AIBU to end things immediately?

[MinnyMeen]

Posting really for verification I wasn’t unreasonable in ending the relationship.

Met a man on a night out. Both mid forties. Exchanged numbers and spoke for around 3 months before we actually met for a date. Been dating for 5 months. I made it clear from day one that I wanted to take it slow as I have dc. He has no dc.

This past weekend we had a whole weekend date planned. I was staying at his from Friday-Sunday. Arrived around 8pm Friday night after work. We walked into town for dinner and on the way he went into the newsagents to grab a drink. I waited outside and as I waited a man was walking across the road (high street road not a main road) with a little puppy. I asked him I could stroke the puppy and we spoke for a couple of minutes about the breed and the puppy was giving me lots of cuddles. I have a dog and am a dog person. Not that it’s relevant but the gentleman was probably in his 70s and told me he got the puppy as his wife recently died and he’s retired so he wanted company. The whole conversation lasted a couple of minutes.

Partner comes out of the shop and has a face like thunder. Whilst I was still bent over stroking the puppy he tells me to get up and go. I say goodbye to the puppy and carried on walking with him. He’s now giving me the silent treatment and walking way ahead of me. I ask what’s wrong as I was genuinely confused and he said that I have no manners, I crossed over the road to stroke the puppy, I was on a date with him and that he needed attention too. Said I should’ve communicated to him that I was not going to be outside the shop and that I can’t just wander off. I literally walked about 6 steps to cross over the road and was right opposite the shop. He could see me at all times.

I told him I wasn’t hungry anymore and that I wanted to go back to his. As soon as we got back, I grabbed my things and left. He blew up my phone the entire way home but I didn’t answer. I text as soon as I got home and told him it was over. He’s been messaging so much since telling me that I’m out of order, I’m flakey, I don’t know how to have a relationship. I’ve now had to block him but he got another sim and messaged me from that. He said I gave up too easily and am making a mountain out of a molehill.

Was I right to end it there and then?

If you haven’t already done so, just block him now. He’s enjoying telling you all about yourself and isn’t reflecting on his own behaviour at all.

Well, he had a vacancy Under His Thumb and he was auditioning you for the part. Good on you for ending it at once - and be glad he didn't save this behaviour for once you'd moved in together; they often do. No matter if he gets another sim. Keep on blocking.

I've not been up long and honestly, your post was a lovely start to my day. I salute you.

She can call him what she likes
What does it matter?
She got out and that's all that's important!

showed his true colours there. any man who does not like dogs is not worth knowing

I have a fairly strict line in the sand that if a man refers to a woman's behaviour as "disrespectful" at any point, I immediately suggest that she gets out as soon as she can. The word implies possession and that you need permission for anything you want to do. What exactly did he expet you to do... stare longingly into the shop while he was getting a drink? god forbid you'd got your phone out for some MN scrolling or taken a call.

Well done OP, you've clearly done the work after an abusive relationship.

You are wonderful! Brilliantly done! Don’t worry about what it says about you that you dated him because it says you have very good judgment.

You dated him while he was mild mannered, respectful, and made you feel safe and you walked out instantly when he dropped the act and turned nasty. that is all any of us can do.

He was a skilled deceiver. You had the best of him and now someone else can take your leavings and have the rest of him.

Be very proud!

Well done op
You did absolutely the right thing

Well done OP. If only more women acted like this at the first red flag.

You weren’t being unreasonable in the first place and his response confirms that you’re definitely not being unreasonable.

He was in a bloody shop at the time! What sort of attention does he need whilst shopping @MinnyMeen?

The minute whackos like him start using the word disrespect you know they're one of Tate's Mates.

Lucky escape.

He needed attention too? Eurgh. Get rid of him! He would be the type to be jealous of your children too.

You are fantastic OP. Bloody well done!
Going forward, I don't think I would share info about you past abusive relationship with dates. I think it suggests vulnerability which abusers are looking for.
Present the new confident kick ass you.

Well done OP, you've clearly done a lot of work on your boundaries. You know you did the right thing - just a little bit more work to go now so that you completely trust yourself to read the red flags ( in this case, with flashing lights and a siren attached...)

And I agree with this - at least not until a couple of years in when you've absolutely established that you've seen the real him, during downs as well as ups.

It sounds to me like you have 100% made the right decision. The anger, the sulking, the silent treatment, the demand for attention - it’s all absolutely pathetic. Good for you for trusting your instincts and reacting quickly. He can sulk at home alone now. Was he expecting you to know your place and fuss over him and soothe him after his outburst, like a mummy would do to a toddler? He’s pathetic!

Exactly! Did he want the OP pressing her face against the shop window glass peering in at him like she was the puppy?

OP Well done for immediately dumping him. He's a ridiculous joke. "You don't know how to let a man treat you right" What, by shouting at you in the street because you dared to cross a road without his permission?

For the future though, I would advise you not to tell boyfriends about your exes past abuse until they are well tried and tested. For some reason a lot of men hear of another man abusing you and instead of feeling empathy, instead think 'she let him hurt her, so she should let me hurt her too'. They use your past abuse to manipulate you (as he was doing in his texts re: saying your past trauma made you paranoid). You can't show them any weakness or give them any ammunition unfortunately.

Great decision.

Moons ago,I 'met' a bloke online

I agreed to travel by train to meet him in the flesh

About 3/4 of the way there he asked what I was wearing so he knew what clothing to look out for

'Jeans,tee shirt,leather jacket and black uggs'

He went mental at me-it was all 'your my woman now!no woman of mine wears slag slippers!i fucking hate them!how dare you wear them!'

I got off the train,walked to the next platform and jumped on the train home

I got endless messages telling me 'how fucking dare you wear fucking uggs' and 'you will come back,get on your knees and grovel to me for wearing fucking uggs'

I ignored/blocked him and it died down as I knew it would

If he'd known where I lived,I would have got in touch with the police

As it is now,if I've wandered off,my dp just looks out for anyone with a dog as its guaranteed I'll be fussing it

He just rolls his eyes at me

You did good-he didn't even bother hiding his red flags

I voted wrong sorry! YWNBU and you had a lucky escape that he showed you what a prick he was so quickly.

Thank you everyone for your support and confirming I made the right decision. I also spoke to my best friend who said she was proud of me as she always pulls me up on being a people pleaser and ‘yes man’. She says I apologise too much, even when I haven’t done anything wrong, and it’s a habit I’m trying to get out of.

He did get another sim today and messaged to say that he is giving me some space to calm down and rethink my decision. I text him what a some posters on here suggested and told him I no longer wish to speak to him, ever, and that there was zero chance I would ever reconsider the relationship or even want to be friends with him. I also told him not to contact me anymore and that I would be keeping all messages and reporting it as harassment if he contacted me again. I then blocked the new number. I’m hoping that’s the end of it.

On the plus side I have just booked my first ever overseas holiday for me and the dc which I am both terrified and excited for. I have 4 dc, 2 secondary, 2 primary so it is daunting but a few years ago I never thought I would be in a position to be able to do this all by myself.

Also, I’ve name changed for this post but I did used to post quite a lot when I was in the beginning stages of divorce. The mumsnet hive helped me so much and gave me strength and courage I didn’t even know I have so I will be forever grateful

You totally did the right thing. Well done. Major red flags!

You know now I that I think about it, he has made comments in the past about my outfit choices. Especially recently as the weather has been so hot.