To be shocked that my good friend, 37, is seeing a 66 year old lady?

[darksideofthetoon]

Had a few beers with a good friend recently and got a bit tipsy and we got into his dating life. He told me that he’s been seeing a 66 year old grandmother. He is only 37 for reference. They met via online dating.

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with this but I’m just a bit shocked to be honest. He says that they enjoy each other’s company and there is no intention of it developing into anything more.

My friend has always dated younger women and not short of female attention at all.

It’s all good right?

@darksideofthetoon as with any large age gap relationship it becomes noticeable to the younger one usually in their late 40s (say 47/48) when their partner is pushing 70 and in this threads case 80! You’re still in your prime in your 40s which is definitely not the case for your partner. For young females this realisation comes too late once they are saddled with children and potentially their partner’s ill health. For younger males dating old ladies, there’s usually no kids involved and they are still young enough to move on when signs of old age can no longer be ignored and age is no longer just a number!

A friend of mine is in her late 40s with two teenage children pushing the kids father (late 60s) around in a wheelchair after numerous strokes. Not a great life for a 40 yo and their children - they have very restricted lives.

@darksideofthetoon I think your friend will be okay. He can just walk away when he’s either bored or there’s any sign off I’ll health as no kids together. It’s just a bit of fun for them both for a while.

It's not bullshit. Men massively outnumber women on dating apps, and will receive very few matches. A man who gets picky over age (for example) is going to get very few matches.

I'm surprised that you're surprised by this, as all of this is well known.

Honestly, I think this is a bit odd. I'm well into middle age and if I imagine being with a guy 30 years younger than me, I just can't think what we'd have in common or talk about. Feels like pretty much everything from politics to music would need a whole lot of explanation if your date can't even remember the 1980s. I'm not judging, just a bit baffled at the attraction for either of them.

No it wouldn’t. Half of Mumsnet would be with partners 30 years older and have never been happier apparently…

I have a friend in her 60s and she’s very beautiful. She has a had a couple of boyfriends of that age and they like her because she isn’t looking for commitment, is independent socially and financially and is great fun and very sexy.

I could never go out with someone that young - I look my age and am not remotely hot - and I’m not generally a big fan of big age gaps but I don’t think it’s necessarily exploitative or unhealthy.

Are you jealous, OP? Do you have an interest on this "friend"? Yes, it's a huge age gap but it seems they're both having fun. The power dynamics is nothing like "old man with young girl". Things balance differently when the man is younger.

I've known plenty of wealthy people who enjoy a freebie!

I'm early 70's and considered attractive i often get attention from much younger men . It's very flattering, but I don't think I would act upon it. 30 plus years I think is a stretch too far for me. But good luck to them both. Not doing any harm by the sound of it.

Seems to me as though your friend is enjoying the company of a 'sexy older woman' and said SOW is taking full advantage. Good for them, it's not hurting anyone.

Marriage is all about in sickness & in health. Age difference has nothing to do with it. Your friends situation is undeniably unfortunate although in life regardless of age strokes, accidents, ill health in general can necessitate a wheelchair. If the tables were turned I'm sure her partner would do the same. My cousins wife in her 40s is in a wheelchair due to a skiing accident. Doctors thankfully say she will walk again. Meantime her husband has no issue with 'pushing her around in a wheelchair'

That’s because it was an accident. Your cousin may feel differently if his wife was 20-30 years older than him and he’s pushing his old lady wife around in a wheelchair due to age related illness. Yes, she couldn’t help it but he could be thinking he was a bit naive to think the age gap didn’t matter when they first got together!

I don't agree. If there is genuine love there & why shouldn't there be, age shouldn't be an issue. If it was its like saying my father is now very old & needs my help which is not something I expected or desire to do. If the couple care enough for each other it's their choice as to what they are happy to deal with. If we are fortunate enough to live into old age as a happily married couple they simply care for each other. It's the same with a couple with an age gap. It's called caring.

Seems to be working for them. Be happy for your friend.

Whatever.

Does he have kids? Does he want to?

Do you and him have any "history"?

Maybe older ladies are his thing? Yeah it's a bit shocking but the younger man/older lady thing is really normalised now so prepare to see more of it I think!

Only the ones that don't learn from their mistakes!

Pearls would be clutched in horror. How dare people have a consensual relationship!! Outrageous!! Jail them immediately 🤣🤣

The guy is no spring chicken. He is entering his 40s in 3 years time.

It’s different of course if it was a teen or maybe early 20s, and an older person with that age gap I probably would be more concerned (if it was my daughter involved for example).

Otherwise, the lady sounds like she is living her best life. Good on her!

Good for them. They're both having fun, not hurting anyone, and not letting any outdated mores or bullshit rules about '50%+7' get in their way.

It’s a large gap but so what. I think it’s odd when the younger party is under 25 but above that it doesn’t feel exploitative.

I had a friend in school who started dating a 57 year old at 19. They’re still together now 14 years later and have 2 young children. I think she was seeking a father figure after hers died when we were 12.

He obviously has a sexual attraction to mature women which is a not particularly uncommon fetish, and her to younger men. Good for them.

A 30 year age gap is NOT common. I dont know anyone in an age gap relationship with that large a gap. I am not saying its wrong, but its seriously not "common" for men in their 30s to be dating women in their 60s 😆

Yes surprised the amount of posters writing it’s common, it’s not, we all know it’s not, reads like some form of self soothing where older women get to think all these young guys fancy them. And I’m 57, and would be considered attractive, so I’m not going to be bothered either way.

but no it it’s not remotely common for men in their thirties to be physically sttracted to mid 60s and older women. We do see more the other way round, but that’s a different situation on why a woman in her thirties would get with a man in his late 60s.

I had a work colleague with a son of 18, who began dating a 48 year old woman. My colleague wanted to scratch her eyes out.

but no it it’s not remotely common for men in their thirties to be physically sttracted to mid 60s and older women. We do see more the other way round, but that’s a different situation on why a woman in her thirties would get with a man in his late 60s.

Yes, the only time you ever see it is when the older partner is very famous and very rich- and that applies to both genders.

In the average population, it's not common at all, which is a good thing. I am 49, that would be like me dating a 19 year old which is gross to me 🤮