AIBU to ask my friend to leave after criticising my diet?

[Dogingarden]

I have a friend staying with me at the moment because it's just been my birthday.

I have been having treatment for breast cancer and have had no appetite for several weeks. Today I had a craving for pizza and have eaten a large pizza and some chips. I've also eaten most of a bar of green and blacks chocolate today too, along with some other bits.

Friend isn't very impressed and has said several times I need to eat healthy food. She's very much into healthy eating and is very disciplined about what she eats.

I've explained that my consultant says to eat whatever I fancy when I fancy and not worry about what I'm eating as long as I'm getting calories. I have long nearly two stone from chemo side effects, for context.

Friend disagreed with this and said I shouldn't be eating "processed crap" because it's just going to make the cancer worse.

I'm extremely upset by her attitude and what she's said. She's gone up to bed and I'm sitting in the garden with my dog feeling awful. She's meant to be staying until wed but I'm going to ask her to leave in the morning.

Wibu?

I'd be messaging her now to tell her her judgment has only made things harder for you at a very difficult time, that you will not have her issues with food put upon you, that you will be listening to the advice of medical professionals over her and that she needs to get her judgmental arse out of your house tomorrow morning.

Outrageous behaviour!

Is she mad? I would have cooked for you whatever you fancied or gone out to a cafe to bring you stuff home, as a friend just delighted to see you eating and enjoying it
Calories are calories when you need them

i don’t know if you’ll like any of these but
b&m currently have frappe mixes in, mars or snickers flavour which you blend with milk and ice and are much nicer than I expected!
mango lassi is another one good for hot weather and calories

You need to say pretty much that, OP. But not in a text. Face to face in the morning. You could also say that she's added to your stress, which she should know could make the cancer worse.

Fucking hell, most cancers make you lose a shed load of weight and taking on calories is the most important thing. One time you definitely do want carbs and plenty of fat.

Also people shouldn't assume someone got cancer because of their poor diet. My friend has stage 4 cancer at 50 and is fit, slim, vegetarian and barely drinks alcohol.

What a bitch. And I hope you told her so too😊

My mum was very very into clean eating especially when she went through the menopause. She was also a pain in my arse when I was pregnant going on about the right foods etc. When she got told she had cancer the eating to heal was something she latched onto until her chemotherapy. For the entire treatment and afterwards she only managed vanilla icecream and happy hippos with the rare crumpet with jam.

So sorry for what you’re going through OP 💐

Ive witnessed family go through chemo and other treatments for breast cancer and it’s gruelling.

Your friend is an insensitive, righteous cow.

I hope you enjoyed your pizza. Please don’t ever feel guilty for what you’re eating right now. You deserve unlimited pizza and chips.

You really haven't listened to the posters on here who have been through chemo. I suggest you go back and read what they have written (me included).
Chemo changes your whole concept of food. It changes your taste, your hunger, your ability to swallow, your mouth can become sore and blistered. Lots of people on chemo cannot eat for days after. They don't want to eat. Then they may be starving and eat for the first time in days - but only be able to eat chocolate and white bread without being sick. Would you rather that they collapse from hunger? After chemo I don't eat and then I struggle as my mouth is so sore that even my teeth ache.

A lot of people seem to be missing the difference between acute-phase eating and long-term eating.

Yep. Most chemo messes with the sense of taste, appetite and everything else to do with food. I was just happy to find anything that didn't leave a horrible taste in my husband's mouth. If he'd managed a pizza I'd have been thrilled!

Yes, and I'm starting to get really angry with people posting 'but she's right'.

They don't have a clue.

Your friend is right, of course, that what we eat has profound and far-reaching effects on our health and longevity.

I listened to a very interesting episode of The Food Programme on radio 4 last week, which was on this very topic.
I think it's very remiss of oncologists not to inform their patients of the power of food. What we eat really does make a difference.

Oh FFS.

Please go back and read all of my posts. My diet before this hell started was good. I didn't get cancer because I didn't eat enough veggies, I got it because I have the gene for it. I'm going to have a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy at some point.

If she really "cared", she could have cooked for you (and it still would have been your choice whether to eat it or not!).

Imagine being so ignorant that you can't imagine that someone might only be able to eat certain things when unwell. Loss of appetite and change in palate is a well known side effect of cancer and its side effects.

It does. Right now OP needs any form of calories, that’s what makes a difference
salad and veg is not going to help her gain weight back

Your friend is a total cunt and I would absolutely be asking her to leave. What you eat is none of her bloody business. And no, eating a pizza doesn’t ’make your cancer worse’. If you’ve been having chemo, pretty much any oncologist will tell you to eat whatever gives you an appetite.

The absolute hysteria over ‘UPF’ is absurd and grossly exaggerated anyway.

You have absolutely failed to understand how any of this works.

Exactly. A bit of pizza, chips and chocolate is the least of your concerns right now and your friend should have let you enjoy your treats in peace.

Some people genuinely believe salad cures all illnesses.

They’re called idiots.

YANBU and I wouldn’t see anybody that rude or daft again.

Good lord! Big unMumsnetty hug to you, @Dogingarden Your friend was not very friendly to you.

Why wasn't she cooking you tempting & delicious food?

Can you calmly tell her that she's wrong and made you feel shit, at a very difficult time? Then give her a chance to apologise. She sgould be very sorry for how she's made you feel, at a time when you need unconditional support.

Is this friendship OK for you at this time? Have a think about that.

And YAdefinitelyNBU

There's a world of difference between eating healthily prior or when recovering, and when you're in the midst of chemo or severely underweight straight after it. A cancer patient in active treatment needs to eat when what what they can.

It's the height of ignorance and arrogance to come onto this thread and spout healthy eating, when OP is only 7st at 5' 9".

I bet they only eat Mumsnet massive salads too!

I despair at posters who just don't get it. Chemo sucks. I have my next lot this week and I promise that the night before I will be eating what I want as the next week I will eat nothing but (sugar free) ice pops!

It's hard to believe that anyone who's aware of OP 's weight at this point, and the fact that she's not been able to face any food for two weeks, could be anything other than relieved that she's managed to get some calories down her.
That goes for her friend and anyone who's actually read OP 's posts.