AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding? Part 2.

[princesspicker]

Old thread nearly full. Some of you are saying if people had seen the dress straight away the votes would be 99% against me, let’s see about that. At least half the other thread say it’s fine to wear this dress.

From the old thread:

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding.

The dress: https://www.hobbs.com/product/carly-floral-dress/0126-5675-9022L00-CREAM-MULTI.html

BD’s gf (bride) saw a dress that is similar to my dress. She saw it at my mum’s. It has a pattern but with short sleeves and some ruffle. It is one of my dresses and I had left it at my mums house. It is not the dress I’ll wear for the wedding.

She called that dress white even though it has a pattern. She told mum that it would be inappropriate to wear for the wedding day. Mum and I think she pretended to think it was one of my mum’s options, since it was clearly not something mum would wear anywhere.

This all happened because my mum was showing her all the dress options she had in mind for herself for the wedding.

When bride raised this with mum, mum told her not to worry because she (mum) won’t wear white.

Which is true regardless of if you say the dress is white or cream or whatever.

After this happened, my brother started asking everyone what they would be wearing.

Old thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546975-aibu-to-wear-a-floral-dress-my-brothers-girlfriend-calls-white-to-their-wedding

I said this on the last thread and having finally seen the dress, it’s exactly this.

In photos, the dress is white enough to draw the eye away from the bride. She won’t stand out visually, which is what the rule about only the bride wearing white is supposed to achieve. No one will think the OP is the bride but visually it draws attention, which is a shitty thing to do.

It’s even more shitty when the bride has made it clear she’d be unhappy with the dress and views it as white. It’s not Bridezilla behaviour - it’s someone who has traditional views.

However, further posts by OP make it clear that there’s all kinds of other family dynamics at play here. The OP isn’t interested in keeping the SIL happy and just wants to dig her heels in. She seems to think that her own wedding being cancelled should allow her to have a more central role in her brother’s wedding. Its’s odd and unhealthy and I agree with PP that there’s bigger issues here other than the fact that almost three-quarters of people think it’s unreasonable to wear the dress.

I like the dress, too.
All we know is the bride in this case has seen a similar dress at OP's mum's and asked it not be worn. The mum gave OP the heads up and shit has hit the fan. 🤷‍♀️
FWIW I wouldn't wear it to a wedding. It strikes me as a bride's maid/maid of honour/mother of the bride dress or dress worn by a bride at a low-key wedding or courthouse wedding. The overall colour is too light, imo.

So basically you and your mum are getting yourselves worked up and egging each other on about all the perceived faults of your future sister in law, such as having the temerity to marry in her own country, with her own cultural customs, for being of a lower social class than you, for not involving your daughter in the wedding party etc. Neither of you can just take a step back and say ‘he’s our son/brother and we just want him to be happy’.

I think at this post @princesspicker should just wear the dress. The guests will soon click.

In a photo, that dress will look very white. That means it will stand out in photos and become a visual focal point.

Part of the reasons that only the bride wears white is that in photos, there’s a clear focal point - which is the bride. Someone else wearing white stops the bride being the clear focus in photos - the eye is naturally drawn away. It’s not about it looking like a bridal gown, it’s about drawing attention from the bride.

If OP absolutely can’t bear to wear a different dress then she needs a big jacket in a bold colour - like red eg - that won’t make her compete with the bride visually in photos.

I think most of them are probably already aware!

Agree, except not a bold jacket as that too would take focus away. One should look nice, but not stand out.

And will there be a Part 3????

I really don’t think that dress will come across as white, it’s got a big flowery pattern on it.
With pink or green accessories it will look even less white.

op, gently do you understand the difference between a friend and an acquaintance?

here is an explanation, below. I post it as I wonder if you do actually have any friends? Anyone who meets the definition of a friend below?

An acquaintance is someone you know primarily through circumstance (like work, the gym, or proximity), and your relationship remains mostly situational. A friend, however, is someone you actively choose to connect with. Friendships are defined by mutual trust, emotional vulnerability, and a desire to spend time together outside of shared environments.

Here are the key differences that separate the two:
Context and Contact
Acquaintance: You interact mostly within a single, specific setting. Conversations usually stay on surface-level topics like the weather or work, and you rarely make plans outside of this environment.
Friend: You actively make an effort to connect in your free time. You have access to each other's inner worlds and understand each other’s contexts, strengths, and stressors.
Trust and Vulnerability
Acquaintance: You know basic facts about them, but avoid deep emotional sharing. The relationship requires little emotional risk.
Friend: You share personal struggles, dreams, and fears without fear of judgment. A true friend offers genuine emotional support and has your back during hard times.
Reciprocity and Reliability
Acquaintance: Interactions are often polite, cordial, and surface-level. You generally wouldn't call them in a crisis or ask for major favors like helping you move.
Friend: The relationship is reciprocal. A friend will go out of their way to support you, celebrate your successes without competition, and is someone you can depend on

😂😂😂😂
Take it up with the Bride.

It seems to keep starting threads till the YANBU reaches 100%? God knows. OP keeps referring to how the YANBU % keeps going down..has repeatedly talked about Kate, daughter says she looks like a princess, and likening her mom paying for the wedding to Charles paying for the royal weddings...it's quite a ramble, sprinkled with delusions of grandeur. It's been an interesting read though.

I disagree with most of what the OP is saying but this post is patronising and rude.

Not a hill to die on. I think the dress is fine, but bride has issues with it. Take the moral highground and wear something else. But don't EVER let her dictate to you on anything else in the future. You will have 'backed down' on this one thing because it is her wedding day, it kind of gives you the right hereafter to never take the blindest bit of notice of any of her preferences after the day. There is a lot of power play going on here, let her win the his battle. She will probably feel a bit sheepish about the whole charade once the 'Bridezilla' effect has worn off.

That sounds like a lovely family dynamic!! My sister was also blessed with this. Which I loved and thought was the norm and couldn’t wait to meet my husband’s family. (My sister is a fair bit older so I watched how our families became a larger extension of a family) Don’t get me wrong they would still have different opinions and disagreements but they were emotionally stable to accept everyone is different and just get one with life.

Sadly my bubble was burst about a year into my relationship with my now husband, MIL is a narcissist. She sees all her son’s girlfriends as enemy number one. Played her sons off each other and very sadly now their bonds are broken. See them once a year and everyone is on guard. No one relaxes, no one has fun. My husband does not want to see them anymore (I want to agree with him as it would make my life soooo much easier, but it is so sad to think of him not seeing them). I still hope the relationship between his brothers and us SIL’s could be mended. I have given up trying with his mother she will never change.

YANBU has gone down in both threads! It’s not far off of 50:50 now.

This thread is almost full. People have lots of questions for me about other things now. I don’t completely understand what it has to do with the dress but if people want to know I can answer. The troll accusers are unhelpful and upsetting. I framed OP in the first great vaguely to not share much about myself. Now that I have shared about my life you accuse me of trolling and grandeur at the same time. Absolute nonsense and makes no sense.

Nowhere have I said anything about trolling. And I said what you've written comes across as ramblings with delusions of grandeur. Analysing writing style is different from psychoanalysis. Hope that helps.

A classic case of Main Character Syndrome. You really do like the sound of your own voice, don’t you OP?

Stop being a supercilious bitch, stop manipulating the situation, and stop trying to cast a shadow over the big day because you didn’t get yours. You really do come across as a mean girl.

Why is everyone making massive assumptions about her life, "ditching your husband", do you know that, do you know why she "ditched him", you have no idea.

Why is everyone being so mean when she just asked a question about a dress.

She asked for an opinion, sadly she doesn't have to take the consensus, that is her decision, but why is everyone going for the jugular.

OP, you clearly intend wearing the dress you’ve chosen & have been very defensive/argumentative to anyone who suggests otherwise, so just do it. The constant batting back & forth & then starting ANOTHER thread on the same subject really isn’t doing you any favours. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Oh there will be a Part 3, OP has already suggested it further back in the thread. She loves keeping the drama going. The best thing people could do now is stop replying IMO.

Also OP you need maths classes if you think 72/28 (three to one) is anywhere near 50/50 (one to one).

The poll results are to do with the dress itself though, not your behaviour.
I think the dress is fine, I think your behaviour and your treatment of your SIL to be is extremely unreasonable.
Oh and 72:28 is nowhere near 50:50

But why elevate it and keep that energy going? We don't know that there is power struggle energy coming from the bride to be.
We do know that the OP feels quite incandescent over this: she didn't even have the balls to tell me herself.
And OP has stated she has a right to feel special at this wedding since her own wedding was called off and they know it.

It gives insight, no?

Ok, you’ve jumped the shark there OP.

Not far off 50/50?

It’s 81% unreasonable in one thread and 72% in another. Over three-quarters think you’re unreasonable. Not remotely close to 50/50.

You’re just messing with people now. Well-played.

How is 72% against nearly 50/50? Even if it were 50/50 it would still mean you should not wear it.

73% to 27% is nowhere near 50/50!! 🤣