Would I be embarrassing myself to ask for a discount or would you try? (School fees)

[Inftsouthwest]

I’m in my 40s and me and my brother went a private school throughout, obviously many years ago. I also have some connections with the school as a couple of relatives (though now passed) used to work there.

Me and ex recently split and I have moved back to the area. Prior to split we were in a position to afford school fees with relative ease. Now we have split and with the added vat, it is going to be a struggle.

For context my take home pay is 4,500 and ex is 5,600.

I thought of going to the new headmaster and asking if he would honour some sort of discount for DD. Nothing major but perhaps even 10% or something.

Would I be completely embarrassing myself here? I know private school is a controversial topic but I absolutely adored school and feel strongly about the wider experiences young people have with private education. I know I can express this with passion, because it’s completely true for me that I really believe in the system.

We would probably send her regardless of a reduction but as above it would be hard.

I too feel extremely passionate about the privilege and benefits a private education would give my children. 🙄
But since I’m on mimimum wage and I don’t have the same sense of entitlement my children will just have to slum it at a state school.

if you can’t afford it you can’t afford it.

It seems more in your case you can afford to, if it really was that important to you you could make it work financially with your income/assets

@Scaryspicer why don’t you apply for a bursary then? Ours offers up to 100% of the fees. No need to be bitter, anyone can apply.

Pupil numbers are mainly relevant in your child’s year group. If the 11+ year group is years ahead of your child that won’t be that relevant. You don’t know where these children are going next year. Nor do you know how many children will join. I would think there would be real anxiety about the financial position of a school with those sort of numbers.

Another relevant issue is friendships. If your child doesn’t find friends in a very small group there’s no where to go to find other friends. I would be wary of such low numbers, it’s not the bonus you might think it is.

My children are coming to the end of their school years, private from prep onwards. There were virtually no bursaries in their schools and children have been pulled out due to parents not being able to fund it. Both youngsters got academic scholarships for secondary but the amounts were tiny, really it was about access to stretch and challenge. I’m happy for bursaries to go to youngsters in need but not to someone who could pay the fees but would like a bargain. As for peer group, the schools my children attended were full of children of high earning professionals and business people, some were very well to do but many not so much. We were somewhere in the middle. They have made some fantastic friends.

We would probably send her regardless of a reduction but as above it would be hard.

So you can afford but don’t want to make any hard choices or cut backs.

Bursaries are for people who can’t afford the fees at all.

Well if you don't ask you don't get. Noone can tell you what they will say if you ask. I do think you are very entitled though the fact is you can haggle a lot of things when you buy them so why not try it with school fees?
I think if you write down your income and outgoings and see you can not afford the fees you might have a ood case. But if you are still having a large disposable income for food and holidays, have 500k equity in your house, you might come across as a bit of a chancer. Many people scrimp and save to put their kids in private school and then a bursery would make sense if say you were going without food to afford the fees.
But then you are running two households so you might find you have a case.
I dount it would be a straight discount, you would have to go through the bursery route. Otherwise wouldnt everybody just turn up and ask for money off and how would they decide who gets a discount?

All this chat about 'disadvantaged' children missing out on bursaries is really making my eyes roll! My family has a household income well above the national average, a small mortgage and we own our (old) cars outright. I was concerned about my eldest going into state secondary and looked into private and there is no way that we could have afforded it for one let alone two of our children. You need to be very wealthy to afford private school in the UK now, and fairly wealthy to afford it with a bursary or scholarship. The 'disadvantaged' children in this country are living in households with a fraction of the income you'd need to even consider private school with financial support.

I would be quite worried about the long term financial viability of the school on such tiny and variable numbers. Unless there is a really good reason, such as it being deliberately set up on a Small School model. Do your due diligence re their financials - private schools can and do go bust and that can be quite tough on all the students, bursary or not.

You can ask but don’t expect them to agree unless your child is exceptional in academics or in music or sport. Plenty of us can’t afford private school… so our kids don’t go.

There are a hardship money but as you say you have enough. Frankly they won’t help unless your child is valuable to them (stellar at sport, very good grades etc). I mean we are all feeling the pinch but you are not experiencing genuine hardship. And why do you say ‘honouring’? That suggests you were offered a discount before. Having relatives that worked there in the past means nothing.
Frankly you state you’d keep him there if they can’t offer you anything. I’d be embarrassed expecting other to subsidise my child knowing sacrifices others have made to pay for their own children.

My SB was able to get a bursary for his children but only for 2 years, and they had already paid ££££ in fees

I do some work for a charity that is peripherally involved with bursaries for children from disadvantaged backgrounds and there are organisations aimed at creating pathways for children, such as Royal National Springboard, but I'm also heartened by how many parents in truly terrible circumstances are switched on to potential means of creating more or different opportunities for their children.

I would worry about them closing the prep.

This is happening up and down the country as prep is becoming less and less financially viable.

In fact, if they do offer you a discount, I would worry even more.

@user1497787065Im aware things like this exist, it doesn’t change my point though.

I’m afraid there’s little chance of a bursary in your situation. It also sounds like the kind of school that is unlikely to survive in the current climate, Class sizes of 16 is unusual these days and at 25k a year school fees the numbers don’t stack up.

@Notellinganyone multiple classes of 16 per year. The school is fine. Yes I know they can fold but this one has gone from strength to strength.

Apologies if this idea has been raised already. Having not long gone through senior school admissions it seems like competition is tough at there and scholarships are now the norm rather than the exception. They are given as an incentive rather than an honour. In some schools I would guess 80% of students have some form of scholarship. What that scholarship means in real terms depends on the the school. The other thing worth trying is an alumni discount if you went there yourself. Most private schools offer those. Have you checked - if not its always worth asking.

You sound grabby and idiotic to me

@Velumental and entitled.

Yes that's the word I was after 😂

@Downplayit i can’t see an alumni discount on the website but perhaps they wouldn’t advertise that? I will call them thank you

I used to work in admissions in a private school.

Loads of parents ask for all sorts of discounts for various reasons. Even if they have plenty of money.

But whether you get it or not is a different matter. Bursary applications take into account everyone with parental responsibility. And usually have a threshold.

Head's discretionary discount is a possibility but there usually has to be a solid reason and they will probably want to avoid precedent.

So I wouldn't feel embarrassed to ask but I wouldn't necessarily expect anything either.

@Laloubaloo thank you. I initially was going to ask for a meeting with the head… is that overkill? I was just going to set out my circumstances and refer to the fact I had been to the school and what it meant to me etc and ask if they would offer anything on that basis. I never planner to ask for a bursary and given what’s been said here I wouldn’t want to disclose all income etc. We do ok in life but we are not wealthy and for starters I have a 2017 plate car and work full time saving each month towards fees, all of which I could prove.

I really hope things work out in the way you hope and that your child is happy. I understand where you’re coming from, we all just want to do our best by our children.

But I’ve found this all quite illuminating. We can’t afford private school fees and if that’s a path we’d chosen we might’ve considered bursaries, but it would never occur to me to ask for a discount. Our friends are all reasonably well off but private school is not the norm. It’s interesting to see how differently you see things OP. You went to this private school and there is a sense that it just needs to happen. You have a circle that are wealthy and connected and it comes across almost as though this is something your entitled to and you shouldn’t have to adapt your lifestyle to accommodate it. You do have funds but don’t seem to want to use them.

@Inftsouthwest You could certainly ask for a meeting. Obviously they would ask for the purpose and depending on the school, may re direct you to Finance or Admissions.

The Head has to consider all positions and there are many many parents who would love to send their children to private school if there was viable financial aid to do so.

Setting aside the bursary process which is designed to be fair to all applicants, if a Head is to award a discretionary discount it would usually be for an exceptional reason.

There's no harm in asking but I would also be realistic and not expect anything. It might be disappointing but at least you'll not be left wondering "what if" and can move on to other options.

They may thrive in state school. Give it a go!