partner keeps saying he’s “fine” because he got someone pregnant before + I feel blamed

[Airyfairy500]

We’ve been trying for a baby for around a year with no success. I already have a child from a previous relationship.

I’ve had a scan suggesting possible endometriosis on one ovary. My GP has said my partner needs a semen analysis before they’ll investigate me further. He’s agreed, but keeps brushing it off and making comments that are really upsetting me.

He says he got someone pregnant years ago during a “pregnancy scare” (she had an early abortion), so his sperm is obviously fine. He also said things besides this recent matter that his dad conceived quickly so he must have “good sperm”, and that his younger brother is trying for a baby so we need to “hurry up”. Although he’s not saying it to be mean it feels like he’s brushing things of like something that can just be done.

I got a bit defensive and argued well I’ve had a child. The rest of it I didn’t verbalise it but I said it in my head as it was mean. The thing I thought was how did you even know it was yours if you wasn’t with the girl.

I don’t think he means harm, but I’m really struggling. I feel like he’s dismissing everything on the basis of “I got someone pregnant before” and as I am doing investigations for endometriosis I’m the clear reason. Overall it’s all starting to affect me.

She told her mates she dodged a bullet

Oh dear I just noticed this! That should be infertility not infidelity!

If you’re going to be parents you need to come together in this not apart. He is scared and using this as a way to prove to himself he is fine. He is also likely feeling insecure and emasculated. Try to sympathise with the man you love not see him as the opposition. You’re going through something hard together.

Bodies change all the time. It could be you, or him, or the combination of you and him together. Or it could be unexplained.

Op, our children were conceived by IVF (age related. I was early 30’s and he was mid 30’s! Took us ages to conceive my husband was like yours - however after repeated rounds of failed IVF they allocated a urologist for him and voila o got pregnant twice! I just waved to say I was tested to death and they couldn’t find fault with me but only did additional tests Because I pushed for it (he pushed back obviously) but here we are with lovely girls. You are welcome husband! I tease him about this daily!!! He needs to do his semen analysis! Clean the pipes regularly. (Every 48 hours) and up his antioxidants vitamin c in our case! Good luck

It is not at all fair to inflict him as a father to a baby. He doesn’t have the maturity. You’re in a relationship where you can’t communicate. Babies are hard hard work. You need to have a healthier base than the two of you have really.

This. You’re in a relationship where you struggle to communicate. You have two or more children already. He has health issues. You’re unmarried with no plans to marry. Nothing here screams, “let’s have a child”.

I think he’s terrified his sperm could be the problem and would prefer that it’s because of your ovary problem and doesn’t want it proven . It’s really sad as you need to support each other and he’s not!