To feel sad about this?

[justalittlesad]

I’m in my 20s and live at home. I don’t earn a ton, but what I do earn goes into savings for a house.

My brother has just announced he’s leaving to Australia in September. My parents have gleefully announced that they will be travelling down to see him at Christmas.

We have no other family - it’s the four of us, my grandparents are dead and I am not particularly close with my aunts and uncles.

I can’t afford the airfare down to Australia. They’re talking about taking most of December and January down there. I can’t afford a hotel for that long, nor do I have the annual leave for it. When I asked what about me at Christmas, they shrugged their shoulders.

They’re looking at business or first class flights, but even the cheapest flights with 2 layovers are £1,400, which is basically my entire monthly salary.

I do understand it’s their choice, they’re adults and he’s an adult and it’s his decision to move. But AIBU to feel very sad at the thought of Christmas alone? I work up to December 24th and go back in between Christmas and new year, so it really will just be me. I’m really upset by it, because Christmas has always been my favourite time of year because of the family aspect.

AIBU? I feel like if I say anything I’ll be called selfish.

No I know they’re not being unreasonable as such, it just feels a little tone deaf almost? For them to be talking about how excited they are for the big Australian family Christmas, knowing I won’t be joining them

Eurgh. That’s a really shit way of speaking about it, have they offered to help out with costs for you to go?

I’m wondering if they generally favour your brother?

You have time to come up with an alternative. How about booking a cheaper group adventure holiday over Christmas. Then you'll be celebrating together.

Or as PP said, look into volunteering.
Or look at MeetUp. I looked one Christmas and there was a big group of solos going for a walk in the park then having Christmas lunch together. It sounded lovely.

Then I'd book a few days in a mid-range hotel in Scotland or somewhere high like the peak district. You can have seasonal weather. Take a camera, join in the hotel activities, go walking or whatever you like to do. Get to know a new town or city. Have an adventure. 😊

I agree with @Finchgold .

It must be so uncomfortable for you and your parents to behave normally around each other, they're really excited and you're really sad. That's really hard to square.

Well luckily you've got lots of notice, it's not great but you can make other plans. Maybe you could find casual work over Christmas possibly getting over time rate, or volunteer. Or cook what you want, watch what you want on TV, have naps and have all the purple Quality Street to yourself.

My kids are in their early 20s. There is no way that I would do this and not financially support the other one to come along too if they could not afford it.

YABVU, especially if you’re getting free accommodation or very low rent/bills, enabling you to save for a property. That’s a massive subsidy and likely means you spend lots of time with your parents.

You’re an adult, it’s one Christmas, and it sounds like your DB won’t be there all that long so it’s an opportunity unlikely to arise often.

Sort something out for yourself.

I’m surprised at all the comments about it being thoughtless. They’re adults, OP is an adult.

They are free to make their own decisions - I wouldn’t have expected my parents to factor me into their plans at all. After the age of 18 I made my own life for myself. It’s nice to spend Christmas with family but it’s not the only way it can be spent.

Things change as you get older as people build their own families, or parents finally get independence back. Going on a trip like this is exactly what they should be doing in their 60s. I’d be over the moon for my parents.

Honestly, OP, while as others have said, it's fine to feel a bit sad, you are sounding a bit self-pitying and very little-girl about this. Is living at home while saving for a house deposit retarding your independence? I think that's something to bear in mind, especially if you're likely to be there for years more.

Honestly, many people have lived independent lives for years by their 20s. I was living in a different country to my parents from the age of 21, and while I often went home for Christmas, I didn't always, and when I did it was very much as a visitor, sleeping on the sofa, because the house was small and younger siblings had moved into my old room.

I think you should be happy that your parents are having the trip of a lifetime (acknowledge that it would be deeply unreasonable to think they should be staying at home for your sake) and concentrate on having a very different kind of Christmas yourself this year. If you don't want to arrange something with friends, then think outside the box. What would be genuinely enjoyable for you and comparatively inexpensive? There will be lots more family Christmases in future. This one doesn't have to involve you weeping on the sofa alone unless you choose to mope.

I pay £600 a month in rent.

I think it's ok to feel sad, but your family aren't doing anything wrong. You're an adult and have plenty of time to make other plans.

It sounds like you've been assuming one thing would happen, and it's understandable you'll need a few days to come to terms with the disappointment that it won't.

But honestly, it's quite empowering to realize that you have full control over all your holiday celebrations and can mark them however you like, rather than being stuck following family traditions.

I'd definitely try to organize a friend Christmas, that can be a lot of fun!

You do have the money to join them but you don't want to dig into your savings for it. You do have 8 days of annual leave and could book it but you say it's not worth it.
So it's entirely your choice to spend Christmas without your family. Not saying this to be negative. Saying it to show you this is your decision and you can choose to feel miserable about it or you can choose to plan something fun and unusual for yourself.

And is that close to the market rate for similar accommodation in places you could live with your current job? Doubt it.

They’ve subsidised you thousands of pounds in rent and fees avoided.

few people in their 20s can afford and have a job enabling them to travel round the world for a holiday. Your parents’ situation is different and that’s fine.

Have you not got any friends you could arrange to spend Christmas with? You need to make a plan, not just worry about being on your own. If no close friends sign up to volunteer (now, they get busy), or book yourself a few days somewhere in this country, maybe with a spa and treat yourself.

I understand why you’re upset though and I can’t imagine doing that to my child when they are older, or my parents doing that to me. It makes sense they want to visit your brother in his new life but my parents 100% would have paid for my ticket rather than have me be alone.

£5k out of a house deposit for a 7 day holiday (factoring in travel up to London, a day at home after to adjust from jet lag) doesn’t seem like a wise decision for me

Rent in my area is about £600-£750 a month. There’s no need to be so horrible.

My friends are all with their own families

In the nicest possible way, grow up, OP. They don't have to continually conceal their own excitement at a holiday because you're not going on it. That it will involve being away over Christmas doesn't make it different to other holidays. You're coming across as more than a bit self-centred here. Many twentysomethings in your position, living at home while saving, would be jubilant to have the house to themselves for the guts of two months!

Yes, that’s a really odd comment for them to say. And hurtful too. They are probably excited to be going to Oz though and are trying their best not to think of reasons to keep them from going.

You have 6 months until Christmas try not to think about until December then order a tree online. Remember it’s just one day. You’ll be busy working the other days and you never know what could happen between now and then - you could get invited to join someone else for Christmas dinner.

So that’s fine: you want to keep your job and save for a place with a mortgage, like many people. Your parents’ subsidies help with that.

Their situation is different so they can pay for and enjoy a long holiday.

This is an opportunity to learn that no man is an island.
You need ro swallow your pride and get messaging. There is a friend out there who will have you for christmas. You have uncles and aunts - now is a chance to connect with them despite not having done so before

SIX HUNDRED POUNDS out of what sounds like NMW? Sounds like there is more going on with your parents here OP. You could move out and rent somewhere on your own for that in lots of places. Sounds like you are the one paying for their holiday so no wonder you are annoyed!

Is your brother the golden child by any chance? If he is then yeah no matter what you say you'll be classed as 'problematic' your in a lose lose situation

I can't believe they'd just shrug their shoulders at you being left alone. I'd also feel very hurt by the 'family Christmas' excluding you comment. They've basically shown you who their priorities lie with. You'll either need to accept always being 2nd best or distance yourself from them eventually to avoid further hurt

Exactly. You are choosing to prioritise your money over your happiness. You have the annual leave and funds available but you don't want to use them. Why are you breaking your own heart over your own decisions?