AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding? Part 2.

[princesspicker]

Old thread nearly full. Some of you are saying if people had seen the dress straight away the votes would be 99% against me, let’s see about that. At least half the other thread say it’s fine to wear this dress.

From the old thread:

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding.

The dress: https://www.hobbs.com/product/carly-floral-dress/0126-5675-9022L00-CREAM-MULTI.html

BD’s gf (bride) saw a dress that is similar to my dress. She saw it at my mum’s. It has a pattern but with short sleeves and some ruffle. It is one of my dresses and I had left it at my mums house. It is not the dress I’ll wear for the wedding.

She called that dress white even though it has a pattern. She told mum that it would be inappropriate to wear for the wedding day. Mum and I think she pretended to think it was one of my mum’s options, since it was clearly not something mum would wear anywhere.

This all happened because my mum was showing her all the dress options she had in mind for herself for the wedding.

When bride raised this with mum, mum told her not to worry because she (mum) won’t wear white.

Which is true regardless of if you say the dress is white or cream or whatever.

After this happened, my brother started asking everyone what they would be wearing.

Old thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546975-aibu-to-wear-a-floral-dress-my-brothers-girlfriend-calls-white-to-their-wedding

Which is why it's so obvious that this is just rage bait. OP has jumped the shark a few times now.

i actually don’t think the OP is the ‘main character’ here, it’s her mum. She’s one of those ‘matriarch’ types who thinks the whole family should bend to her will, despite the OP admitting that she’s not actually close to most of her children. In turn, as the OP is ‘golden child’ (because she does bend to her mother’s will, and she encourages her in her behaviour), she has also got the OP thinking that she deserves special treatment too. I suspect the OP hasn’t got many close friends, so she doesn’t want to lose the ‘friendship’ of her mother and so will play the golden child role to keep that special relationship.
Ultimately, the only losers in this scenario will be the OP and her mother, as the other siblings will gradually cut contact and they’ll be left with their own bitterness and feelings of superiority.
I’m really interested to hear that the OP’s dad makes of it all.

We are nearly at the end of this thread.
OP, I hope that you, your family and everyone in the bride's family have a lovely day. Please try to just go along with things. It is honestly the best policy.

We all want to know how the wedding goes and would love to be updated. However, opening another thread at this stage will only cause you further anxiety. Please open the third thread after the wedding.

That poor bride. I hope the brother is worth it to her.

It doesn’t matter what you or anyone else thinks - even if everyone thinks it’s fine the bottom line is the BRIDE who is your sister in law isn’t comfortable. There are thousands of dresses out there.

I also think being a guest at a friend or wider family member is different to when it’s your SIL. Thread carefully

OP as it’s coming to the end of the thread (and no one needs another one!) I hope you manage to take a step back and realise that the wedding is essentially about the bride and groom.
I hope you manage to break the apron strings from your mother, develop an independent relationship with your brother and his wife and find yourself some local friends.
Enjoy the wedding!

But all you’ve done on this thread is run down the bride (and her family) so you exactly the “type of guest” their inviting!

I don’t understand this thread at all. You asked if you’d be unreasonable to wear this dress. Most of us think yes but you clearly don’t want our opinion because you’re been to lots of weddings and know how to dress (but the women in your family often wear white to weddings so that’s ok)

NEWSFLASH it’s not ok, it’s crass and classless!

In that case it is not even a destination wedding!!!! It’s a bride getting married at home

And this is exactly what I mean, flights of fantasy because I think you are being mean that makes me the OP or Mum, I AM NOT THE OP AND I DO NOT KNOW THE OP IN ANY CAPACITY EXCEPT THROUGH THIS THREAD. Just like you I am entitled to my opinion.

Just continue on, you are proving my point.

Oh you think bride is a bridzilla as she doesn’t want guests in cream or white

how strange. Most brides would say the same

I find it very weird your dd 4 thinks your dress makes you lot like a princess

it’s just a normal dress with a pale background

but what you could do is the day before the wedding wear the dress at home / just you and dd and play prinecess’s

you have a few weeks to find another dress to wear for the wedding

You said posters are being mean to the OP. Aside from the dress, what do you think of her comments towards her brother and his fiancée?

Genuine question. Do you think that the OP has been mean about her fsil?
I honestly cannot comprehend how you can defend the obvious entitled attitude of her.

'Without getting anything in return' oh my gosh, how conniving and grasping can you both be?

Of course she made her promise because she is clearly aware of how untrustworthy she is...which has been proven by the fact she has indeed 'spilled the beans'.

My Mum insisted on paying for my wedding dress as she loves my husband and I, she didn't want 'anything in return', just the pleasure of being part of our special day. I'd 100% do the same for my children.

All you and your Mum care about is yourselves and it's very obvious that your poor brother and his wife-to-be have cottoned on to that.

You're going to lose them both (and your 'childcare' with it, which is all you seem to care about) and it will be your own fault.

I hope the bride sees this thread, realises it's you and uses it as evidence to present to your brother of how awfully you treat her and they cut you all off and live a long and peaceful life away from the toxicity you and your Mum have brewed!

After seeing all your replies and the dress your an actual nob you sound childish, entitled and need to grow up I wouldn’t even want you there.

You so want a 3rd thread 😂😂

think the most threads over a post was 5

so got a lot of typing replies yet 😂😂😂

not including the long standing knee like tv or holidays or stately homes etc

If you are going to wear the dress post in style and beauty for some tips on how to stop the glaring white dress not look so white. The problem is the white/cream section is in the centre so the other designs would have been easier to cover.

As it transpires it’s a traditional wedding it may be very religious in another country so you will need to abide by the dress code which will probably mean your hair and arms will need to be covered.

I still think a different dress is the only option. Take this dress whilst away were it to something else.

which country is it? And have you and mum checked all of this?

And I’m still willing the gods for the brides best friend to be on mn and show her. So she knows what she’s up against so if they leave the family permanently she has evidence of why.

for the other posters if you have a potential mother in law or sister in law like this yes you know. you know from every single interaction you have with them. They will do anything to spoil things for you.

Show a little human decency OP, and if the SIL still hasn't actually seen the dress, send her a pic and ask her if she'd be happy for you to wear it. Simples.

Oh, and remember, this is her day, not yours. She is the Princess. You unfortunately appear to be the fool.

Honestly the fact that OP stated 'I'm as British as they come thank you very much' and has all this hatred and snobbery against someone who isn't British...there may be another factor at play here

I don't understand the insistence on saying that it's perfectly fine to wear a dress you know she wouldn't want you to wear. It's a common thing not to wear white dresses to a wedding. You're anonymous here, you've openly admitted you don't like her, why not just say that you're going to wear the dress to upset her because you don't like her.

OP; why haven’t you shown the bride and your brother the actual dress you are planning on wearing?
They can say to your face “please don’t wear it as we don’t want bride to be upstaged” or “oh yes that’s lovely”
Thats what I did with a half white dress I wore to a wedding once.

To think we have had two really long threads and all OP needs to do is send her future SIL a picture 😂.

Utterly bizarre.

Pretty floral and cream NOT white or bridai - bridezilla sounds very insecure to me -good luck to your brother!

It is very normal for brides to get married at home, I think it's traditional in the majority of places. A destination wedding is more when it's an island etc which neither bride nor groom is from.

It's also normal for siblings to visit each other's houses every so often to maintain relationships.

It's not normal to broadcast who paid for the wedding (although the bride and groom would thank them in the speeches usually). My parents paid for half my wedding and would no more have gone around telling all the guests than they would have flown to the moon.

I think the bride being from another culture could easily alter things in terms of guest dresses. I agree they could have put no white or partially white dresses in the invitation, but if she's from a country where this is the norm she might have thought it went without saying.

It's a really nice idea from PP to take your mum and DD for an afternoon tea or something wearing your original dresses - but there will be other dresses where DD thinks you look like a princess- I'd personally not let your principles get the better of you, suck it up, send a message with your outfit to your brother and buy a new dress if he deems it necessary. The groom's family would be under a bit more attention dresswise, so it would be considerate to bride and groom to get it within cultural norms.

And lastly enjoy the wedding! Try not to get too preoccupied on the day with little things that annoy you. Enjoy being in another country, meeting new people etc.

I've been to 2 weddings abroad (in the brides' home countries) and both times I sent the bride a photo of the dress I planned to wear to make sure I wasn't breaking any rules I didn't know (not just colour but things like bare arms could be a problem).

You are going to a wedding in a country where you don't know the customs and unspoken rules. So ask the person who does know!

I know that question wasn't aimed at me, but I'm going to answer anyway - in my view it's a bit spoilt/brattish to insist that no female guests are allowed to wear anything pale. It often costs a lot to attend a wedding and my view is that the happy couple should be glad to have their friends and family around them, not bitching about their clothes. Short of wearing anything that resembles an actual wedding dress, I think it's selfish to place this kind of stipulation of guests, but I know I'm in the minority on MN.

OP, personally I think it's a lovely dress and fine for a wedding. [edit - pressed send too soon] Unfortunately as the bride has asked for it not to be worn you probably do need to comply with her wishes, but I think she's being unreasonable personally.