partner keeps saying he’s “fine” because he got someone pregnant before + I feel blamed

[Airyfairy500]

We’ve been trying for a baby for around a year with no success. I already have a child from a previous relationship.

I’ve had a scan suggesting possible endometriosis on one ovary. My GP has said my partner needs a semen analysis before they’ll investigate me further. He’s agreed, but keeps brushing it off and making comments that are really upsetting me.

He says he got someone pregnant years ago during a “pregnancy scare” (she had an early abortion), so his sperm is obviously fine. He also said things besides this recent matter that his dad conceived quickly so he must have “good sperm”, and that his younger brother is trying for a baby so we need to “hurry up”. Although he’s not saying it to be mean it feels like he’s brushing things of like something that can just be done.

I got a bit defensive and argued well I’ve had a child. The rest of it I didn’t verbalise it but I said it in my head as it was mean. The thing I thought was how did you even know it was yours if you wasn’t with the girl.

I don’t think he means harm, but I’m really struggling. I feel like he’s dismissing everything on the basis of “I got someone pregnant before” and as I am doing investigations for endometriosis I’m the clear reason. Overall it’s all starting to affect me.

What on earth are you doing with him @Airyfairy500? Throw him back.

I can't get past the comment about his dad having good sperm because how else would he exist 🫣.
I would rather date a thief than someone who is this dim , but that's just me.

And the reason you’re having a baby with him is…?

He’s behaving poorly and clearly on the defensive.

Are you using ovulation tracker sticks? I did and they were epic. I knew nothing about when I ovulated! Use them every day, twice a day- stick them in a book one under the other and over a month of two you will clearly see the best days for conception. When I conceived, I showed my GP my book of sticks and her jaw was on the floor! She has since told me she tells all women who are trying to conceive to do this because - as I found out - you don’t always ovulate when you think you do and the window can be quite small. I ordered the sticks off Amazon in packs of 50 And it removed so much guesswork and gave me more control.
As for your partner.. he seems very ignorant and defensive..

If you don't want to be mean, could you phrase it along the lines of
'My fertility was fine x numbers of years ago as demonstrated by the existence of my child, but there is a question mark over it now. You think your fertility was fine a few years ago, there could well be a question mark over it now too, so we are equal on that front. Why should it be me more than you?'
The fact his Dad was apparently particularly fertile is neither here or there 'so he must be' is absolute nonsense. If that were true there would be no infertile people, full stop.
Whether you should be having a baby with him at all is another question..........

To be fair though, it is a valid point - for all we know it might not have been his, and he might not have known there was another possible candidate. Also if it was ages ago things could have changed anyway.

He sounds really thick. And very unkind.
I wouldn’t have a baby with this guy.

whos to say he did get someone preg, they could have been having an affair and she told him he was the dad ?

Well it's simple really. If he is serious about wanting a baby then he needs to go for the sperm test. They aren't going to progress with any more test on you until he's done it. That's really all there is to say on the matter. He's behaving like a petulant child who doesn't really want a baby.

Are you sure you want to have a baby with someone with limited intelligence?

I’ve not thought about it in the way everyone is phrasing it. But it’s made me feel a way. When TTC where your partners researching and doing things too?

I need to pull him up on him but want a clearer view before

It's definitely something to think about OP - I fear he has the kind of mindset that would refuse to accept a child of his could be gay, that kind of thing. I can't with illogical people.

Oh HE proposed the child did he? Why am I not surprised.

Notice he hasn't even got a ring on your finger and he's got the cheek to suggest you take all the risks of pregnancy.

That, is not a good guy op. That's a selfish bastard who wants you trapped but with zero commitment from him.

Unless there's some solid reason like you are very anti marriage. Or, he has told you from day one he wasn't interested in marrying.

I can't disagree with this.

It might be some anxiety on his part and burying his head in the sand a bit of what if there is an issue somewhere and what does that mean. No news is good news but if we do tests and there’s a problem what happens next. I’d be tracking ovulation etc and if nothing happens for a bit just tell him how the sooner you start any process the better.

This man doesn't want to be a parent he just wants to flaunt his virility.
I hope you don't have a baby with him op, he's already starting to be abusive, he'll get worse once you're pregnant and worse again once the baby is here.
I really hope you're able to take heed of what the other posters and I are trying to communicate to you.

My partner had to have his sperm tested as he had cancer as a child. He booked it sorted it all himself in his early twenties. It was important to him he wanted children. He researched did the antenatal group knew everything. At every decision he was right there on the same page with me.
We took over a year to conceive our second not once did he blame me or get frustrated with me. He supported me 100%
He even helped delivered our 3rd because the midwives didn't arrive in time. Men who want children show it in their actions. It's clear to see and you can feel it.

Some men want a baby the same way a child wants a puppy. I wouldn't have a baby with your partner op I'm sorry but he isn't a good partner and that's the first step to remotely being a good dad.

He's made it very clear he already thinks this is all your responsibility. As the baby will be too. When people show you who they are, believe them.

But seriously women need to stop (deliberately) having babies unmarried. It's such a risk. And the man doesn't respect you. No decent man suggests kids before marriage. It's a con to trap you whilst keeping their freedom. Don't let men disrespect and use you like that.

Men are taught early on just like us. They know they are taking the piss all too well to suggest kids before marriage. If a guy did that to me he'd be out on his arse. It's really insulting op. He thinks you're a fool.

(Again, disclaimer again, unless he's told you from day one he is and always will be anti marriage or you feel that way).

I really don't think this man wants to be a father. It would probably be best all round if he doesn't become one.

If you still TTC knowing all this and it goes tits up, that's on you.

So he's a bit stupid, quite thoughtless, wants a child to "beat his brother to it" and is unwell...he sounds perfect to have a kid with

Please listen to everyone on this thread and dump him. At the very least, don’t have a baby with him. If not, guaranteed you will be back here in one year posting “8 months pregnant and no support from DP”, “DP won’t do any night feeds” etc etc

I wonder what happened to the other woman with whom he conceived a child?

How old are you both OP?

She knew/she listened to her peers/she posted on here 😳.

Sperm quality changes. I knew someone who got pregnant immediately with her husband. By the time they were trying for a second baby and it wasn’t working, when they got tested he was the problem - low sperm quality, count and effectiveness/speed! So it changes…