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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

partner keeps saying he’s “fine” because he got someone pregnant before + I feel blamed

157 replies

Airyfairy500 · 30/06/2026 09:50

We’ve been trying for a baby for around a year with no success. I already have a child from a previous relationship.

I’ve had a scan suggesting possible endometriosis on one ovary. My GP has said my partner needs a semen analysis before they’ll investigate me further. He’s agreed, but keeps brushing it off and making comments that are really upsetting me.

He says he got someone pregnant years ago during a “pregnancy scare” (she had an early abortion), so his sperm is obviously fine. He also said things besides this recent matter that his dad conceived quickly so he must have “good sperm”, and that his younger brother is trying for a baby so we need to “hurry up”. Although he’s not saying it to be mean it feels like he’s brushing things of like something that can just be done.

I got a bit defensive and argued well I’ve had a child. The rest of it I didn’t verbalise it but I said it in my head as it was mean. The thing I thought was how did you even know it was yours if you wasn’t with the girl.

I don’t think he means harm, but I’m really struggling. I feel like he’s dismissing everything on the basis of “I got someone pregnant before” and as I am doing investigations for endometriosis I’m the clear reason. Overall it’s all starting to affect me.

OP posts:
Cheese55 · 30/06/2026 09:52

Sperm changes, hes being ignorant

Airyfairy500 · 30/06/2026 09:53

Just to be clear: The well I’ve had a child comment was me saying I can argue the same thing. Just like you have got someone pregnant I’ve had a child too.

OP posts:
Userexcuser · 30/06/2026 09:54

I think it's a sign he's probably not the man to have a baby with.

ofcolitas · 30/06/2026 09:56

Userexcuser · 30/06/2026 09:54

I think it's a sign he's probably not the man to have a baby with.

Yes this.

Also, what are your thoughts on marriage?

sittingonabeach · 30/06/2026 09:56

Is he really good dad material?

Deadringer · 30/06/2026 09:57

He sounds like an immature arse.

HermioneWeasley · 30/06/2026 09:58

And the first reply nails it

ladyofshertonabbas · 30/06/2026 10:00

I don’t think he wants a child, sorry. Please don’t have one with him.

GingerBeverage · 30/06/2026 10:00

How long have you been together?

99bottlesofkombucha · 30/06/2026 10:00

Userexcuser · 30/06/2026 09:54

I think it's a sign he's probably not the man to have a baby with.

This. If he always a shitty defensive communicator?

but if he says it’s fine, you say and I’ll know that too when you show me the medical report, until then i know nothing about whether your sperm is healthy or not as that baby may not have been worked out or even been yours.

99bottlesofkombucha · 30/06/2026 10:01

And as for saying it worked for his dad- what illogical rubbish. Every infertile male who wasn’t ivf due to sperm problems by definition had a dad with working sperm, that’s how they got here.

ShorterMumma · 30/06/2026 10:02

Userexcuser · 30/06/2026 09:54

I think it's a sign he's probably not the man to have a baby with.

This

Pansykavalier · 30/06/2026 10:02

If you do end up pregnant with this man it is highly likely that you will end up regretting it.

Don't do it. Leave.

Specialneedsnightmare · 30/06/2026 10:02

It's an ego thing for some men. The suggestion that his semen might not be ok has triggered defensiveness because it damages his ego.

MaCheCazzo · 30/06/2026 10:03

He sounds as thick as mince. Do you not mind that?

Thisisthewayofit · 30/06/2026 10:03

99bottlesofkombucha · 30/06/2026 10:01

And as for saying it worked for his dad- what illogical rubbish. Every infertile male who wasn’t ivf due to sperm problems by definition had a dad with working sperm, that’s how they got here.

Came to say the same. He’s an imbecile. Partner? Don’t have a baby with him. He doesn’t sound very bright or supportive.

Airyfairy500 · 30/06/2026 10:04

He wants a baby he brought the conversation up for and we both agreed to try. His response to having a child is very basic as if it just happens which is not the case. I genuinely believe he will be a good dad it’s just the fact that because the fertility checks are not happening to him he’s looking at it like. He’s done it before so it should be fine on his side. This is why I’m upset because it clearly doesn’t just happen with a click

OP posts:
MPforTitipu · 30/06/2026 10:05

This doesn't sound a great relationship to bring a baby into.

MrsShawnHatosy · 30/06/2026 10:05

I agree with pp that you probably shouldn’t have a baby with this man. What’s his lifestyle like - does he smoke (weed or tobacco), drink?

BramStoner · 30/06/2026 10:10

He sounds really thick and not a team player (putting it mildly)- if conception is taking longer than you expected this is something for you to tackle together, not try to blame one another about. It would put me off.

Airyfairy500 · 30/06/2026 10:11

@MrsShawnHatosy for his lifestyle he spent his 20s regularly heavy drinking on the weekend and not eating very well but now he doesn’t drink and that lifestyle has caught up with him. he tries to eat better now as his doctor said he’s not young like he used to be and it will effect him.

I’ve know him for years so I know he’s a good guy and we don’t have a toxic relationship. It’s just this situation with reproduction he just doesn’t get it. He just thinks it’s simple he thinks it’s something easy to do and sort

OP posts:
Pootles34 · 30/06/2026 10:12

He may want a baby but posters are pointing out that he's a bit thick and not very nice. Are you sure you want to do this?

DixonD · 30/06/2026 10:14

My DH also got someone pregnant before we were together, who went on to have a termination.

We needed IVF and it was a problem with HIM.

Also, my late BIL had three kids and needed IVF for his fourth - again, his problem.

JulyJulyNovember · 30/06/2026 10:15

Fertility issues are 1/3 the woman, 1/3 the man and 1/3 unexplained or a combination…

My partner felt the same as he’d had multiple children before and his ex wife got pregnant instantly. It turned out the only issues our fertility consultant found were with his sperm.

As PP said this is an ego thing. If he won’t get his sperm checked, he cares more about his ego than having a baby. I’d leave the ball in his court and focus on your existing child.

DierdreDaphne · 30/06/2026 10:15

BramStoner · 30/06/2026 10:10

He sounds really thick and not a team player (putting it mildly)- if conception is taking longer than you expected this is something for you to tackle together, not try to blame one another about. It would put me off.

Exactly this.

OP is he thoughtful, considerate, prepared to put someone else's needs before his own? Or is he someone who won't listen and thinks he knows it all despite you being much better informed than him?

Only one of those types of person makes a good parent and partner.

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