AIBU to end things immediately?

[MinnyMeen]

Posting really for verification I wasn’t unreasonable in ending the relationship.

Met a man on a night out. Both mid forties. Exchanged numbers and spoke for around 3 months before we actually met for a date. Been dating for 5 months. I made it clear from day one that I wanted to take it slow as I have dc. He has no dc.

This past weekend we had a whole weekend date planned. I was staying at his from Friday-Sunday. Arrived around 8pm Friday night after work. We walked into town for dinner and on the way he went into the newsagents to grab a drink. I waited outside and as I waited a man was walking across the road (high street road not a main road) with a little puppy. I asked him I could stroke the puppy and we spoke for a couple of minutes about the breed and the puppy was giving me lots of cuddles. I have a dog and am a dog person. Not that it’s relevant but the gentleman was probably in his 70s and told me he got the puppy as his wife recently died and he’s retired so he wanted company. The whole conversation lasted a couple of minutes.

Partner comes out of the shop and has a face like thunder. Whilst I was still bent over stroking the puppy he tells me to get up and go. I say goodbye to the puppy and carried on walking with him. He’s now giving me the silent treatment and walking way ahead of me. I ask what’s wrong as I was genuinely confused and he said that I have no manners, I crossed over the road to stroke the puppy, I was on a date with him and that he needed attention too. Said I should’ve communicated to him that I was not going to be outside the shop and that I can’t just wander off. I literally walked about 6 steps to cross over the road and was right opposite the shop. He could see me at all times.

I told him I wasn’t hungry anymore and that I wanted to go back to his. As soon as we got back, I grabbed my things and left. He blew up my phone the entire way home but I didn’t answer. I text as soon as I got home and told him it was over. He’s been messaging so much since telling me that I’m out of order, I’m flakey, I don’t know how to have a relationship. I’ve now had to block him but he got another sim and messaged me from that. He said I gave up too easily and am making a mountain out of a molehill.

Was I right to end it there and then?

Wow I’m so impressed you acted SO quickly and decisively. You could teach many women a thing or too. Well done you. He is bad news.

Maybe the 3% think she was u to not tell the controlling misogynist arse where to get off the minute he "told her to get up and go". That's the only thing here that might perhaps be called a mistake.

You’re an adult, who can decide to cross the road and stroke a puppy if she wants too. You don’t need permission, nor to “run it by anyone”, so the fact his mad you wasn’t waiting outside the shop like a tied up dog or that you was giving a puppy some attention is ludicrous! How can he be mad at that, absolute weirdo and he sounds dangerous having that type of thinking.

stop people pleasing !!!!!

there is nothing wrong with calling him partner/ boyfriend/ man friend/ companion/ fella

you have read the room and left, that is all that matters

you do not need to explain your terminology to anyone, your actions have spoken louder than any words

Ooh no, you've done exactly the right thing! He showed you who he is - believe him. Possessive controlling insecure twat! Don't let him talk you round! Block and ignore

This was 💯 the way to go! YANBU.

When someone tells you who they are, listen. YANBU. Your gut saved you.

Tbh it took me a few minutes because at first I thought he must be joking. Then I saw the anger on his face and it just triggered memories of exh and how he used to look before he turned on me. I spent 16 years with that man and learnt how minimise and placate him to get myself somewhat safe. My end goal was to get back to his so I could leave asap. Luckily we’d gone straight out to dinner when I got there so I hadn’t even unpacked my overnight bag. It was still by the front door. As soon as he opened the door to let us in, I grabbed the overnight bag and bolted to my car before he even realised what was going on. I had to pull over about 10mins down the road because I was shaking so much

I do people please, I’m aware of that. I’m working on it. Thank you x

Well done for not putting up with his shit. 100% the right thing to dump the twat. 👏🏻👏🏻

Well done op

Bless you ❤️

I'm glad you are out of it and away from him, the ones that conceal their true personalities well really scare me as you fall in love not knowing, and you find out when it's too late 😞

You absolutely made the right choice. You are a grown adult, who is able to have a polite conversation with another person and stroke a dog, without needing permission from the man you're dating. His response was definitely a red flag, of him wanting control over you.

Keep any messages, in case you need them. Block him.

Well he thought he could bully you about the dog and when you didn't let him, he really showed how nasty he can be and with all the blame on you about you giving up to easy and not one sorry in sight! Got what he deserves. Well done for being so strong!

Me too, hence recognising it straight away

it’s very hard to break the habit, you should be very proud you didn’t start telling your ‘partner’ you understood why he was cross, you promise not to do it again, you understand how he feels, you will never as much as glimpse at a puppy again

blah, blah, blah 😕. It’s me all over and it comes from a deep sense of inadequacy and belief I am never good enough, everything is always my fault

you have absolutely aced this

now he is your ex significant other’ 😂

So refreshing to see someone that understands their worth and can see the reg flags before it is too late. Good job 👏 dont look back u will find the one

I would suggest you answer him ONCE with a very clear message.

"I have ended our relationship, that decision will not be changing. Do not contact me any more, in any way. Any further communication will be considered harassment and reported to the police."

Then do a Clare's Law request, better safe than sorry.

Well done you! What a twat. Keep prioritising your peace.

He said a fair bit in the messages but face to face he said I had disrespected him by walking off when I was on a date with him and not communicating to him where I was going. I then tired to explain (god knows why) that I just got a bit excited after seeing a puppy as it was very cute and I just wanted puppy cuddles. He said he’d seen me walk across the road from the shop and didn’t know where I was going and that I hadn’t even bothered telling him. I said I didn’t think I needed permission from him to stroke a dog. He said if there were 10 dogs on the road would you stroke all of them. I said yes, yes I would. I love dogs. He said I had no consideration for him and that we were on a date and I should be paying him attention. At this point I said he sounded absolutely ridiculous and that I’d lost my appetite and wanted to go home I then turned and started walking in the direction of his house.

What a fucking dick head he is. Don't look back, good for you ignoring him. What an idiot.

The idea that making your own decision to go and see a puppy is being disrespectful just makes my mind boggle.

Honestly. People (men?) have no clue what respect actually means and just believe it's being in control of someone else.

I spent 16 years in a very unhappy marriage where I did exactly this. I divorced in 2020 and this man is the first person I’ve dated as I honestly didn’t feel ready to get back out there. I’ve done a lot of therapy to get me to where I am now. I’m not 💯 there yet but I know I’ve come a long way.

The hardest part is not slipping back into my old habits as it’s so easily done. I did almost start apologising for upsetting him which is all I’ve ever known.

you saw a red flag called controlling and needy and you needed it. then he waved a shit ton more red flags in your face . good dodge.

Well there's the reason he has no kids. Women have been running away from him his whole life I imagine! Well done OP for getting out early.

But you DIDNT!!

You nearly did but you didnt! Thats massive progress! And you left straight away.

Well done, as a fellow survivor, I am proud of you.