To feel sad about this?

[justalittlesad]

I’m in my 20s and live at home. I don’t earn a ton, but what I do earn goes into savings for a house.

My brother has just announced he’s leaving to Australia in September. My parents have gleefully announced that they will be travelling down to see him at Christmas.

We have no other family - it’s the four of us, my grandparents are dead and I am not particularly close with my aunts and uncles.

I can’t afford the airfare down to Australia. They’re talking about taking most of December and January down there. I can’t afford a hotel for that long, nor do I have the annual leave for it. When I asked what about me at Christmas, they shrugged their shoulders.

They’re looking at business or first class flights, but even the cheapest flights with 2 layovers are £1,400, which is basically my entire monthly salary.

I do understand it’s their choice, they’re adults and he’s an adult and it’s his decision to move. But AIBU to feel very sad at the thought of Christmas alone? I work up to December 24th and go back in between Christmas and new year, so it really will just be me. I’m really upset by it, because Christmas has always been my favourite time of year because of the family aspect.

AIBU? I feel like if I say anything I’ll be called selfish.

I’d be excited to go if I were your parents however I do think they’ve been a bit tactless in the way they’ve handled it, shrugging their shoulders when you mentioned being on your on at Xmas is a bit sad. I’d still go to Australia but I would have been a bit more thoughtful in how I handled it.

Sigh. Look at it this way. It was never going to be an all-family Christmas this year. At least one family member was going to be absent. Why does it need to be your brother rather than you? You seem to be suggesting your parents should prioritise you over your brother. Why?

I’m sorry OP. How is your relationship with your parents in general? It does seem weird for them to say ‘it’ll be a family Christmas’ to you if they know you’re not coming. TBH I think it’s understandable they’re excited and I don’t think they’re wrong to go, but it sounds like they could be handling it more sensitively. Is there tension between you in general, do you think they are possibly getting a bit fed up with you being at home? If rent would be the same for living independently, I’m not sure I totally understand the advantage of you staying with them, unless you just get on well and enjoy each other’s company, in which case fair enough?

I can well imagine that it feels shit right now when the news is new, but as others have said it’s also an opportunity to start building your independence and your own traditions. Are you dating? I would have thought at your age you might possibly have met someone by Christmas and find you want to spend it with them anyway? But if not, I’d be looking for cool unusual things you could do - maybe go for a Christmas Day service at somewhere beautiful like Bath Abbey or Westminster Abbey, where you’ll have other people round you to sing carols with?

Ignore that poster. Some people don’t understand subtleties and emotions. Life and humans aren’t just about spreadsheets and cold logic.

Would you not be able to stay with your brother at all?

The OP is behaving as though she’s Kevin in Home Alone, only the parents did it deliberately.

Btw for 600 quid a month you might as well move into a houseshare, it'd be more fun

I mean, he is choosing to leave, but that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying if you’re going to sit talking about how amazing your “family” Christmas will be, don’t do it while you’re in front of someone who can’t come.

Why don’t you have any friends or family?

You need to get a network around you apart from your parents, otherwise you are going to buy a small house and end up in it alone paying the mortgage by yourself and no social life.
I very nearly went down that path myself years ago, and know the feeling of wanting to own a home but you can’t afford to have a social life/holidays then it’s too expensive for you. You can’t afford it.

It’s not worth sacrificing everything just to get on the property ladder. An older friend pulled me aside and said ‘what are you doing? You will end up alone in that house, rubbing a pet for the next few years, you are young, what are you doing??’

I think your parents are right to go away and enjoy themselves. You are an adult.
I had many Christmases alone and loved every minute. You should plan your own Christmas and don’t be relying on your parents anymore.

I’m starting to think that, but it then comes with its own barriers to buying.

@justalittlesad if you’re in your 20s and your friends are too, so probably no kids yet, how about a party / gathering at home Christmas night?

Most people in their 20s would love an excuse to go out Christmas night as they’ve usually had their fill of family by then and could do with a breather!

How so?

Hear hear.

Some posters, and the OP’s parents seem to lack emotional intelligence when it comes to expressing themselves.

I have many friends. But as I’ve said, they all got family plans.

Our family is the four of us - all of my grandparents are dead, aunts and uncles are up north and we’ve never really had a connection with them.

Going against the grain here OP I think it’s pretty thoughtless of your parents to describe it as still having a family Christmas. In their shoes there’s no way I’d leave one child behind I’d either pay for them to go or I’d do the trip before or after Christmas. Do you generally have a good relationship with them?

I can absolutely see why you’re upset but I think you should regroup and focus on making it a different type of Christmas focus on spending time with friends in the days running up can you make nice plans for New Year’s Eve etc. I actually think you might benefit from having a house to yourself.

Exactly! So many nasties on MN today. MNHQ should be managing this far better ime. Ignore all of them, OP. YA definitely NBU!!

Rent forever increases, bills etc creep up, I’d have to adjust savings for a rental deposit

This is a v good idea. Do a midnight Christmas party and you can all have a boxing day fry up

I get it, OP (well, to a certain extent...), but flip it around.
You have a full 6 months to plan, so see this as an opportunity to plan something fun or interesting. Either a holiday on your own or with friends, or spending a few days at a friend's? You could volunteer, but don't make the mistake of thinking you can stroll into a voluntary role at the last minute..... research making it part of your life regularly
Christmas can be so much more than the usual, dreary "hanging out with the family".... your parents are a bit pixilated with the idea of exotic travel, it's not about you, and in years to come you might be off somewhere exotic while they've stuck at home!
Turn this into a positive opportunity but, also, don't forget that Christmas is just one day, and really doesn't have to be a big deal!

How do you know about your friends plans? My parents went away many Christmases and left me alone and I had tons of offers to go and spend Christmas with other families.
I always stayed at home though and enjoyed my peace and selection boxes and visited other people in the evenings.

If you're upset that they're being a tad tone deaf tell them. You have options, get another job, take unpaid leave, get a loan and go with them. Or stay here and make the most of it, Christmas is a family time but it's also just another day. You can find someone to spend the day with or do whatever you want. You seem rather resigned to feeling sorry for yourself. Are you looking for everyone to feel sorry for you! Yes it's a bit crap but it's not the end of the world, go on holiday with a friend instead, cheap holiday in Spain. Do what you want.

I think you’re getting a hard time OP.

i have two DC in their 20s and another two in their teens and I cannot imagine behaving like your parents.

Houseshares (as opposed to renting a flat) dont generally increase that dramatically (as landlords are already raking it in with hmos). I take your point re bills. Just spmething to think about anyway

I mean yes buying a house is a very good idea but I dknt think it needs to be the bloody minded obsession many think it is today, at least not in your 20s. The owning a house goal shouldn't come at the expense of just living a normal life you know?

Have you mentioned it to them when they keep saying it will be a family Christmas that it won't? It also seems a weird phrase to say, are you sure your negativity isn't latching on to you hearing this.
Either way if your parents stayed here and didn't visit your brother and were still saying a family Christmas I doubt you would be upset.

You sound like you are prioritising a house which is fine, but you can't take this out on your brother or parents.

You can still have a Christmas tree and there is nothing to stop you hosting an early/late Christmas with your parents or even with your friends.