To feel sad about this?

[justalittlesad]

I’m in my 20s and live at home. I don’t earn a ton, but what I do earn goes into savings for a house.

My brother has just announced he’s leaving to Australia in September. My parents have gleefully announced that they will be travelling down to see him at Christmas.

We have no other family - it’s the four of us, my grandparents are dead and I am not particularly close with my aunts and uncles.

I can’t afford the airfare down to Australia. They’re talking about taking most of December and January down there. I can’t afford a hotel for that long, nor do I have the annual leave for it. When I asked what about me at Christmas, they shrugged their shoulders.

They’re looking at business or first class flights, but even the cheapest flights with 2 layovers are £1,400, which is basically my entire monthly salary.

I do understand it’s their choice, they’re adults and he’s an adult and it’s his decision to move. But AIBU to feel very sad at the thought of Christmas alone? I work up to December 24th and go back in between Christmas and new year, so it really will just be me. I’m really upset by it, because Christmas has always been my favourite time of year because of the family aspect.

AIBU? I feel like if I say anything I’ll be called selfish.

I really feel for you! I can't imagine doing that to my daughter.

Are you hoping to buy on your own? That must be a real struggle, financially, even if you are able to save at home.

Hopefully! It feels like it gets further and further away every single day.

I just feel really down about it. I won’t be able to go and get a Christmas tree alone etc., so I’m just going to be in a sad cold house by myself.

Oh .... that is a bit tough. If they are going for that length of time they could have stayed home to have Christmas with you and set off to Australia later.
I am sorry that your needs and feelings have been sidelined.
Could you volunteer somewhere on Christmas Day? A lot of churches serve Christmas lunches for the homeless.

It's ok to feel sad about it. I do feel for you. However, your parents are fully entitled to do what they want, and in all honesty, you should be a bit more independent by now. Plan a different kind of Christmas, with friends or volunteering. You can't rely on your parents for ever. Harsh I know, but true.

Lots of older people look forward to retirement and having the freedom to travel etc, but often care needs and health issues get in the way. Your parents might be relishing the opportunity to do something for themselves, while they can.

I know and I fully understand that. But Christmas has always been about family for us. They’re saying that him going to Australia won’t stop them having a “family Christmas”, while one member of the family is left behind

I can understand how hurt you must feel, I’m sorry they’ve been so thoughtless. The saving grace, I think, is that you have plenty of time now to come up with an alternative plan for Christmas. Do you have friends you could spend the day with? Most people would be more than happy to have an extra person at their table. There are also volunteer opportunities, as mentioned above, if that’s something that might interest you.

And if you do end up spending the day by yourself, the house doesn’t have to be sad and cold! You can treat yourself to the food and drink you really enjoy, crank up the radiators, put up some fairy lights and watch films all day if that’s what you feel like doing.

Well, you have two options - mope around feeling sorry for yourself for the next six months or make plans with friends or something solo.

I’m sorry about this situation. The build up may be worse than the actual day. People talking about it at work etc.

You could start a My Christmas Day list
list all your favourite food drinks and snacks. Buy them in over the weeks leading up to it.
Make a playlist, choose festive films
Get new PJs and slippers etc
Have an indulgent bath and pamper.

Is there anyone nearby who will also be on their own or a friend who could pop by?
How about a church service I’m sure you’d be made welcome

You could volunteer somewhere like the Salvation Army

There is this Can’t imagine it will be miserable

https://sarahmillican.co.uk/joinin/

Well done saving for your own home.

Try to be happy for your parents. They will be back!

You could volunteer for the day. Do you have friends you could spend it with.

It's great to be saving to buy a home which is fine but you are in your 20's and there is plenty of time to save. Most young people don't get to buy a house until they are in their 30's. I would splash out on a ticket and go with them for however long your leave allows. You are young and need to enjoy life not just saving all your money. Even if you have to go just after christmas or early jan it will make christmas alone more bearable.

I’d feel a bit awkward crashing a friend’s Christmas, they’re all with their families.

Going isn’t an option, I only have 8 days of leave left. It’s not worth flying down there for that short period of time. It’s also not just airfare, it’s the associated costs - hotels etc., which are at a premium around Christmas.

Is it possible that this will be the last Christmas they will get to spend with your brother, this sounds like the trip of a lifetime? I think they are assuming you will be here forever. I don’t think YABU to be hurt but you can’t do anything to change their plans and you’ve said you can’t go with them so your next step is to plan your solo Christmas. It can be really free and peaceful if you go into it with the right mindset.

No, they’re both healthy in their 60s. He plans on going for a year or so, so he’d be back next year

The key here might be allowing yourself to feel absolutely shit about it for just long enough to process it and then make some bloody brilliant plans and don’t let it suck you under…. No one is going to sort this except you so get planning and find a new way to do this Christmas just this once. Don’t get me wrong I can see it feels awful and you shouldn’t have to bury that or pretend but then find a way to let it go and have an adventure x

Surely if you live at home you are able to save enough to pay your own airfare and hotel between now and then?

Do you work full time?

You are an adult so I don’t think your parents are being unreasonable tbh.

Every spare penny is going into house savings, even if I were to save airfare it’s the extras - hotels, spending money and the minimum balance the government expects. It would be £4,000 to £5,000 and I just can’t justify that much on what would end up being a week long trip.

Healthy in their 60's is exactly the time for them to be doing stuff like this. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed for anybody.

I know it seems tough, but you are very young with hopefully a long time ahead of you. Next Christmas is still six months away, plenty of time for you to make plans

That's pretty rubbish of them so I'd come up with a plan sharpish.

Do you have friends or relatives who you can stay with? Know anyone in Scotland where you can go for some seasonal fun & snow?

What about other friends who are on their own? Invite them to stay at your parent's house. While the cat's away, you could have a Christmas house party.

At least you have time to plan something lovely that is to your taste. See it as an opportunity. 😊

Is this your first Christmas away from your parents? This sounds like the trip of a lifetime for them.

I would be really hurt too.
Ideally, you should let yourself feel the hurt, then let the feeling go and plan an alternative Christmas with a friend. THere will be somebody else who wants to do something different this year.

Yes it would be my first Christmas alone.

It may well be a trip of a lifetime but the way they’re phrasing it is almost as upsetting as the thought of being alone. “It’ll be a family Christmas” “what a lovely way to spend Christmas”, knowing full well I won’t be going with them.

Nobody else I know will be solo. We don’t really have contact with any other family, that’s just how life has gone over the last few years

Book yourself christmas at a hotel.

I don’t think anyone’s in the wrong here. You’re an adult and one day with a bit more perspective you’ll see that it’s not a big deal really. Just embrace the day , do things you love, get out a walk or a run or a cycle? then watch films with all the best Christmas food. Oh and buy yourself a good present. Not sure what’s stopping you getting a Christmas tree.

Shrugging shoulders is unreasonable. I get why they are going but they should acknowledge your feelings and reassure you they will have fun with you at other times.