AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding? Part 2.

[princesspicker]

Old thread nearly full. Some of you are saying if people had seen the dress straight away the votes would be 99% against me, let’s see about that. At least half the other thread say it’s fine to wear this dress.

From the old thread:

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding.

The dress: https://www.hobbs.com/product/carly-floral-dress/0126-5675-9022L00-CREAM-MULTI.html

BD’s gf (bride) saw a dress that is similar to my dress. She saw it at my mum’s. It has a pattern but with short sleeves and some ruffle. It is one of my dresses and I had left it at my mums house. It is not the dress I’ll wear for the wedding.

She called that dress white even though it has a pattern. She told mum that it would be inappropriate to wear for the wedding day. Mum and I think she pretended to think it was one of my mum’s options, since it was clearly not something mum would wear anywhere.

This all happened because my mum was showing her all the dress options she had in mind for herself for the wedding.

When bride raised this with mum, mum told her not to worry because she (mum) won’t wear white.

Which is true regardless of if you say the dress is white or cream or whatever.

After this happened, my brother started asking everyone what they would be wearing.

Old thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546975-aibu-to-wear-a-floral-dress-my-brothers-girlfriend-calls-white-to-their-wedding

It doesn’t matter what you or anyone else thinks - even if everyone thinks it’s fine and you’re comfortable, the bottom line is the BRIDE isn’t comfortable. There are thousands of dresses out there.

Also you have the added consideration of the bride being your SIL. Long term relations are key here and should be protected.

Hardly! Both the OP and her mother think it’s socially appropriate to discuss who paid for what with GUESTS AT A WEDDING! That is the least middle-class thing I’ve ever heard!

Op are you ok? Honestly give your head a wobble “the least they can do is make sure I have a good time” how spoilt and entitled have you been your whole life to think your happiness is their responsibility?

Does the bride know what a toxic family she is marrying into? I hope your brother is partner of the year because she’s going to have a rough life with you as a SIL and by the sounds of it your mum isn’t going to be a nice MIL to have either, I really feel for this bride

just stop being so childish and wear another dress, this isn’t about you (if you can comprehend that at all)

Having read some of the comments on this thread I now know why I hate the whole ghastly, overblown business of weddings with 'unwritten rules', dress codes, bitchiness and family feuds, bridezillas and tasteless 'fairy tale' weddings in assorted Country Houses/castles etc.
The fixation on 'what the Bride wants, she gets', the obsession with getting Instagrammable/SM photos, coupled with families on both sides' expectations and ludicrous amounts of money being spent on what essentially should be a simple process of a couple formalising their relationship means that for many of us a Wedding Invitation is greeted with a groan rather than genuine pleasure.
The best weddings I've ever attended have been intimate, quirky and not even the slightest bit bothered about who wore what, or with the business of posting predictably boring photos on SM.
Glad I got that off my chest lol!!

You really need to read the OP's comments on both threads. 🤔

She told us she ditched him because he was talking about her family behind their back. Much like she is doing with her soon to be SIL. Perhaps try reading the full thread - both of them.

I have. I stand by my comments on here.

Oh so what? She's getting married, shes not the second coming. Imagine if grooms had a hissy fit over other men wearing the same colour as he is? It's all pathetic in my opinion, the focus of the day is meant to be about marrying the person you love and want to join lives with, not policing your guests. I had a woman turn up to my wedding wearing the same shoes as me, she was mortified, I couldnt have cared less, because how does it impact anything? What a stupid thing to focus on.

The wedding is literally to celebrate their marriage. Not quite the second coming but the whole point of the celebration.

And your guests, who are there to help you celebrate, need to be policed because otherwise it somehow makes your vows less valid?

Look I get Im in the minority here and most people will disagree with me, and that's ok, I just find it all utterly ridiculous and shallow.

If they are determined to wear white/cream so they feel special after their own wedding didn't go ahead...yeah they need policing so the celebration stays on focus.
The celebration is separate from the validity of the vows, they only need 2 witnesses for that.

To feel special?! OK I'm not referring to the OP, this is more a general comment, but why would you assume someone would wear this dress to feel special? And no one is going to confuse the woman sitting 2 rows back with the woman stood at the front giving her vows. Presumably most people you invite to a wedding, already know you anyway.
Also if people so easily get confused over who the bride is, why is the same not said for the groom?

I think that poster was referring to the OP though. No, the vast majority of people aren’t wearing a light coloured dress to feel special. I personally couldn’t have cared less what people wore to my wedding. The point the PP was making is that the OP has said that she wants to wear that dress because she wants to feel special, because her own wedding didn’t go ahead.

Well I am referring to the OP, not assuming anything. That is what she said in her original post on her original thread. That, because her wedding was called off last year, she should get to wear this dress to feel special.

In general I don't think people need to police others clothing, there is a reason (or two) the groom feels a need to police his sisters.

In my experience the upper class and working class would never discuss money. I think the middle class love everyone to know they have money even if they don't.

Well my original comment was very clearly a general comment, and you replied to it, so you know I wasn't referring to the OP specifically.

"Oh so what? She's getting married, shes not the second coming" was a general comment? That wasn't clear to me.

You're being deliberately obtuse here, with this false 'oh, I just don't understand what's going on, I just want to be happy for the newly-weds' shtick.

There is a convention and a tradition here about weddings (which couples marrying are quite welcome to ignore if they want to, and no-one will give a toss - plenty of couples do). For may people - and for young brides in particular - the wedding day is a big deal. They want to get married in a big white dress, often in a church, and manage the venue, the ceremony, the photos, the reception so that they get their 'dream wedding'.

It is the convention for the guests to buy into that dream: the bride is centre of attention, there may be a dress code, and everyone conspires to make her wedding the one of her dreams. If someone is invited to such a wedding (and this is one of them), they are perfectly at liberty to decline the invitation and mark their affection for the couple in some other way at some other time.

However, it is a dick move to accept an invitation and then ignore the convention in a way that buggers up the bride's dream. If you weren't aware of the convention, and turned up in your bikini, full of goodwill but unaware that it was infra-dig, nobody would mind particularly. But to flout convention deliberately, in the knowledge that it will upset the bride, is, as I say a dick move. It's not about outrage and the choice of the wrong shoes/dress. It's about deliberately trying to piss off the bride (and groom, and the other guests who are buying into the tradition)

As you know very well

You don’t sound like a well woman OP. It’s the bride and groom’s day, stop
sniping

Not so classy now are you OP. I can’t imagine the Royal Family who you’ve mentioned several times would be impressed by this language, tut-tut. You’re clearly very unwell and need to seek some psychological help. I’m not sure who I feel more sorry for your brother, future SIL or your daughter because you are an absolute nightmare.

That’s interesting, I would consider my family to be fairly solidly middle class, not much money these days but in the recent past; boarding schools, officers in the army, mostly oxbridge etc.

I was definitely brought up not to talk about money. Almost pathologically so! Horribly vulgar apparently…

Having said that my husband’s family are working class and they don’t really talk about money either. They both gave us money towards our (very modest) wedding and neither of them would have dreamt of talking to our guests about it.

Maybe it’s nothing to do with class. Or maybe I’m more working class than I thought! (Definitely not upper class 🤣🤣)

I think you're right. It's nothing to do with class and the OP and her mum are from a different planet 🤣

I see why you would think that. But I don’t think this is racism. I think it’s good old fashioned Jealousy

the op is single, has no friends, onky acquaintances, and is overly enmeshed with her mother who I suspect is elderly , because that’s all she has, she has no real relationship with her brother or his fiance and as much as she says she doesn’t, I think she lives with her mum

shes enjoying the attention she’s getting on these threads, she wants attention at the wedding, because it is a rare event she is going to, so a very very big deal for her. she likely has no social life of her own. No group of mates confiding in her, inviting her for nights out, go shopping with, just someone who in real life no one pays attention to

this dress is a big deal to her, she doesn’t often dress up or wear nice clothes. Going to this wedding, wearing her dress, is huge to her, it’s a major event in her life and she’s jealous as hell it’s the brides special day and not hers

I’ve recently seen a thing in China where bitter relatives do something called ‘Joy snatching’ where they cross the Brides path just as she enters the venue. It’s meant to give the ‘snatcher’ all the good luck and prosperity meant for the Bride. I always wondered what kind of person would even consider such a nasty and selfish act…..until now.

You’ve just given her an idea 😭