AIBU to expect neighbours to accept our approved house rebuild plans?

[WarmLimeLurker]

DH and I recently bought what we hope will be our forever home. We were only able to do so because of inheritance DH inherited from his late father, and I'd inherited from my grandfather years ago. I'd kept my inheritance invested for around 12 years, and together we were able to buy the property outright.

The house itself wasn't why we bought it. We bought it because we absolutely loved the location, knowing from day one that we'd be replacing the existing house with a home that would suit our family for the long term. We have three young children (6, 3 and 15 months), so we're still living in our London flat while the project gets underway.

We spent over a year working through the planning process. The plans were amended, neighbours had the opportunity to comment, objections were considered, and the council ultimately granted planning permission.
Now we're preparing to start, a handful of neighbours have become quite vocal. We've been told we're ruining the street, that the house is too large, and that we should rethink the project altogether.

I completely appreciate that living next to a building site isn't ideal, and we'll do everything we reasonably can to minimise disruption. What I'm struggling with is the feeling that, even though we've followed every rule and obtained permission, some people seem to think we shouldn't build at all.
Part of me also wonders whether some of the resentment is because we're currently based in London. There have been a few comments along the lines of "London people coming here and changing everything."

The irony is that this area is home for me. I grew up here, went to school here, my parents still live here, my grandparents are here, and this is exactly where I always hoped we'd eventually settle to raise our own children. We're not buying it as an investment or a developer's project we genuinely intend to live there for many years.

DH says we should stop worrying about what people think and just focus on our family. I can't help feeling uneasy that we're starting off on the wrong foot with the neighbours, but equally I don't think we should feel guilty for building a home that's been properly approved.

AIBU to think that once planning permission has been been granted, people should accept the decision and let us get on with building our forever home?

I am sorry you had to deal with that, that’s awful :(

You are right and I totally understand that but also no objections have been formally raised there’s no way for us to know that they’re not happy. The comments on the Facebook page were mostly from individuals who do not live on our road and many focused and were very bothered on personal aspects such as our age or how we are funding the work like it’s our cash why does it matter how we are funding it rather than offering constructive feedback on the actual plans which are publicly accessible.

The people directly on our road or within close proximity were consulted shown the plans, and given the full context of what we intend to do, given information about us, where we are from, our family etc. At that point it is up to those most affected to raise any concerns through the proper channels rather than people who are not locally based or directly impacted.

We have also taken on board suggestions and feedback where appropriate. There are other properties on the same road where houses have been completely demolished and rebuilt and those developments appear to have been carried out amicably with good relationships between neighbours. They all seem to get on and have seemed welcoming towards us so far.

From our perspective it doesn’t seem that our immediate neighbours are particularly concerned. However if there are any issues or discomfort, it is unfortunate as we can only address concerns if they are raised with us. We cannot read their minds. We can only do our best to be considerate, maintain good communication and try to create positive relationships where possible.

The property itself is very old and required significant renovation regardless so works would have been necessary in any case. The previous owners were aware of and supportive of our general ideas and we made them aware during our second viewing.
There is also a long-standing connection with them through family and local ties as they are known to my parents and I went to school with their children. Their eldest son is close enough to my eldest brother to be invited to their wedding and various get togethers, they played hockey together all through school and at the same university.

Moving forward, we are stepping back from direct day to day involvement and we will be getting someone to manage the plan on our behalf. We are hoping this will make the process smoother and more organised for everyone involved including neighbours, contractors and ourselves. We can only try.

You are phenomenally inconsistent, OP. You say both that there were no objections and also that objections were considered. Which is it? Facebook comments are not objections. Also, I think you should be considerably less obsessed with your town pedigree (my siblings and I played sports with lots of people and even went to weddings. I don't consider that a ticket to adult acceptance) and think a bit more about whether you want to spend your life and raise your children in a town with a Facebook group that talks openly about people's ages and finances. Sounds pretty miserable to me.

We spent over a year working through the planning process. The plans were amended, neighbours had the opportunity to comment, objections were considered, and the council ultimately granted planning permission.
Now we're preparing to start, a handful of neighbours have become quite vocal. We've been told we're ruining the street, that the house is too large, and that we should rethink the project altogether.
I completely appreciate that living next to a building site isn't ideal, and we'll do everything we reasonably can to minimise disruption. What I'm struggling with is the feeling that, even though we've followed every rule and obtained permission, some people seem to think we shouldn't build at all.

Really doesn't line up with this.

The people directly on our road or within close proximity were consulted shown the plans, and given the full context of what we intend to do, given information about us, where we are from, our family etc. At that point it is up to those most affected to raise any concerns through the proper channels rather than people who are not locally based or directly impacted.
We have also taken on board suggestions and feedback where appropriate. There are other properties on the same road where houses have been completely demolished and rebuilt and those developments appear to have been carried out amicably with good relationships between neighbours. They all seem to get on and have seemed welcoming towards us so far.
From our perspective it doesn’t seem that our immediate neighbours are particularly concerned. However if there are any issues or discomfort, it is unfortunate as we can only address concerns if they are raised with us. We cannot read their minds. We can only do our best to be considerate, maintain good communication and try to create positive relationships where possible.

Its planning permission. Its been approved. Whats the issue other than other peoples entitlement. Perspective seriously. Will anyone die if u do what u want to a house you have purchased and have planning permission to do this....no.

All of the surrounding areas are similar in character with a mix of residents including retired people and others who may have more time at home and on Facebook to rant think it’s a new thing everyday I thought it would be beneficial to keep up with what’s going on but it’s just the ranting about random stuff. The one in our current area has been more useful I have met other mums and we’ve bonded over similar interests etc.

There are also new people moving in regularly as they’re done with city life. I do like the area it’s still home to me, it’s where my family is from and I would like my children to have the same kind of upbringing and opportunities that I had.

We cannot realistically provide that in London. I grew up with a garden, whereas my children do not currently have one. I had access to so much that back then I never appreciated but now I see how privileged I was and it would be important to me for my children to have access to similar opportunities and experiences. Moving out of London was always part of our long term plan once we had children.

We are simply adjusting to that change now. I have learned from experience, as I have not lived in the area properly since I was about 17/18 as once I went to uni I was only home during the holidays and every summer I was subletting London during internships and work experiences and just spending much of my evening out and about drinking I am WAYYY past that and should make room for the next generation of young adults to experience London. I do think where I grew up is a good place to raise children, and it is worth trying to settle there. London has become too fast paced for us and we are ready for a quieter lifestyle.

At the moment we live in a flat above a couple in their mid twenties whose parents purchased the property for them. They are very pleasant and considerate but it does feel like the building and lifestyle suit a different stage of life. We have enjoyed many years in London but after around 13 years
it feels like the right time to move on.

Both DH and I feel we are past the stage of socialising late into the night. We would rather spend our time going to parks, visiting libraries with our children and returning home to a quieter environment. While there are quieter areas in London they are beyond what we can realistically afford, especially if we want a garden or a suitable family home. Areas such as Hampstead Heath are simply out of reach financially.

Having children who play sport or attend activities does naturally lead to friendships as families become familiar with one another and children spend time. Whether that is considered friendship or simply social familiarity is subjective but there is a level of trust involved. I personally would not allow my child to stay overnight at someone’s house unless I felt at least some level of trust and familiarity with the parent. So I’d say they are friends but I do not know the ins and outs of my brothers friendships with his school friends.

Oh he sounds like a sunny delight……I’m afraid he has completely blotted your copy book

Honestly, are you ok, OP? You can't seem to respond to the simplest question about inconsistencies in your posts but instead write a freaking essay about needing to know the Debrett's lineage of the people your kids play sports with before you'd let them sleep over. You seem to have some real issues.

That said, great, move where you want, raise your family where you want, but you appear to have a very rose-tinted vision of a place that's just like any other relatively nice place, albeit this one seems heavy on small-minded people, which by the sounds of your posts, you might be very content with. You seem to place a great deal of emphasis on 'knowing' people.

And I have news for you. You can live in London without partying all night and you can visit parks and libraries (and museums and theatres and symphonies too, but that's beside the point). And if you can afford a (nearly) £2m and then what's realistically going to be a £2.5m reno - at the very least - you could afford something suitable for a family with a nice sized garden in a leafy part of London. I'd be pretty surprised if £4.5 didn't stretch to something perfectly nice in Hampstead, Queens Park, Dulwich, Putney, Chiswick, Barnes, Richmond, Wimbledon, etc.

Having children who play sport or attend activities does naturally lead to friendships as families become familiar with one another and children spend time. Whether that is considered friendship or simply social familiarity is subjective but there is a level of trust involved. I personally would not allow my child to stay overnight at someone’s house unless I felt at least some level of trust and familiarity with the parent. So I’d say they are friends but I do not know the ins and outs of my brothers friendships with his school friends.

Do you think that only happens in this particular town (suburb?)? And why on earth were you waffling on about the children of the previous owners of your house having played hockey with your brother? What does that have to do with anything?

This thread is truly bizarre. I'm out. Best of luck to you.

I have said I have am struggling with other personal things (as are most people mines not special) at the minute therefore I do have some real issues not denying that rightly pointed out.

I don’t feel as though I need to put details of the house as the PA is accessible publicly and that’s not what the locals have had an option on. People hate change.

Rant about the children because someone said essentially just because my brother played sports with the son of the previous owners of the house doesn’t mean it would be a friendship. When my nephews attend the same school and are friends with the previous owners grandchildren. That’s how we were able to put in a lower offer on the house. We do know the family, their children went to the same school as us. Most people within the area I grew up in are still friends with their school friends it’s just common especially as we all move to London then come back anyway.

We could not afford what we wanted in London. Properties here are much cheaper. I am the one who made a mistake of going on the local fb page to see what is going on in the local area and that’s when I saw ppl complain about us, without much justification as said it was all on personal aspects that we cannot control is age. People our age buy property all the time, yes we’ve bought it with inheritance, we aren’t wealthy, we aren’t taking the house off ‘someone more deserving’ anyone can buy whatever house they want.

Thanks. I will do an update at a later date ( for those who care) once things have hit the ground with the house. I do not know people on here and have had messages etc so I prefer not to share every single identifiable detail on the house.

OP people are just spiteful on social media - both here and on Facebook. Your DH needs to learn to contain himself a bit, although I can understand his indignation. And you need to acquire some of his thicker skin! People just enjoy digging their nails in, as this thread has demonstrated. (I think many PPs are picturing a building site within inches of their front door, as well as projecting all kinds of snobbery/inverted snobbery in your direction.)

You've done everything by the book, taken objections on board, revised your plans... and that's it. You both know what you're doing but are letting someone else manage the project, which sounds like a good idea for keeping your stress levels manageable. Good luck with it all!

Did the previous owners know you planned to demolish their family home to rebuild when they accepted your low offer? If not that may explain some animosity.

Of course you are wealthy

Wealthy enough to knock a £2m house down without worrying about wasting it.
Wealthy enough to have already stashed away enough money for 3 children's private schooling and invert.

A lot of it may come from inheritance, but you are wealthy. Very very wealthy. To claim otherwise is really disrespectful to the millions of us who won't earn in our lifetimes what you are prepared to waste in demolishing a family home.

Who are you to say it's a waste? It's their money and they get to decide how to spend it.

Why do so many people think that anybody with a bit of cash has to crawl on their belly in shame?

This with bells on. It sounds like an OTt version of Amanda land. OP just keeps ranting about her childhood and the dog walkers.

I don't think the dog walkers were offensive. I bet husband talking/ boasting about what he was going to do and they politely said maybe he should scale back. OP please don't rehash the conversation again. We don't want to know.

Dog walkers are normal in small communities. They love to stop for a chat. Fb is normal too, they are often useful, sometimes bonkers. Our local one often gets hijacked by townies criticising all sorts of rubbish. It also notifies us of planning applications. One of the planning applications has been turned down by the council although the locals wanted it. The council demanded different front doors in order to be in keeping with the area. The application has taken over 2 years so far.

You seem to have an Amanda land view of this community. Not to mention my previous references to grand designs, Midsomer murders - with cliqueshe characters.

With all that money, why didnt you just buy a nice house and live in it? There are plenty of them about. Millions of people do it. What exactly are you trying to prove and who are you trying to prove it to?

OP doesn't keep "ranting" about anything. She just keeps trying to defend herself against brutal personal attacks like this. It's a losing battle, obviously.

You mentioned looking for a site close to half an acre. If the garden is that size, it will protect the neighbours from a lot of disruption and they will be able to plant trees later if needed to screen the view. It's not like building beside a semi-d.

So what is the issue? No immediate neighbours objected to your plans. There were some heated words with a couple living streets away but that has been smoothed over. Just gossip on Facebook about people building a big house locally? So what? It's going to generate some interest until the next plot is developed. Be nice to your direct and opposite neighbours and relax a little.

That last post OP was... something. What are you trying to prove to us?

Your lineage in a location means bog all to most people. I live in a town that is very much a "home town" for many residents: in that they have lived here all their lives, gone to school, socialised, sometimes moved away and come back. I do not know, nor care about, how long their families have lived in the area, who the parents are, what their grandparents did, if the kids played with other kids who had families in the area for generations. Literally nobody talks about things like this. Maybe if you're upper class? I wouldn't know. But even then, my friend who is actually related to the king doesn't do this. Mind you, that's probably because everyone already knows who they are!

All the chat about family and lineage and roots is just a distraction if what you're doing is controversial in the area. Did you think people were going to be all "Oh but it's Warm Lime, her family have been here generations doncha know, she's COME HOME to enrich us with her lovely huge home."

If someone comes to buy my house and tells me a big long story about what they are going to do with it, their family lineage, their deep roots with the community I'd just nod along to be polite but all I'd care about is that the sale goes through without you being a twat.

And this line is ridiculous.
"should make room for the next generation of young adults to experience London."
You're in a four bed flat, you're not freeing up West London.

More unfounded seething scorn.

That last post OP was... something. What are you trying to prove to us?

Erm, that she is a nice person doing her best? Obviously Jesus Christ himself would be unable to do that on this particular thread.

How do you know it's a perfectly good house?

Maybe she was responding to the accusations of London types coming and lording it over people. She's a local as she's clearly told us.

You have no idea about how the dog walkers behaved. Even if they were trying to be polite they were actually incredibly rude to approach someone and start criticising their plans particularly as they aren't neighbours and don't even live on that road.

What are you trying to prove? You actually sound quite resentful that the OP can afford her dream house.

Are you a dog walkers? Do you interact with dog walkers? Or anyone?
Probably not.

Dog walkers in my neck of the woods are an amiable lot who just stop for a harmless chat. Ops husband doesn't do harmless chats. He takes offence very easily and reacts hastily. Note the workmen who he has sacked and his general use of the F word. He may fit in quite nicely in this place somewhere near London. He wouldn't fit in around here.

I've got my dream home, thank you very much.
If you read my earlier posts, it was a renovation project. We lived in it whilst renovating- including taking the roof off!.
If people asked what we were up to, we told them. They were usually just interested. On occasion, the neighbours mucked in and helped us. We did lots of the work ourselves. I can build kitchen units and fit them. I can mix concrete.
We never told anyone to Fuck Off. We never fell out with the neighbours. That is not our style.

As I earlier stated, I was originally interested in this thread because I am interested in building and renovating houses. I have lots of friends and relatives who have done it. One relative is in the process at the moment. They haven't sacked anyone. They haven't sworn at passers by.

However, my interest in this thread has waned. I was originally sympathetic to OP predicament with pregnancy. But lots of things aren't stacking up. Her attitude towards the residents leaves a lot to be desired. She claims to have renovated 6 houses in recent years, but is living in a flat with 3 kids. Thats odd. She is living in some sort of cloud cuckoo land and thinks shes better than the locals. She is on some sort of mission to validate herself. Why?

As the Northern Irish would say "Catch yourself on".

You were calling her out for only just revealing something she had actually revealed 30+ pages ago, so I corrected that. Rather than acknowledging your error, you go on the attack - nice!

No one is paying £2m for a hovel are they 😂

I think the thing is that the OP is writing very lengthy not hugely coherent posts about essentially 'deserving' to live somewhere but not answering the questions that people are asking that might enable us to understand and offer more help. I know I've asked several times who were the six people her DH has fired. If they're say, landscape architects that's probably fine, but if they're contractors or QSs or project managers or structural engineers that he's actually hired and fired, they're looking at an extremely problematic and delayed build with costs spiralling out of control. They're talking about wanting to be in within a year. If they haven't ordered pretty much all of their sanitary ware and fittings and fixtures and floors and windows and doors and architectural ironmongery by now, they haven't got a snowball's chance in hell of that.

@Heretodayonly

No one is paying £2m for a hovel are they 😂

That's pretty area dependent.

Well no one did pay £2m for it and some sites are worth even more than £2m.

She's defending herself from some nasty attacks. I'm not sure why you need to know who he sacked. He's using contractors he knows and presumably he trusts them.

When we did some renovations sanitary ware and new windows were with us within a month. I'm sure an architect with contacts will manage.