AIBU to end things immediately?

[MinnyMeen]

Posting really for verification I wasn’t unreasonable in ending the relationship.

Met a man on a night out. Both mid forties. Exchanged numbers and spoke for around 3 months before we actually met for a date. Been dating for 5 months. I made it clear from day one that I wanted to take it slow as I have dc. He has no dc.

This past weekend we had a whole weekend date planned. I was staying at his from Friday-Sunday. Arrived around 8pm Friday night after work. We walked into town for dinner and on the way he went into the newsagents to grab a drink. I waited outside and as I waited a man was walking across the road (high street road not a main road) with a little puppy. I asked him I could stroke the puppy and we spoke for a couple of minutes about the breed and the puppy was giving me lots of cuddles. I have a dog and am a dog person. Not that it’s relevant but the gentleman was probably in his 70s and told me he got the puppy as his wife recently died and he’s retired so he wanted company. The whole conversation lasted a couple of minutes.

Partner comes out of the shop and has a face like thunder. Whilst I was still bent over stroking the puppy he tells me to get up and go. I say goodbye to the puppy and carried on walking with him. He’s now giving me the silent treatment and walking way ahead of me. I ask what’s wrong as I was genuinely confused and he said that I have no manners, I crossed over the road to stroke the puppy, I was on a date with him and that he needed attention too. Said I should’ve communicated to him that I was not going to be outside the shop and that I can’t just wander off. I literally walked about 6 steps to cross over the road and was right opposite the shop. He could see me at all times.

I told him I wasn’t hungry anymore and that I wanted to go back to his. As soon as we got back, I grabbed my things and left. He blew up my phone the entire way home but I didn’t answer. I text as soon as I got home and told him it was over. He’s been messaging so much since telling me that I’m out of order, I’m flakey, I don’t know how to have a relationship. I’ve now had to block him but he got another sim and messaged me from that. He said I gave up too easily and am making a mountain out of a molehill.

Was I right to end it there and then?

You did amazing by not putting up with his shit for a second more than you had to, he doesn’t sound like a safe person and certainly someone you don’t want around your dc. Well done!

How you reacted to this control freak shows just how far you have come. I hope you can meet a decent bloke; you deserve to ❤️

But you didn’t, and that is incredibly brave, I liken it to ripping my skin off, going against my natural instinct to panic and pacify

That was a red flag the size if a sky scraper, and good on you for getting the hell out there, the loser is a paranoid, controlling and dodgy as hell

Well done. I used to be very insecure and I ended up in a very abusive relationship that started like this. I’m sure you’re shaken up by it but you have undoubtedly done the right thing.

@MinnyMeen If I knew then what I know now, I would have done exactly what you did. Good on you for not tolerating this behaviour.

What a horror. Showed true colours and you are very wise to block him before it got worse. Good to inform police just in case.

Thank you so much everyone for your lovely comments. I knew deep down I’d done the right thing. It’s that little voice in the back of
my head that makes me doubt myself. He did say that my past trauma has caused me to be paranoid and that I’m punishing him for my exh actions and that hit a nerve. He also said that I didn’t know how to let a man treat me right and that I was pushing him away because I was scared to get too close to
him. I just needed reassurance that I’d done the right thing.

People's lives would be alot easier if they were friendly and easygoing.

Why don't people think before they blow up .

Oh, I had this.

Full dress histrionics because as a group of people sitting round a table in the pub chatting, I had a long conversation with someone else. I "should have known " he needed attention. (How? He appeared to be happily chatting to someone else!)

To my shame, I didn't dump him for several weeks- we had a holiday booked 😳. He actually got worse, very much worse, on holiday, so I ended up dumping him while we were out there.

@MinnyMeen You 100% made the right decision.

You did nothing wrong.

Your actions of chatting to an elderly (lonely) gentleman with a cute puppy were completely normal, and very sweet.

Lots of elderly people have dogs as it gives them company and also people then talk to them because of the dog. You probably made his day!

As for your date, his behaviour was controlling and unacceptable.

What was even more worrying was that he then got another SIM when you blocked his number. Very disturbing.

What a fucking CUNT!!!!!!!!

Men who do shit like this should be painted red all over. "Oh just because your ex treated you badly, that means you assume I am too" WELL YOU ARE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!! Being less of a cunt doesnt mean you are not a cunt!

He took something you trusted him with and turned it into a stick to beat you with. I am feeling fucking murderous now.

His mega controlling mask slipped. Then he hid his # to text you abusive shit, like that's going to make you want to date him again.

You reacted appropriately and it looks like you dodged a big bullet. Watch your back.

The work you've done regarding how your ex treated you is why you recognized his controlling red flag behaviour. And leaving immediately and breaking up over text, smart move. This guy is at least verbally abusive, controlling, and knows how to get around being blocked by changing his SIM, so he's done the stalker bit before.

If he calls again or tries to come around, tell him you're done and you'll call the police.

I'd say do the Freedom Program if you haven't already and read Why Does He Do That, available as a free PDF online.

You’ve had a lucky escape!

Not normal behaviour, from him. At the very least he should have first enquired if you knew the dog/ the man! When couple break up, sometimes they split care of pets, so this puppy could be known to you for all he cared. I think I would have even abandoned my stuff at his and ran for dear life lol lol. And I don’t get frightened easily.

Hell yes. I dated on of those in my early 20’s! Jealously and possessiveness and all very controlling. He’s shown you who he is and you rightly ran!

100% the right thing. So glad you did this and before your lives were any more intertwined. Wish other women would be this quick and divisive as soon as such a red flag comes up

Run girl run. The fact that he got another sim is insane😂🤣 what kind of obsession is that

You've lost a prince there...not.

Well done for not putting up with his shit. I am male and when I was a teen I had a friend who was always popular with girls but never kept a girlfriend long. He went out with a girl for a while who confided he timed her if she went to the loo. Just in case she talked to anyone else...I was ok because I was "ugly" so he knew she wouldn't go off with me. Needless to say he's been divorced twice and I am not his mate anymore.... from about that moment actually 😂

I actually don't have the words for this one. Jesus Christ.

He’s sounding worse and worse. You’ve come a long way, you can see and acknowledge red flags, well done. You’re well rid!

Of course you were right to end it. He sounds like an absolute danger.

Your therapist would be so proud of you!

Given what you've been through you have done amazingly. You're a role model for all the women, who are still being taught to appease these bullies.

I get it; it's hard to even process in the moment when you hear something so mad. Well done for doing the right thing; stand firm. I hope he's stopped pestering you by phone now.