AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding? Part 2.

[princesspicker]

Old thread nearly full. Some of you are saying if people had seen the dress straight away the votes would be 99% against me, let’s see about that. At least half the other thread say it’s fine to wear this dress.

From the old thread:

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding.

The dress: https://www.hobbs.com/product/carly-floral-dress/0126-5675-9022L00-CREAM-MULTI.html

BD’s gf (bride) saw a dress that is similar to my dress. She saw it at my mum’s. It has a pattern but with short sleeves and some ruffle. It is one of my dresses and I had left it at my mums house. It is not the dress I’ll wear for the wedding.

She called that dress white even though it has a pattern. She told mum that it would be inappropriate to wear for the wedding day. Mum and I think she pretended to think it was one of my mum’s options, since it was clearly not something mum would wear anywhere.

This all happened because my mum was showing her all the dress options she had in mind for herself for the wedding.

When bride raised this with mum, mum told her not to worry because she (mum) won’t wear white.

Which is true regardless of if you say the dress is white or cream or whatever.

After this happened, my brother started asking everyone what they would be wearing.

Old thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546975-aibu-to-wear-a-floral-dress-my-brothers-girlfriend-calls-white-to-their-wedding

TWO whole threads?!?!

im sure plenty of folk have already said that exact Carly dress is available in multiple colour options. You might even get a bargain on Vinted as it’s been one of Hobbs staples for YEARS! I liked the green version….

The OP sounds v determined to get her own way on this tho. What a shame 😳

A few posters have suggested OP wear a pink hat to downplay the white cream in the dress and ensure the OP doesn't distract attention from the Bride.

@Mumtobabyhavoc 😂

And a few people have said large flowers ensure OP won't be mistaken for the bride.

I have read everything, I commented on the first first thread too. I'm just sticking to the topic of the dress, which is what its about and there is nothing wrong with the dress and people are being awful. I am allowed to have my own opinion, which can differ from yours.

Said my bit and sick of being accused of being the OP's mother or the OP under another username. Its ridiculous.

I think it's too white, and very nice to wear AS a wedding dress (I've seen at least one PP here has said she wore it as her wedding dress). It's a beautiful dress, but I'd describe it as white.

In this case the OP makes the bride look bridezilla, but it's probably not fair.

This marriage is international and will be celebrated at the bride's country. This simple fact (which the OP didn't mention for one and half thread) makes majority of the OP's issues even more weird and artificial.

Yes, she asked the brother's family to not wear largely white (which implicitly includes cream, and ivory) dresses because she/her surrounding would consider it rude. That's all.
The social media aspect isn't confirmed here, nor fairy tale or castles. And, international weddings often have a bit more guests, because they double as family get together when there are not that many chances to meet with everyone.

Well OP, it's been a pleasure. I hope the bride and groom have a fabulous day ❤️

I think you’re over inflating your own importance on these threads to be honest. ‘Are you the mum?’ is just a throwaway comment. No one really cares.
Obviously the situation is about more than just the dress, that’s why people are commenting on more than just the dress.

First thread summary:

"all of this happened because my mum was showing her all the dress options she had in mind for herself for the wedding."
"After this happened, my brother started asking everyone what they would be wearing. Clearly she’s made him do that because she’s insecure or something."
*
"No, I don’t live with my mum. I live independently with my DD"
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"I called it off (her own wedding)shortly before the wedding."
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Re the mum:
"they won’t let her have a role in the wedding and are trying to keep things from her even though she’s enabling them to have a wedding event"

"It is mums wedding event to celebrate her son’s marriage. If they had paid for everything it would have been their own wedding event to celebrate their marriage. Mum agrees so it doesn’t really matter what you think about this"
*
"I’ve never ever said the dress is white. I’ve said THEY think the dress is white. THEY are wrong"
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"They haven’t asked ME not to wear the similar dress. They told mum it would be inappropriate to wear white when they saw it at my parents house.
Mum said SHE won’t wear white. Problem solved.
Ridiculous to think my mum would’ve worn the other dress anyway since it’s clearly not for a 70 year old lady. It’s like they were cowardly trying to pass the message to me through my mum."
*
"As I keep saying, my mum has paid for a lot of things. So in some ways it is my mums wedding"
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"Mum has helped them pay for things so I think it’s weird they’re making demands of us about what to wear"
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"Full disclosure, didn’t want to share this as it is outing but since people are screaming reverse I should clarify: his gif ~the bride~ didn’t have the balls to tell me in person she told my mum that white at the wedding would be inappropriate. Then mum told me."
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"I think it’s so rude that they’re trying to police what I wear, especially when they know I had to call off my wedding last year and he’s my brother so I should get to wear something special to his wedding!"
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with her insistence on no white for guests. It's not something that people in the UK bother about much.

It really is. Have you been to many weddings in the last 8 - 10 years ?

Also, maybe I'm wrong, but when people from the UK get engaged/ set up home together/ get serious, there is usually a meeting between the two families.

I think that is very individual to circumstances. It certainly isn't 'expected' or traditional.

They always exchanged Christmas cards and the two mums used to phone each other up. The two dads were in frequent contact too.

That is nice that happened for you, but it isn't something that has happened in any of my family's marriages - not my parents, not me nor my siblings, not my dc or my nieces and nephews.

Agree with the above - none of this rings true for any of the marriages in our families, even extended. Lovely it happened that way for you, though @HarshbutTrue2!

And every wedding I’ve ever been to has been no white/cream/champagne style colours for anyone outside the bride. Sheesh, the nightmare trying to get my mum not to wear the long, draped cream shawl she wanted to wear to my brother’s wedding because it 100% looked like it should go over a wedding dress, was a nightmare!

So, think maybe there were a few generalisations!

I have read all of OPs posts and have yet to find one where she doesn't sound like a b*#^h. Personal favourite was the one where the bride isn't related to her so isn't a priority - at her own wedding!
By the way OP, I wouldn't be too sure about them wanting their children to spend time with their cousins - wouldn't want my kids near you or yours

I wouldn’t be surprised if the couple go no contact with you and possibly your mum too. You obviously hate the bride and won’t respect her boundary of not wearing a dress that’s mainly white. You won’t respect boundaries when it comes to the couple having a child (if they choose to have one).

Let’s not feed the trolls guys

Summary this thread:

"Why be an entitled brat bride and police the family you are marrying into when they’ve enabled your wedding in the first place?"
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"The bride is so self centred she doesn’t have any bridesmaids or flower girls."

"She could at least have involved the children in the family."
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(the mum)
"I’m sure she will tell people she paid, nothing wrong with that. She’ll be paying to feed everybody there and for drinks"
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"You and others are singling out my mum as the problem when none of this would be an issue if they involved the family more."🤔
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"I don’t want people to turn up wearing white or floral dresses with cream backgrounds I would say that on the invite. Simple."
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(Not wanting to upset dd by changing dresses)
"She is 4. She won’t understand it if I said that it’s ridiculous that you want me to upset my DD in case a grown woman has a hissy fit about a dress!!"

"Because now I’ve shown my DD and she loves it on me. She said I look like a princess. If I change it I would have to explain to her that mummy won’t wear the princess dress and it will upset her."
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"She’s not just a bridezilla she’s a personzilla."
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"She stops him from visiting us, my brother very much would like to spend more time with his niece. Mum now has to ask her for availability and can’t just ask him when I need them to help with childcare."
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"And that it’s normal and common for women in our family to wear white to a wedding"
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"They decided to inconvenience everybody by having a destination wedding so I’ll have to travel with my DD to get there. The least they can do is make sure I have a good time."
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"But she is a control freak so forced him (the brother) to send out a message about. (About dresses).
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"No, it’s obviously not my wedding. No dress I wear would make people think that. But I should be able to have a good time with my DD and she likes this dress."
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"I’m not going to miss the wedding. I’m the sister of the groom. It will be my DDs first wedding. She is really excited about my dress and said I look like a princess."
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"Isn’t it a bit immature to fall out because of a nice dress that a guest wears? A guest that is part of the groom’s family. We don’t spend much time together as it is as they don’t make the effort."
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"They have said the dress code is formal. I’ve bought a formal dress."
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"They did not ask me not to wear it. They told my mum white would be inappropriate at the wedding. That’s not the same thing. My mum won’t be wearing white so they’ll get what they asked for."
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"I’ve not made this up. And I don’t know what the fuss is about. As many have said, the rules are about not wearing floor length gowns. These rules about white are totally made up and not even supported by industry standards. It is very common for women in my family to wear white to weddings. Keeping in mind my dress is FLORAL with a cream background. So not white. I think everybody is overreacting.
Glad the poll shows lots of people agree with me now that they have seen the dress from the start. Clearly it was my mistake to not share it straight away when I started the other thread."
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"Mum bought them for him more than a decade ago. He was meant to wear them as his “something old”. Mum said she suggested that and he seemed to agree. Somehow bridezilla convinced him to waste money on a new pair.
You don’t need to buy new things all the time. New money class people buy new things at every opportunity to show off. Old money people recycle their outfits. Just look at the royal family. They’re constantly recycling their outfits. Especially Kate."
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"Why is everyone defending the spoiled brat bride?"
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"Since some people are saying it’s white despite the link to the dress saying cream. I would call it floral. She is marrying into our family and this is how we do it in our family"
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"she is just a control freak."
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"And I said earlier, I bought this WITH mum who goes to very important events all the time and knows about dress codes and she agrees that the bride is just being a control freak"
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Re a suggestion to show the dress to the bride-to-be in person: "I’ve never visited her before"

"I see them when I visit my parents as they live close but I don’t go to their house no. Why should I? We meet at my parents house"
*

A lot of the other comments from OP are about her daughter and childcare which aren't relevant, I think.

It does seem clear OP resents her SiL to be, but also that in her experience white dresses are not off limits for a wedding as long as you look nice. That is a valid point of view all else aside. It seems OP just cannot bend because of her dislike for the SiL to be and because OP might want to be noticed a bit too much and stick it to the bride a bit. She might like making her squirm a bit as well. Just sone thoughts. 🤔

I went to a wedding where the grooms mother wore cream/ivory suit. I thought it an unusual choice but she looked lovely. No one batted an eyelid.
I also went to a wedding where the brides mother wore green velvet. Unfortunately, she looked more stunning than the bride. Bride wasn't bothered

You use ‘family’ to refer to blood family in most ways, but then you said she didn’t make family part of the wedding, referring to your daughter. Maybe she also thinks of blood family as the people she wants there with her?

My male friend had ‘Grooms girls’ for his daughters to be part of his side of the wedding party, so your brother could have chosen them.

Oooh it’s DD’s Flower Girl Frock Reveal Eve!

See you all tomorrow for Thread 3, PPs, Princesses, and Personzillas alike.

Fair play to the OP who has filled 2 full threads on the premise of the suitability of a bog standard dress, when it’s actually all about her dislike of the bride and wanting to get one over on her, mixed with a bit of resentment that she didn’t get her own special day and the problem with her overbearing mother 😂

No thread 3 though! Please!

PLEASE!

PLEASE!!!!!