AIBU to ask my friend to leave after criticising my diet?

[Dogingarden]

I have a friend staying with me at the moment because it's just been my birthday.

I have been having treatment for breast cancer and have had no appetite for several weeks. Today I had a craving for pizza and have eaten a large pizza and some chips. I've also eaten most of a bar of green and blacks chocolate today too, along with some other bits.

Friend isn't very impressed and has said several times I need to eat healthy food. She's very much into healthy eating and is very disciplined about what she eats.

I've explained that my consultant says to eat whatever I fancy when I fancy and not worry about what I'm eating as long as I'm getting calories. I have long nearly two stone from chemo side effects, for context.

Friend disagreed with this and said I shouldn't be eating "processed crap" because it's just going to make the cancer worse.

I'm extremely upset by her attitude and what she's said. She's gone up to bed and I'm sitting in the garden with my dog feeling awful. She's meant to be staying until wed but I'm going to ask her to leave in the morning.

Wibu?

Who is “they” ?

Much as I like R4 just because someone says “X is such and such” on there doesn’t mean it’s correct.

You’re absolutely right! What do those oncologists know about cancer? A nice bit of rainbow chard will show those tumours what’s what 💪🥬

OP, I’m sorry you’re going through this and wishing you the very best xx

I’m sure she’ll respect your decision and know that she crossed the line even if her intentions were good.

She’s not really a friend with that attitude.
l’ve supported my daughter through chemo and radiotherapy and it made her feel awful.
You did well to be able to eat what you did after everything you’ve been through.
You’ve been kind letting her stay tonight.
She’s the problem.

I wish you all the best for your future health and happiness.

Oh, absolutely. Yes, I totally agree. Had I been the friend I would have kept my opinions to myself on that occasion. It was not the right time.

Yes, of course she should. It was the wrong time for the friend to have mentioned it. Actually, is there ever a right time? Telling a friend who has cancer about the health-giving properties of food can come across as somehow accusatory, as if you're implying that the cancer were self-induced.

I never told my friend what I knew about cancer-fighting foods, as his cancer was terminal and it seemed to me that he should be eating whatever he wanted to and be happy for his remaining time.

But I do think that oncologists should let their non-terminal patients know what foods they could include in their daily diet to help their recovery and minimise the chances of recurrence.

Food is not a substitute for pharmaceutical treatment, but it has an important role to play.

Do have a listen to these if you're interested.

Last week's episode. BBC Radio 4 - The Food Programme, Could Food Do More in Cancer Care and Prevention? https://share.google/H1eXnWuq6Vi9zHho3

And the earlier episode from 2013, shortly after the presenter's own diagnosis.
BBC Radio 4 The Food Programme, Food, Cancer and WellBeing
https://share.google/PXKRKLFAj1FS5QneY

She is not interested. Not at the moment. Sometime chocolate and pizza hits the spot, everything in moderation, that doesn’t mean every sensible thing you know about nutrition disappears. Sometimes you don’t want to be good.
I think you should leave too. 🚪joking.

Of course you're not unreasonable. Get her judgement out of your home. You're kind to let her stay the night.

I'm sorry you're ill.

My comment wasn't addressed to the OP. It was a reply in response to the post by FashionVixen. The post implied that he/she wasn't aware of the scientific data on this subject and was therefore making light of it. I sought to enlighten.

Since you’re going through treatment then you should take the professional advice offered at this time OP
and your friend was very rude

Im assuming your doctor is saying to eat what you want because the treatment can have an adverse affect on your appetite.

However
Moving forward and as others have noted in the long term certain foods are better for us. Certain foods are carcinogenic. Certain foods feed cancer cells
Sugar and carbs ( which turn to sugar) feed cancer cells
Smoked foods are carcinogenic
Tomatoes fight cancer cells
for example

Not all foods are equal

Now however yoy just need to get the calories and take your doctors advice
Good luck OP 🙏

Doctors have known this for decades.

For goodness sake, the OP is in the middle of chemotherapy - she's lost a huge amount of weight and can't stomach most food. The time for worrying about nutrition is not now. It is absolutely the priority to get calories into her, before worrying about what those calories come from. If she can't stomach 'good food' then she can't put on weight eating it can she!!

She’s a complete insensitive dickhead and unfortunately some people just suddenly become ‘experts’ not knowing the reality of chemo. So unless she’s going to act like a true friend, make herself useful and cook you whatever your heart desires I would be asking her to leave.

I’ve had a ‘friend’ sending me unsolicited links to alternative treatments, diet advice etc and each time I have to restrain my self from responding ‘oh just f#ck off!’. No matter if it’s from a place of concern it doesn’t excuse their lack of respect that you are going through this now and don’t need criticism.

Of course you should eat what you fancy whenever you fancy it, nothing worse than trying to squeeze down a lettuce leaf if your body is craving carbs and a bit of chocolate. Your mental health is so important and nurturing yourself is what’s needed at this time.

(For me I’ve found that oat milk, banana and peanut powder milkshakes have been my saving grace to get calories into me when I’ve been stuck in that limbo of feeling hungry but not had energy to prepare food but also need to eat to help stop me feeling sick, but then that’s allowed me to get something else more substantial down, it’s just finding something that works for you)

Really hope it gets better for you asap and that you get to bloody enjoy your next pizza completely guilt free xx

I’d give her one more chance.

in the morning tell her what you’ve told us, how much it’s upsetting you and that if she doesn’t stop she needs to go.

otherwise if you just check her out that’s probably the end of the friendship.

Id promptly tell her to f... off in a very direct tone. Honestly food is food at this stage. I feel so sorry your having to feel crappy. Im so glad you were able to eat.

Oh gosh! Definitely tell her to leave. This reminds me of my awful mother telling me not to have a piece of rhubarb tart when I was going through chemo because I’d get fat! She even puffed up her face as if I didn’t know what fat was! Thing was I really wanted thr rhubarb tart to take away the metallic taste in my mouth and like the OP I’d been struggling to eat anything at all! (I had the rhubarb tart!)

@Dogingarden I just want to congratulate you on eating all that - well done! 🤗🤗🤗

After my mum had her mastectomy and lymph node resection for stage 2 grade 2 and had chemo, she said everything tasted metallic. She forced down the protein shakes I made her to get nutrition only as she had no appetite (vegan protein powder, milk, yoghurt, fruit, greens, matcha, evoo), but if she wanted to eat something solid it was Ritter Sport Bars (peppermint or coconut) and Pringles (Sour Cream and Onion). She's on year 7.
Wishing the same for you. 💐🩷

During my chemo (I was lucky to have the whole journey done privately) I was given a food menu from which I could order whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Middle of London, super famous clinic, people coming from all over the world to see the oncologists there. Well the menu included ice cream! Shock and horror! They should be made to close down!!

OP, eat all the pizzas that you fancy, and if you need more chocolate text me, I’ll send it to you.

Those who pontificate on what people should eat when they are trying really hard to stay alive have clearly never had chemo. Piss off.

Caring??? I don't think she's caring at all.

Try rude, callused, and alarmingly dismissive. Apparently this "friend" knows better than the doctor! First she forced her unwelcome (and incorrect) opinion on OP and then doubled down when @Dogingarden explained what her doctor has said. The pure arrogance of her!

@Dogingarden, please keep treating yourself and eat whatever you like as often as you can. Does this idiot not realize how difficult eating is for you right now? Please put her straight. Tell her this is not how real friends support one another, and let her know that dictating to and hurting you at a time like this makes you question her feelings/intentions.

Firstly I’m so sorry you are going through this . Secondly you do need to get that weight back on any way you can. Your friend being there is going to make you question everything you put into your mouth and you won’t relax enough to enjoy your food. I would tell her what you’ve told us and that if she doesn’t like it then she can leave.

Oh bless you - I remember my friend drinking high calorie drinks when he had cancer Ashe was tall but so thin after the treatment. You enjoy your food, a ‘better’ diet is for different days, now you just need the calories to get some weight back on. Good luck with the treatment and perhaps suggest to you’re friend that she’s really upset you with her personal views that are really unhelpful and if she’s a friend she’ll support you and what your dr has said you need rather than give you grief you don’t want or need

No. She's ignorant.