AIBU to resent my husband’s weight loss and his mum’s comments?

[Pipiscoming2023]

My DH started taking Mounjaro a few months ago and has lot 3 stone since then. He’s back to the weight he was in our 20s/when we got married.

I categorically don’t want to take medication to lose weight and work hard at the gym (at least 3x per week) and eat well. I’m strong but still a size 18, it’s slow progress but I’m okay with that.

Anyway, his mum is obsessed with our weight (I know it’s a her problem but I still find it hard to deal with the constant comments). So she’s has been heaping praise on her wonderful son for losing so much weight and asking me how often I go to the gym etc… clearly with the undertone of “why aren’t you losing the same?”

He doesn’t want to tell her he’s on the jabs. Fine, that’s down to him. But I’m starting to resent him for eating what he wants, not going to the gym and losing all this weight (and being praised incessantly for it) whereas I’m working hard and trying to make myself strong and healthy, and feel like I’m being judged and made to feel terrible.

I’m really surprised to see such harsh advice from you. I usually think you’re one of the most sensible posters on here. But it’s a rotten thing to suggest deliberately telling someone something their own partner has asked to be kept secret, just because OP can’t tell MIL to get stuffed and mind her own business.

OP hasn't said anything to suggest he's actually lying. He might be, but all we've heard so far is that MIL keeps praising him for weight loss then asking OP about the gym. It's a huge leap to presume from this that he's making a deliberate inference to his mother. It's all coming from her.

Personally I'm extremely open about WLI usage, but it is actually a 100% legit choice not to share private medical information. There's no duty of disclosure, nor any entitlement to be told. He absolutely needs to push back on MIL constantly talking about weight, for their kids sake if nothing else, but her being off on one isn't him lying.

I can see what she ment it's usually the neck it sort of sags and I think unless you eating better and exercising it goes on twice as fast and severely obese people have an apron of saggy skin which will not be taken off by nhs .unless extreme circumstances. These jags are not a wonder drug .they can attack gallbladder an pancreas. To hell with that x

When I put on 2 or 3 stone when I hit 40, no amount of my good diet or exercise would shift it.

I simply put up with it, while still working out/eating well, until 2024 when I started Orlistat, and it managed to kick start the weight loss for me that absolutely nothing else could.

I'm curious re "he eats what he wants". That's not how weight loss medication works. If I eat too much fat, my God do I know about it.

I wouldn't worry about it. You have the satisfaction of knowing you're doing it the healthy way and will benefit in the long run.

OP - why do you resent him for supposedly “eating what he wants”? You obviously ate what you wanted over a period of time to get to a size 18, so are you just resentful that he gets to do that now?

What you're probably feeling is threatened as she is misunderstanding you. You are getting healthy in a healthy way, but she thinks you should be able to get the results your husband is getting, without knowing he is doing it in an unhealthy way. He also is preventing you from standing up for yourself and telling her why she is mistaken, which must be very frustrating. Perhaps if you have someone to cheer you on and to tell everything to it would relieve your feelings. She wounds very difficult.

Op you will be slimmer than dh by the time he comes off the jabs and gains it back again. Plus healthier!

I agree with this, yours is the better approach op. People often don't realise how important exercise is, especially strength training.

I wouldn't tell her about Dh's WLI, but next time she makes a comment at you, just say "I'm losing weight the natural way, not like many others" with a coy smile.
That way, it might plant the seed in her mind and she can ask her son herself.

Why do so many posters think he'll be coming off the jabs? OP has said nothing to suggest that. If he stays on long term, as many people plan to, it is actually possible that he will continue to lose and then maintain by eating smaller quantities of crap. I'm not saying this is a good idea, but it's one of the potential outcomes here, and OP does need to be aware of and prepared for that. He is BU to give all the rest of the family so much shit, but it's up to him what he feeds himself with.

Yeah I don’t understand this either. Mounjaro enables people to eat what they want and to feel full and satisfied with much smaller portions. Why do you resent this?

There is no reason why he should stop taking a medication which is working for him, so I don’t get the nasty “he will put it all back on” comments.

Obesity is a serious condition. Treating serious health conditions with medication is a perfectly legitimate choice.

I agree that nobody should be pressuring OP into taking WLI if she’s happy with her current size, but being bitter about her DH becoming healthier seems odd.

Your DH should stop sabotaging your efforts by ordering pizzas etc. No one can resist that sort of food.

I don't think there's any science behind your assertion @Dahliadaily. I eat pizza and sometimes even choose it, but I can't tell you how many times I have declined it.

I lost 3 st doing no exercise. A gym is to get you fit

I cannot get over the fact he won’t admit to taking WL injections to his mother.

Call me a petty b*tch but I'd totally "let slip" he's on the jabs. 🤣

I would happily tell her about my DH whilst telling her if she ever mentions your weight again you won’t talk to her! That would shut her up! How dare she!!

@Velvetandleatheryou actually sound ghastly

Really? You can’t get over an adult keeping private information to themselves?

And around someone with an obviously dreadful food relationship that he'll have had to navigate around for decades?!

Again I'm a shout it from the rooftops type personally, but it's incredibly obvious why he might not want to tell MIL.

If he isn't chasing his eating habits it will all go back on when he stops the jab. I'd tell her he's on the jab to shut her up

Well, the commitment of £150-200 a month is a reason for many to want to come off it at some point. Plus if it's that effective for him he might get to a point where he struggles to get a prescription, there are providers who will provide maintenance doses but you still have to be above a certain BMI.
Suggesting he'll put it back on isn't a nasty comment, it's factual. If he's relying 100% on appetite supression without doing any work himself, he won't have any skills to manage his weight either if he comes off it or if he finds the effectiveness reduces over time (which it does for some, not all)

Tell him to tell his mum to lay off you or you will tell her how he’s losing the weight .

Nobody is saying many people don't want to come off it at some point, they're saying OP has given zero indication that DH does. You presumably also know that lots of people do want to stay on it forever and do maintain successfully at a healthy BMI qualifying for maintenance, so by that standard it's just as factual to say he's not going to put it back on because he's going to stay on it.

People appear to think they're being helpful with all the putting it back on comments, but actually it's very possible that he will stay on forever and continue eating lesser quantities of the same crap. Unless OP tells us otherwise, we have to assume it's one of the things she needs to prepare herself for. This is why she'd do well to decouple her attitudes to her own weight and health from his WLI usage.

YANBU and she's a bitch, but it's not just the drugs making the difference. As perimenopausal women we are evolutionarily predisposed to store plenty of fat so that we survive the winter and keep the wisdom and knowledge of the tribe going from year to year, so it's incredibly difficult to persuade our bodied to give up what has been stored. I wouldn't be so mean as to suggest that if MIL is skinny it must be because she's evolutionarily unsuitable for preserving wisdom and knowledge through times of famine but it may help you to tolerate her jibes if you think of her that way. Men always lose fat way easier than women with way less effort than women need, even without medical support - from an evolutionary point of view we really don't need them all to survive through periods of famine and it's better for their metabolism to keep going on energy-burning mode rather than energy-storage mode