have absolutely no idea who holds keys to a house you just bought, other than whichever ones the vendors have handed over to you. For all you know any number of neighbours and family members have access to your house.

Why is the in laws allowed keys and not your mum? Is there a back story?

I've never changed mine because as far as I can tell, I'd have to change the whole door.

I did, however, change both the loo seats!

The opening post is enough back story, surely!!

Well, as I stated upthread, we were naive enough for none of this paranoia to enter our heads 30 years ago when we moved in, and nothing untoward has ever happened. Furthermore. You get to know many, many people when you live in the same place and bring up a family over decades, and I have never come across anyone - family, friend or acquaintance, who routinely changes the lock when they move into a new house! MN is truly a parallel universe. A lot of the things which appear to be commonplace on here, never happen in real life! Fine, if that’s what makes you and others feel safe, but don’t patronise me by suggesting that I’m ridiculous if I dare to question the assertion that ‘everyone’ does it, because they certainly don’t!

I’ve never heard of this either! But we live rurally so maybe it’s more of a thing in cities?!

@maudelovesharold I agree with you that in may respects Mumsnet is like a parallel universe but not with this. We bought our first flat in 1980 and have lived in several properties since and the first thing we did in all of them was to change the front door lock, or the barrel, at the very least. In my 68 years I’ve never known anyone who didn’t do the same as a matter of routine. But then again there seems to be a huge variation on Mumsnet with how people view security in their homes in general and it always amazes me when I read that people dont lock their doors when they are indoors, when they go to bed, or even when they go out.

What can I say? You’ve never known anyone who didn’t, I’ve never known anyone who did! I wonder what the stats are for burglary, where the perpetrators are ex-key holders for previous owners?

Well, I’ve lived in various apartments and bought properties in several countries and never changed, nor was counselled to change, a lock on a one of them!

Echoing everyone else. Always change the locks on a new property.

Yes, it is recommended.
A good friend of mine, bought a house, and didn't make it was a priority to change the locks. Within less than a week of them being there, they were burgled, the thieves just opened the door, and helped themselves. They nicked all the downstairs electronics, and my friends' car (car keys were hanging up in kitchen). My mate is a professional photographer, so they got all his photography kit, too.
The only saving grace, was my friend, his wife, and 11 year old stepdaughter, stayed asleep upstairs, during the robbery.
They weren't able to prove it, but sounds like someone at the estate agents, was dodgy.
Obviously, the likelihood of the above happening is strongly affected by where you live. The house I mention above, was in Clapham. Whereas, if you live in some sleepy little hamlet, somewhere rural, its probably less likely to happen (not only lower crime rate, but if you only have a handful of neighbours, they often will be more likely to notice strange activities going on at 2am!)

Just change the locks! It’s always been the first thing I’ve done when I’ve bought a house that’s previously been lived in

Make sure no one tells your Mom that his parents have a spare set of keys. Your Mom may become BFF with your MIL so she can get her hands on the spare set.

Get the locks changed ASAP. That way you knoe for a fact your DM won't have access to your hone when she feels like it. If she creates a drama over it, ignore her tantrum. Your home, your rules. She needs to he put in her place.

You do you. Common sense is to change the kocks when moved into a new house. Not every area is serene and respectful of neighbours. Keep the riff raff out and look after your domain.