AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding? Part 2.

[princesspicker]

Old thread nearly full. Some of you are saying if people had seen the dress straight away the votes would be 99% against me, let’s see about that. At least half the other thread say it’s fine to wear this dress.

From the old thread:

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding.

The dress: https://www.hobbs.com/product/carly-floral-dress/0126-5675-9022L00-CREAM-MULTI.html

BD’s gf (bride) saw a dress that is similar to my dress. She saw it at my mum’s. It has a pattern but with short sleeves and some ruffle. It is one of my dresses and I had left it at my mums house. It is not the dress I’ll wear for the wedding.

She called that dress white even though it has a pattern. She told mum that it would be inappropriate to wear for the wedding day. Mum and I think she pretended to think it was one of my mum’s options, since it was clearly not something mum would wear anywhere.

This all happened because my mum was showing her all the dress options she had in mind for herself for the wedding.

When bride raised this with mum, mum told her not to worry because she (mum) won’t wear white.

Which is true regardless of if you say the dress is white or cream or whatever.

After this happened, my brother started asking everyone what they would be wearing.

Old thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546975-aibu-to-wear-a-floral-dress-my-brothers-girlfriend-calls-white-to-their-wedding

You’re right that she is from another culture. That’s why we’re all having to travel to her wedding.

It’s nothing like a wedding dress though obviously you can wear what you like to get married. It’s not white either, it’s covered in a floral design. I feel like I’ve fallen into an alternative universe with people thinking this is taking away from the bride.

I can’t believe this is still going on. Just show her the bloody dress fgs.

I mean it is pretty but it is white. It doesn't matter what mn think. Bride says no.

And there you have it folks - she’s from another culture and that’s is what is at the bottom of this.

I think the poster is real.

I think a lot of this conflict comes from her mum. Her mum doesn't like the future bride. Everyone in the family has picked up on the vibes. Mum is a matriarch. Now her little boy is getting married and she doesn't like it.

I have known lots of family conflicts over weddings. Usually over stupid things. It's usually mother of the bride who gets in a total tizzy and causes iissues. I've never known anything quite like this.

In the UK, it is usually the mother of the bride who helps to organise stuff. MoB or best friends, or both, attend the dress fitting and organise the reception (now called a wedding event, a new one on me).

OP mum appears to have taken over the role of mother of the bride, is paying for the reception. It's even mum who started the white/cream dress drama. Furthermore, mum criticised the brides dress!!
The grooms mother isn't supposed to see the dress before the wedding, let alone supervise the fitting and say it's OTT.

If we're going to get into psychology we need to turn to Freud and Jung. They would have a lot to say about this situation.

Its hardly a white dress if its got red flowers all over it. Wear a short red jacket and buy a massive red hat and red shoes. No one will notice. Bride acting like a prima donna IMO

Phew. Nearly 2,000 posts and we finally got there.
Mum doesn't think the bride is 'good enough ' for her little boy.

My comments regarding Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung still stand.

I think you’re being unfair to my mum. She went with her to to fitting because she doesn’t really have friends that can go with her and her mum is not in the country so mum stepped up and helped. She didn’t need to do that. She even paid for the alterations!!

It’s a lovely dress and perfectly suitable for any wedding I have ever gone to.
I can’t see the problem.
I’m in Ireland though, perhaps UK weddings are different ?

@HarshbutTrue2 I’m glad you spotted that too. And I agree with your comments about Jung and Freud, although it’ll probably just go over OP’s head.

Can people please stop trying to psychoanalyse me? I think it’s out of order none of you are qualified MH professionals. I’ve had my fair share of MH issues too so it’s actually really mean.

@ princesspicker. I’m not trying to psychoanalyse you, but you are being combative to posters who don’t agree with you. If you don’t like it don’t post. You really are digging a hole for yourself here

Ok I don’t think I’m being very combative but people are calling me a troll, sometimes just for not replying to every single comment. Someone put the thread into AI to give me a diagnosis.

@princesspicker You are not taking on board what people are saying. I agree that putting it in AI was a bit OTT, but you seem to struggle to look at any other viewpoint apart from yours and your mum’s.
Please be honest with yourself and admit you don’t like your future SIL. I get it, I can’t stand my dd’s partner, but I would suck it up for her wedding. Your comments about “blood family” is bound to put peoples backs up, so why don’t you just show her your dress and ask her what she thinks. Be the bigger person here.

Unless the bride has asked it not be worn...
the thread is less about the dress than it is OP's attitude toward her.

If people want to read ChatGPT shite, they can generate it themselves. Honestly it’s become so utterly grating having to scroll through fucking AI regurgitations on here. Can people stop pasting this crap?

ETA apologies, I was under the assumption that the quote would be collapsed by default but it isn’t currently. I went to edit it out but I can’t.

The OPs earlier avoidance to answer the question was super telling too, when she also added that she’s as English as they come don’t you know!!!

It's ok OP.
We are finally getting a better picture of what's going on.
Your mother is extremely close to her kids. We now understand why she has taken over the role of mother of the bride.

I'm guessing that the bride is eastern European, or European. Thus has more traditional views about wedding etiquette. Her choice of wedding dress may be more traditional in her country. Yet, considered OTT in the UK. It's just personal choice. We are all different.

Organising a wedding abroad creates an extra layer of stress. The dress is only a small part of the picture but it's got overblown.

You have had a lot of stress in your life and are over anxious about the bloody dress. For some reason, you are unable to take control of the situation. I'm guessing mum has been good support during difficult times. You may have become very reliant on her.

Please visit your GP and arrange some counselling.

Mum is close with me but not really the rest of my siblings. But that’s just because she worked away a lot to provide for the family.

Edit: I think I can live without suggestions I see therapists or doctors. Even if you don’t mean it in a mean way it’s kind of out of order.

Hahaha to not being combative!

OP, 70% of people have told you don't bother wearing this particular dress. But it's obvious you will.

It's not about the dress, it's about having no consideration for your brother as a valid human being in your family, other than as facilitator to you/your Mum.

He's lived with his fiancée for 10 years and you went there ONCE?!? You don't bother to see him other than at your mother's house. Even before you became a single parent (that's 6 years of never bothering to pop round to see your brother in his own home round the corner from your parents 😳).

He's there to be on call for childcare for your DD but you don't ever stop by to say hi at his place?

The world must be a rare & precious place when it revolves singularly around you.

FYI, the 'custom' around not wearing white to someone else's wedding is largely because of how much it draws the eye in photos. On the day it might not draw much comment (plenty of thoughts I suspect, but people generally try to avoid drama at weddings!). But in the photos, anyone obviously wearing a dress with a lot of white-adjacent ground colour will draw the eye - which inevitably detracts from the bride, who is ALWAYS alongside the groom at the centre of every formal photo of their own wedding, understandably.

It's not even a metaphor, it is a literally correct description of what you are hoping to achieve - you want to unbalance the focus of the day when everyone looks at the family as a whole away from the bride and your brother. You want to draw attention in your direction and have people comment on your choices for the day after the event. You want to be memorable on your brother's wedding day, even if it's for all the wrong reasons.

You have been told this dress will achieve of all that and you intend to wear it.

Any reasonable person wouldn't, but you will carry on anyway.

Good luck to your brother and his wife-to-be OP

What is it you want in this situation?
is it just to wear your chosen dress?
if that’s the case, it would be worth reflecting why this has taken on such huge dimensions.
if something else is your objective, what is it and is this the best way to achieve it?

To be fair, you weren't called that. But, it is true that many people have questioned the authenticity of your thread. You don't seem willing, or able, to acknowledge any alternate view from your own. You argued the dress isn't white because the dress description says it is cream, fgs. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
You've asserted that you deserve to feel special at your brother's wedding because your own wedding was called off.
Your posts are as baffling as they are bizarre.
I think it isn't unusual, for these reasons alone, for people to wonder if you are for real, or making it all up for a laugh. And it isn't difficult to understand why someone would use AI to help them assess that.

I honestly can’t understand why you’ve opened two posts, and spend god knows how much time writing hundreds of replies about something you had already made up your mind about.

And of course nobody understands your life, nobody knows you! But you’re not exactly coming across in the best light.

@Mumtobabyhavocwhy would the bride not want that lovely dress to be worn at her wedding.
It’s nothing like any wedding dress I have ever seen a bride in.
Granted I have only been to weddings where the bride wore a full length all white dress.
And the gay weddings I have been to were guys. Who wore suits.