Aibu to overthink boyfriend never posts me on socials?

[rachel55488]

Hey girls so I really need advice here because it’s something me and my boyfriend keep arguing over. On WhatsApp he keeps changing his profile picture to a selfie of him. And has never posted me on his WhatsApp. And his instagram is also a picture of just him aswell. We have been arguing a good bit lately and he did have me and him on insta then we fell out bad one time and he actually changed it. I keep telling him I feel hidden away and he just keeps saying he never posts anything anyway (which he doesn’t) he has 2 sons and never even posts photos of them. Then he said but sure you have a selfie of you but my picture on WhatsApp is of me and my daughter and same with insta. To me that’s completely different. And I said this really seems like this is just for attention so other girls will message him etc. we’ve been together 6 months. He’s also a good bit older than me so we sort of see views different. He’s 42. I’m 31. I have tried to explain it annoys me but he still doesn’t change anything. Personally if a man came to me and said they were upset and felt hidden away I would change my profile pics straight away to make them happy? But that’s personally just me

It’s not something that would upset me personally. There’s much more to a relationship than what is shared online, and often the couples who are always posting each other and look super happy online are the unhappiest in real life.

Possible reasons that come to mind…

He, like many, doesn’t maintain an obvious SM profile
You’ve only been together for 6 months - early days
He does not see you as ‘the one’
… or not even a potential ‘the one’

More than one reason can apply!

You are too invested in social media, like a teenager. Your profile pics should be of you not of your boyfriend/girlfriend. He's 42 and doesn't feel the need to perform for social media to make you happy. Any man that tried to control what I post online would be dumped faster than l could change a profile pic.

You don't have his photo on yours so you are being a massive hypocrite.

I think this shows your age gap quite well, you sound very young with social media, a bit immature really, and he doesn’t. YABU

You've only been together 6 months and have already had a big falling out, are arguing a lot and he's 10 years older with two children. Just end it already. The social media thing is not important, but why are you wasting your time with this.

His social media is just that: his. Why should you be in his profile picture? If someone is messaging him, it’s for him not you and him. Jeez.

He's not specifically hiding you away. You said yourself he never posts anything. He's not doing anything wrong, he just has a different approach to social media to you.

And no, I wouldn't change what I was posting if a man asked me to, I'd think they were being needy and I'd kick them to touch.

Wow Ive got more interesting things in life than to worry about profile pictures which seem a bit imature at your age tbh. I dont have my dh and vice versa and neither do we post our kids or much of anything tbh..doesn't bother me, wouldn't bother me

To be honest my husband has had the same social media profile picture of him at a cricket game well over ten years ago. He sometimes posts a picture at a football game on his stories but that's about all his social media activity consists of. I honestly think some men just don't keep a high profile on social media. Men don't generally interact with eachother or with their family like woman do. If however he is always posting on social media without ever posting a pic of you together then yeah I'd be asking questions.

I don't see why he should have your picture on social media or why it matters.

You should be paying close and careful attention to what kind of father he is, as that is the best indication of what kind of man he is.

Instead of this long detailed post about what you have noted about his pictures, why not write us a long post about what you have noted about his parenting? What does he say about how his previous relationship ended, how emotionally literate is he and how well does he reflect on his part of it?

Then women with more experience can help you out as to whether he seems a good man. Before you've had children yourself you may well miss how critically important they should be, every day, to a parent, and how they inform all your life choices and priorities. You may miss the red flags.

If this guy really is mostly bothered about how he appears on social media, he might be a bit immature for his lifestage, which is a red flag.

Or it could just be you bothering about social media when he is a more mature person who should have bigger fish to fry in life.

“Hey girls” 😒

You sound like a child.

I fear for the future if this is how a 31 year old thinks. We’re blooming doomed!

I don’t think you’re old enough to be dating.

Did you get the digits the wrong way round on your age OP, and put ‘31’ instead of ‘13’?

Grow up! Ffs 🤦‍♀️

Can't be bothered reading the OP... All it took was to see your username and kniw straight away you'd be on complaining about utter nonsense about your poor boyfriend again. I think this might even be a new record for you though... 2 threads in one night!

Are you defining yourself by you very early relationship?

It's not a common. I don't know anyone, in my age group, ie. Over 30, whose profile picture is them and their partner. There are some of them with spouse and children, when married, but even that is rare.

Could you have some toxic attachment issues?

It wouldn't even occur to me to include my partner in my photo. I'm a person in my own right, not an appendage. I have a life of my own.

Is that really the only thing you have to worry about OP.

If this post is genuine, then it's really depressing to find out that there are women in their 30s who think and act like teenagers.
What a fuss over nothing.

if a man came to me and said they were upset and felt hidden away I would change my profile pics straight away to make them happy?

If a man said this to me he’d get told in no uncertain terms to grow the fuck up.

Genuinely thought this was written by someone much much younger than 31!

it’s a profile pic on social media FFS 😂

I wouldn’t be upset by this personally but I believe not everything should be shared online, and I also don’t post any photos of our child.

Thank you for putting it better than I could manage

Are you really in your 30s?

We’ve been together 15 years. Neither of us have ever changed our fb profile picture in that time 😂. Mines from before i met him as i barely use it bar a couple of groups.

Instagram is just me, as is what’s app. He doesn’t have insta and his what’s app profile is blank. Never even thought anything about it tbh!