Aibu to overthink boyfriend never posts me on socials?

[rachel55488]

Hey girls so I really need advice here because it’s something me and my boyfriend keep arguing over. On WhatsApp he keeps changing his profile picture to a selfie of him. And has never posted me on his WhatsApp. And his instagram is also a picture of just him aswell. We have been arguing a good bit lately and he did have me and him on insta then we fell out bad one time and he actually changed it. I keep telling him I feel hidden away and he just keeps saying he never posts anything anyway (which he doesn’t) he has 2 sons and never even posts photos of them. Then he said but sure you have a selfie of you but my picture on WhatsApp is of me and my daughter and same with insta. To me that’s completely different. And I said this really seems like this is just for attention so other girls will message him etc. we’ve been together 6 months. He’s also a good bit older than me so we sort of see views different. He’s 42. I’m 31. I have tried to explain it annoys me but he still doesn’t change anything. Personally if a man came to me and said they were upset and felt hidden away I would change my profile pics straight away to make them happy? But that’s personally just me

The OP writes almost weekly threads criticising everything her boyfriend does. From communicating with his ex, making him block people on FB, contacting his exes asking about him, how many toothbrushes are in the house, loads of issues about social media etc. Basically acting like a 12 year old paranoid child. When she's called out for it she just stops posting generally and a new post appears a few days or a week later.

I’m married, but my husband doesn’t have a pic of me as his profile pic.
Maybe it would have mattered if SM was around when we were dating, but I think that’s a bit of a ‘younger persons’ thing to do isn’t it?

I guess if it’s important to you, then it matters. But if he doesn’t have much of a SM presence then I don’t see it as a big deal no matter what stage of the relationship.

My partner isn’t even friends with me in social media. I live with him, have children with him, trust him completely so don’t feel the need to be “friends” online. His profile photo is of him almost 20 years ago and he’s never changed it. The only thing he uses SM for is to doom scroll and keep in touch with family ( he has family all over the world).

His WhatsApp picture has remained the same for 8 years. The only think he changes is his screensaver to me and the kids.

the insecurity lays with you on this one. If you think he’s cheating then walk away if this small thing bothers you.

That old chestnut.

I'm wary of any man who says this about all his exes and takes no responsibility for failed relationships.

He's not wrong in this instance though - you do sound incredibly needy and immature.

Don't enter the lion's den covered in paté and then complain you're being eaten.

You need to get help with your controlling behaviour.

The only reason you want a couple picture is to lay claim to him after a short 6 months relationship. Its not required.

He doesnt use SM and he also has kids to think about. What would his kids think if he had a pic of you and not them! You are big enough tp respect your own child but not his.

Thanks for the heads up. I've never done an advanced search on a poster before but I'm glad I did because now I know not to bother opening any more threads that this op starts.

I don't know which would be more exhausting - to be her (with all the teenage fretting about trivial nonsense) or to be in a relationship with her. No idea why her partner is sticking around.

(edited so that a sentence made sense)

I generally don't do them, unless I recognise a frequent flyers username.

It’s really not that complicated. Your posting history shows you post exactly the same paranoid nonsense on a regular basis. It doesn’t matter whether it’s social media, toothbrushes or your boyfriend’s ex. I’d get professional help.

I've been with DP for 20 years, not once has my profile photo on Facebook included her. It a profile photo, it's meant to be of me!

Regardless, you need to leave this guy. Every few days you post some new miniscule way you don't trust him. The other day it was toohbrushes, today it's profile photos.

It doesn't matter if you're paranoid of if he really is mucking you around, you're not happy either way. You'd be better off single.

All of this.

SM really is damaging relationships and people's grip on reality.

How do you do an advanced search of posters? I want to avoid this absolute twaddle in future. Hope it’s not a paid feature.

Just click on ‘Advanced Search’ at the top right, in the list of options that begins ‘Active’, ‘My feed’ ‘I’m on’ etc.

I have been married 20 years and have not mentioned this at all on any of my social media. Means nothing

The most solid relationships are the ones you know nothing about. The ones that don't need to shout about it on socials. I never share pics of my husband or kids on socials, we are very happy. But if you didn't know me and looked at my instagram, you'd probably think I was single and adventuring solo!

I have a mumsnet account whats app email and a phone number thats it no other social media at all.

If i was dating i wouldn't slander it online, as im not teenager.
Of all the people I've ever dated I've never needed social media to prove i have a relationship.

Really don’t see this working out… after 6 months you’re already arguing over a profile picture and not getting a bough attention. Seems you have too many differences and already having serious arguments in a matter of weeks. He might be older but seems childish to change your pf pic because he was annoyed with you

Im in early stages like you in a relationship, if he changed his profile pic to a pic of me id think it to be a bit weird, a bit too much i think

Yeah but I mean a picture of the both of us.. I always think when someone has you on nothing it means they want to look single. A man should want to show his women off

Grow up, 6 months in and you have a child of your own. Do better than behaving like a teenager.

I was surprised to see you are in your 30s. Just slightly older than you, married with 3 children and I don't have my husband on Whatsapp, Instagram or anywhere else. Ok we're "married" on Facebook so I guess that makes it official?

On Whatsapp in particular I'm in many school and nursery groups, chats with my work colleagues, if a grown man with 2 children started to put his girlfriend of 6 months everywhere as his profile picture, I'd think it strange.

I have tried to explain it annoys me but he still doesn’t change anything.

Because he isnt your puppet. You dont command his movements, he has body autonomy, he controls his own mind.

Personally if a man came to me and said they were upset and felt hidden away I would change my profile pics straight away to make them happy? But that’s personally just me

If a man said this expecting you to act, its controling and coercive, its manipulative. This is toxic behaviour. (hint hint youre being controlling and coercive, manipulative)

You realise this, you shouldn't do this.

You dont say something woth the goal of changing someone behaviours, thats controlling.

I think i used to feel a bit like that, but not anymore. It can cause problems IMO for example when you said you fell out and he changed it.

Show his woman off? What like a new car? Or a child with a new toy? Seriously?!?!?!

You're not a puppy. You're not a possession. You're not a car that hes showing hes purchased, "look how my prowess as a man has managed to attract this fine specimen."

If he isnt on social media, and he doesnt post, its not outlandish he hasn't posted about you.