AIBU to expect neighbours to accept our approved house rebuild plans?

[WarmLimeLurker]

DH and I recently bought what we hope will be our forever home. We were only able to do so because of inheritance DH inherited from his late father, and I'd inherited from my grandfather years ago. I'd kept my inheritance invested for around 12 years, and together we were able to buy the property outright.

The house itself wasn't why we bought it. We bought it because we absolutely loved the location, knowing from day one that we'd be replacing the existing house with a home that would suit our family for the long term. We have three young children (6, 3 and 15 months), so we're still living in our London flat while the project gets underway.

We spent over a year working through the planning process. The plans were amended, neighbours had the opportunity to comment, objections were considered, and the council ultimately granted planning permission.
Now we're preparing to start, a handful of neighbours have become quite vocal. We've been told we're ruining the street, that the house is too large, and that we should rethink the project altogether.

I completely appreciate that living next to a building site isn't ideal, and we'll do everything we reasonably can to minimise disruption. What I'm struggling with is the feeling that, even though we've followed every rule and obtained permission, some people seem to think we shouldn't build at all.
Part of me also wonders whether some of the resentment is because we're currently based in London. There have been a few comments along the lines of "London people coming here and changing everything."

The irony is that this area is home for me. I grew up here, went to school here, my parents still live here, my grandparents are here, and this is exactly where I always hoped we'd eventually settle to raise our own children. We're not buying it as an investment or a developer's project we genuinely intend to live there for many years.

DH says we should stop worrying about what people think and just focus on our family. I can't help feeling uneasy that we're starting off on the wrong foot with the neighbours, but equally I don't think we should feel guilty for building a home that's been properly approved.

AIBU to think that once planning permission has been been granted, people should accept the decision and let us get on with building our forever home?

Great my family is from Belfast. Where abouts are you from?

Dog walkers in your neck of the woods have harmless chats but these dog walkers were overstepping telling someone to alter the plans for their own house on their own land. None of their business and in Northern Ireland they'd have been clearly told that. Surely you know that.

As to dogs we've had too many to count, all strays mainly brought home by DH when he was a police officer. In my experience dog walkers are no more likely to be amiable than anyone else.

What I don't do is attack people online.

I read that as no neighbours raised objections but presumably busybodies 15 minutes away raised some which were dealt with.

Can't see what's inconsistent.

He's using contractors he knows and presumably he trusts them.
Trusts them so much that he sacked them? LOL

He hasn't sacked the ones he's using. What a strange response.

What seething scorn? Calm down Brenda.

I'm bemused by the endless "but I'm FROM here and we have history etc etc. No one gives a fuck.

And that last post was mad, as someone else mentioned, very Amandaland.

He hasn't sacked the ones he's using ,,, yet.

He's already sacked six people, told the OAPs to eff off and is scribbling away at plans at all hours of the night. He's a seething ball of stress.

She said there weren't any objections, and the things they changed were changed before even submitted to planning, like a 'treehouse' (probably a tree palace)

You can take the girl out of London, but you can't take the London out of the girl...

You said he trusted them so much he sacked them. Now you say he hasn't sacked them yet. Whose being inconsistent.

She's from this town, you can't take that out of her and she's coming home. Good for her.

Christ, this thread is depressing. Enjoy your bullying.

For the hard of understanding:
He's sacked one lot (or several lots, it's never been made clear). I made a sarcastic remark about trust. Did you miss the question mark and the 'LOL'?
I'm suggesting that it's only a matter of time until he sacks the next lot.

Agree. He sounds insufferable. And OP has to run around picking up the pieces?!

Ahh that is interesting, ND crossed my mind but I know people get fed up of us ND types always bringing it up! I have ADHD and the family members I mentioned who I could imagine doing similar I suspect are undiagnosed ADHD in one case and autistic in the other. It does sound like stopping meds would explain some of the behaviour. Maybe he could look into some other support while he's adjusting to life without them like coaching or person centred counselling? I wouldn't be without my meds but the side effects are rough so I think you're right not to push him. He is lucky to have someone so understanding!

Also I don't actually think telling some strangers to fuck off in a moment of temper is that bad, it's funny that seems to have been what's shocked everyone the most. Obviously not the way to make friends but tbf neither is moaning at someone you don't know about their house build. It sounds like it's not going to make you the pariah people think from your updates about next door etc so I hope that's made you feel a bit better. I agree that going round to speak to people sounds like a good idea.

As to what else you should do, probably stating the obvious here but maybe some talking therapy might help you too if you're struggling to talk to friends, although FWIW the levels of interest on this thread show they might love to talk it through with you! It's like behind the scenes of Grand Designs. It is always the put-upon wives of the ego fuelled men on that show that I am most intrigued by (sorry). Ignore the haters, I think you've shown a lot of grace given the overwhelming amount of attention this has had. You don't owe anyone a thank you or an update just because they doled out some mumsnet pearls of wisdom (and that includes me)

We know he's sacked them but you were replying to my post saying he trusts the people he's using as he's worked with them before. You said he'd sacked them but that was different people. Think you are finding it hard to understand or maybe you do now but trying to justify your mistake.

We know he's sacked them but you were replying to my post saying he trusts the people he's using as he's worked with them before.
He's probably worked with all of them before!
Do you really think that his first choice of contractor for his dream house, that he has been planning since OP got her inheritance 12 years ago, is some bunch that he has never used before? He trusted them and it didn't work out. Who is to say that he won't fall out with the next set, too. I've seen plenty of men burn through contractors and they always think it's everyone else's fault, never theirs.

Think you are finding it hard to understand or maybe you do now but trying to justify your mistake.
pot/kettle.

Probably isn't fact is it. I do understand and I'm not making things up to fit my story.

Probably isn't fact is it
LOL. This whole to-and-fro started yesterday with you at 17:05 saying "He's using contractors he knows and presumably he trusts them."
Are you saying that you using 'presumably' is OK but me using 'probably' isn't?

And is that your best shot: to zero in on the word 'probably' and ignore the rest of my point. I'm done with debating with you, it's a waste of my time.

@TheignT

The point is on a build like this you're not using someone off the local Facebook page. You're using someone with a sizeable team dedicated to your project. There will be a lengthy legal contract involved. So either, he's been talking to contractors and not hiring them, so not actually firing them, in which case, the OP isn't giving an accurate accounting, which makes it hard to know if that's the case in other areas, or he's mounting up risk after risk for breach of contract, for which there will be penalty fees written in. That's why it matters in respect to the larger picture.

I'm sure you can get some sanitary ware and a few windows quickly, but this is a project that's going to no doubt require lots of bespoke windows (which will need to go in before lots of other finishing work can happen) and they'll be going for high end sanitary ware, lots of which is manufactured in places like Italy and is slow to arrive and getting more costly by the week - good luck to the person who thinks they're getting a Dornbracht tap in 12 weeks. Architects get a trade discount, but they don't have connections that get windows manufactured in double time.

@WarmLimeLurker your project sounds so exciting. Certain amount of envy here (and I suspect elsewhere in this thread) getting a lovely new home exactly as you and your husband want. Your husband's reaction although not great is understandable as he has invested everything into this project.
I wish you lots of luck and hope you and your family have many happy years building memories in your new home. It will be worth it in the end. 💕

They won't need taps in 12 weeks. You realise that demolishing the old house, preparing the site and actually building the house will take months?

Are you being deliberately obtuse?
You seem to be arguing for arguments sake.

Previously, you stated that Belfast people regularly tell people to F off and mind their own business. This is completely different to my experience. Maybe the 2 well known roads in Belfast do that, though I have been welcomed in both of those roads. Everywhere else in Ireland, people always want to stop for the craic.

I knew someone whose whole project was held up by 6 months, waiting for bespoke oak window frames. That's what happens when you're building an architect designed house from scratch.

Sometimes people get it wrong sometimes they lie. Do show me where I said Belfast people regularly tell people to F off but you can't can you because I never said that.

The house won't be finished in six months so don't worry about that.