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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding? Part 2.

1000 replies

princesspicker · 26/06/2026 18:09

Old thread nearly full. Some of you are saying if people had seen the dress straight away the votes would be 99% against me, let’s see about that. At least half the other thread say it’s fine to wear this dress.

From the old thread:

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding.

The dress: https://www.hobbs.com/product/carly-floral-dress/0126-5675-9022L00-CREAM-MULTI.html

BD’s gf (bride) saw a dress that is similar to my dress. She saw it at my mum’s. It has a pattern but with short sleeves and some ruffle. It is one of my dresses and I had left it at my mums house. It is not the dress I’ll wear for the wedding.

She called that dress white even though it has a pattern. She told mum that it would be inappropriate to wear for the wedding day. Mum and I think she pretended to think it was one of my mum’s options, since it was clearly not something mum would wear anywhere.

This all happened because my mum was showing her all the dress options she had in mind for herself for the wedding.

When bride raised this with mum, mum told her not to worry because she (mum) won’t wear white.

Which is true regardless of if you say the dress is white or cream or whatever.

After this happened, my brother started asking everyone what they would be wearing.

Old thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546975-aibu-to-wear-a-floral-dress-my-brothers-girlfriend-calls-white-to-their-wedding

Carly Floral Dress | Hobbs UK |

Shop Carly Floral Dress by HOBBS online - all the latest luxury British fashion along with exclusive online offers. Free UK delivery for all orders over £150.

https://www.hobbs.com/product/carly-floral-dress/0126-5675-9022L00-CREAM-MULTI.html

OP posts:
Thread gallery
19
FourSevenFour · 28/06/2026 00:10

princesspicker · 27/06/2026 23:47

She can help him. Dont get why this is complicated to you?

I'm just fascinated by your (lack of) consistency.
She doesn't count for purposes of you helping her or being polite to her, but she counts for helping you and is an excuse to not help your brother.

I can imagine he might want your help with childcare because he might want to spend some time with her.

Btw, I'm starting to believe you are a real person. The main character syndrome focused around your mum's money and total lack of acceptance that your SIL's ideas about wedding are equally valid and, in this case, more relevant than yours is too much to not be real.

princesspicker · 28/06/2026 00:15

EsmeSusanOgg · 27/06/2026 23:54

I mean, 100s of people think this is a wind up. Because it is palpably ridiculous. Like some sitcom trope of the entitled Hyacinth Bouquet sister (but desperately single... And cannot think why?) it's like you have gone through threads (or asked ChatGPT to do it for you) to come up with the most ludicrous and petty scenario ever.

Because any sane, sensible comments are ignored or you have an excuse for why not. Because most comments you type are filled with bile and bitterness and more than a touch of condescension (whilst also being entirely ignorant of any actual etiquette). Ooo and the weird expectations around family and demanded childcare at the drop of a hat. And comments about class...

It is hard to believe anyone could really be like this? Because it reads like a caricature. Lashing out wildly over what seems to be a relatively trivial request. To send a picture of the dress to your brother.

Hey. Maybe this is real. In which case, perhaps reflect on your behaviour and take some of the (much repeated advice) to swap the dress for the same one in a different colour and smile and be nicer to your brother and his soon-to-be wife.

Hardly 100s of people.. A handful maybe, a dozen at a stretch.

I can’t reply to every single comment that’s just so unrealistic.

I’ve not put this is any ai. Have you considered maybe other people’s lives are not like yours?

So because I’m frustrated at my brothers ~wife to be~ for being a bridezilla and trying to police my clothes you think i’m fake you think i’m filled with bile and bitterness? ok…

OP posts:
JustGiveMeReason · 28/06/2026 00:15

princesspicker · 27/06/2026 22:53

He lives over an hour away and I have a daughter to take care of and work and other commitments!!

Is it not also, therefore, an hour away for your brother to drive to you ? Hmm

I am guessing, if you are in your 40s and have a 4 yr old, you presumably had around 20 years before you had your dd, when you could have visited him in his home ? I know you are going to say he is a fair bit younger than you, or didn't move out from your parents until he was older, but let's split the difference and say 10 years.

princesspicker · 28/06/2026 00:19

JustGiveMeReason · 28/06/2026 00:15

Is it not also, therefore, an hour away for your brother to drive to you ? Hmm

I am guessing, if you are in your 40s and have a 4 yr old, you presumably had around 20 years before you had your dd, when you could have visited him in his home ? I know you are going to say he is a fair bit younger than you, or didn't move out from your parents until he was older, but let's split the difference and say 10 years.

He actually takes the train.

He’s been living with his gf that whole time so it’s not really just visiting him. As i’ve said we don’t live in the same city. We didn’t live in the same city before. I’ve had a lot to deal with and it’s just not worked out that way.

OP posts:
JustGiveMeReason · 28/06/2026 00:29

princesspicker · 28/06/2026 00:19

He actually takes the train.

He’s been living with his gf that whole time so it’s not really just visiting him. As i’ve said we don’t live in the same city. We didn’t live in the same city before. I’ve had a lot to deal with and it’s just not worked out that way.

I don't live in the same City as my brother (nor were his two previous homes) , but I've visited him many, many times.

Your take on this is very odd.

JustGiveMeReason · 28/06/2026 00:32

So because I’m frustrated at my brothers ~wife to be~ for being a bridezilla and trying to police my clothes you think i’m fake you think i’m filled with bile and bitterness? ok…

We all have worked out you "are filled with bile and bitterness" from everything you have posted over the two threads. The sheer nastiness and bile you have shown to your soon to be SiL.

Emptyandsad · 28/06/2026 00:33

I don't know why people are bothering to argue with the OP. There's an old adage: "never play chess with a pigeon; it just knocks all the pieces over and then struts around acting as if it's won"

aurpod1980 · 28/06/2026 00:35

I wore white to my SILs wedding it was a white linen dress! I really didn’t know it was the thing not to wear white

blueminimoon · 28/06/2026 00:44

Emptyandsad · 28/06/2026 00:33

I don't know why people are bothering to argue with the OP. There's an old adage: "never play chess with a pigeon; it just knocks all the pieces over and then struts around acting as if it's won"

Yep. Also: "Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it."

Sakura7 · 28/06/2026 01:16

Agree with PPs.

Stop feeding the troll.

OneNewEagle · 28/06/2026 01:25

princesspicker · 27/06/2026 21:48

It’s not a perception it is a fact. But it is not the point because whatever class she was from, we and especially mum know how to dress and have been to many many weddings.

Do you both normally wear white or cream dresses to weddings?

OneNewEagle · 28/06/2026 01:44

BravasPatatas · 27/06/2026 23:22

I think we do understand your life. You and your mum are best friends and you expect everyone else to fall in line with you. Neither of you can do anything wrong. Your brother drives for an hour to help you with childcare but you won’t even give him the decency of being kind and welcoming to the woman he loves.
I am wondering where your dad is in all this, as you have mentioned your ‘parents’. I’m going to take a guess that he keeps his head down for a quiet life.

This is now so in line with me and my partners relationship with his sister that it’s unbelievable there’s another female out there behaving like this. We are now no contact with his sister due to the disgusting behaviour.

over the twenty years, and all because she didn’t like me.

we had her daughter, our niece, thousands of times over the years. Weeks at a time. We had to go to her and mums house for drop off collect , they might be out etc. always on their terms. Didn’t matter what we were doing.

She has only ever once been to our home 18 years ago when her mum drove her over. We have moved 5 times since she’s never been to our homes but we were expected to have niece provide all clothes she would be sent with clothes that didn’t fit all food and so on. Niece even wanted mummy to come over to see her room at uncle and aunts house. (Only the guest bedroom but we’d put a pretty cover on for her and books and toys out when she visited)

when we moved to our latest house she arranged to visit with mum and niece. We got all the food ready she never came.

oh and on the topic of food the one time she came to ours we had a buffet type celebration going on. Enough food choices for all to cover all fussy eaters and dietary concerns (me not them). My partner had to make her baked beans as she wouldn’t touch any of the food I put out.

when we got engaged we never got a congrats her brother got oh you will have to wait for me to lose some weight I will need to look my best as it will be my special day!!!

we were not allowed to see mum without her being there unless she had agreed in advance.

and to top it all off she will only attend if she wears white as she told her brother she need to wear white as she will lol the best then on her special day. We have postponed the wedding indefinitely as too much hassle we cannot cope with.

don’t get me started on partners mum as all of this behaviour is due to her behaving like she only has one child, a daughter and her poor son doesn’t count unless she wants something.

completely crazy. Op must have gone to school with her.

OneNewEagle · 28/06/2026 01:59

So OP after all of this you are still going to wear the unsuitable dress you always were going to exactly as my future SIL would. It wouldn’t matter how many people got hurt as long as she was happy, the same as you. As long as her and mum could have a nice time together being bitches to everyone else including their own brother/son. Their son/brother no longer speaks to them as he doesn’t want that toxicity in his life anymore.

we have all posted and warned you of the consequences of all of this.

the one thing I now hope happens is that your SIL reads all of this awful hatred towards her. And she and her husband never speak to you again. Your poor poor brother. And your SIL deserves far better as she has not done anything wrong apart from get engaged to your brother.

my partner has literally sat and wept due to his sisters disgusting behaviour towards him/I/us. No brother should be made to feel me that. Can’t you just stop and think of your brother and how much you love him?

ThePainGrowsStronger · 28/06/2026 02:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ThePainGrowsStronger · 28/06/2026 02:59

Anyone want AI' analysis of the psychological motivation?

Redpaisley · 28/06/2026 03:08

princesspicker · 26/06/2026 19:42

The wedding would not exist if she had not used her money. Simple.

Yes it would. You don’t have to spend a lot in a civil wedding. You don’t like Sil, called her a brat.Are you sure you want to go?

Redpaisley · 28/06/2026 03:08

ThePainGrowsStronger · 28/06/2026 02:59

Anyone want AI' analysis of the psychological motivation?

Yes please.

ThePainGrowsStronger · 28/06/2026 03:15

Not very flattering. Obviously AI is behaving as though this is real!

Short takeaway:

Princesspicker’s behaviour in that thread matches a very recognisable psychological profile: someone driven by ego‑threat, defensiveness, and a need for control, who responds to social disagreement with escalation rather than reflection. Whether she is trolling or genuine, the psychology behind her posting pattern is the same.

Below is a structured, evidence‑based psychological analysis of her behaviour style — not a diagnosis, but a behavioural profile based on what she actually does in the thread.


🧠 Core psychological pattern: Ego‑threat + defensive overcompensation

Her behaviour shows a strong reaction to perceived criticism. When posters disagree with her, she doesn’t reassess — she doubles down.

This is typical of someone experiencing:

  • *ego threat* (her self‑image as “reasonable” is challenged)
  • *defensive overcompensation* (she escalates to regain control)
  • *reactive anger* (criticism feels like an attack, not advice)

This explains why she becomes more hostile the more people disagree.


🔥 1. Need for validation → becomes need for dominance

She begins the thread wanting validation (“let’s see about that”), but when she doesn’t get it, she shifts into dominance mode:

  • attacking the bride
  • attacking posters
  • reframing herself as the victim
  • insisting she is morally correct

This is a classic pattern when someone’s self‑image is fragile: disagreement feels like disrespect, so they try to reassert superiority.


🧩 2. Black‑and‑white thinking

She shows rigid, binary thinking:

  • She is reasonable
  • The bride is “entitled”
  • Posters who disagree are wrong
  • The dress is “not white”
  • Anyone who says otherwise is attacking her

This cognitive rigidity is common in people who struggle with:

  • social nuance
  • perspective‑taking
  • tolerating ambiguity

It’s also common in troll behaviour — but genuine posters under stress can behave this way too.


🎭 3. Externalisation of blame

She consistently shifts responsibility outward:

  • The bride is controlling
  • Posters are unfair
  • People are “ganging up”
  • The dress is fine — everyone else is wrong

This pattern suggests someone who protects their self‑concept by externalising blame rather than reflecting internally.


🔥 4. Conflict‑seeking behaviour

Her actions show she is energised by conflict:

  • starting a second thread
  • inviting more judgement
  • escalating arguments
  • returning repeatedly to provoke more responses

This is not typical of someone distressed or seeking help. It’s typical of someone who:

  • enjoys the drama
  • feels empowered by argument
  • uses conflict to regulate emotion
  • or is deliberately winding people up

Even if she is genuine, she is behaving like someone who uses conflict as a coping mechanism.


🧨 5. Narcissistic defence patterns (behavioural, not diagnostic)

Her posting style aligns with narcissistic defence mechanisms, specifically:

  • *grandiosity* (“I’m right, everyone else is unreasonable”)
  • *entitlement* (“I should wear what I want, the bride is controlling”)
  • *lack of empathy* (no consideration of the bride’s feelings)
  • *rage when challenged* (attacking posters)

This doesn’t mean she is narcissistic — but she is using narcissistic defences.


🧠 6. Emotional immaturity

Her responses show:

  • poor impulse control
  • inability to de‑escalate
  • difficulty tolerating criticism
  • reactive anger
  • black‑and‑white moral framing

This is the behaviour of someone emotionally immature — whether chronologically young or simply lacking emotional regulation skills.


🎯 Overall psychological profile

Princesspicker’s behaviour matches someone who is:

  • *ego‑fragile*
  • *validation‑seeking*
  • *conflict‑driven*
  • *defensive and reactive*
  • *unable to tolerate disagreement*
  • *externalising blame*
  • *using escalation as emotional regulation*

This is why her posts read as troll‑like even if she is genuine: the psychology behind her behaviour produces the same pattern.


🔗 If you want, I can go deeper into:

  • her narcissistic defence mechanisms
  • her conflict‑seeking behaviour
  • how ego‑threat shapes her responses

Which angle do you want next?

Petlover9 · 28/06/2026 04:03

The dress looks fine to me, a pretty floral summer dress. Could you get a pink hat to match?
Is this a new thing, having to ask the bride what you can wear?

princesspicker · 28/06/2026 07:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Please show us what you asked to get that response.

OP posts:
Sophue · 28/06/2026 07:11

Emptyandsad · 28/06/2026 00:33

I don't know why people are bothering to argue with the OP. There's an old adage: "never play chess with a pigeon; it just knocks all the pieces over and then struts around acting as if it's won"

😂😂😂 Love this description as it so fits the OP!

princesspicker · 28/06/2026 07:12

ThePainGrowsStronger · 28/06/2026 03:15

Not very flattering. Obviously AI is behaving as though this is real!

Short takeaway:

Princesspicker’s behaviour in that thread matches a very recognisable psychological profile: someone driven by ego‑threat, defensiveness, and a need for control, who responds to social disagreement with escalation rather than reflection. Whether she is trolling or genuine, the psychology behind her posting pattern is the same.

Below is a structured, evidence‑based psychological analysis of her behaviour style — not a diagnosis, but a behavioural profile based on what she actually does in the thread.


🧠 Core psychological pattern: Ego‑threat + defensive overcompensation

Her behaviour shows a strong reaction to perceived criticism. When posters disagree with her, she doesn’t reassess — she doubles down.

This is typical of someone experiencing:

  • *ego threat* (her self‑image as “reasonable” is challenged)
  • *defensive overcompensation* (she escalates to regain control)
  • *reactive anger* (criticism feels like an attack, not advice)

This explains why she becomes more hostile the more people disagree.


🔥 1. Need for validation → becomes need for dominance

She begins the thread wanting validation (“let’s see about that”), but when she doesn’t get it, she shifts into dominance mode:

  • attacking the bride
  • attacking posters
  • reframing herself as the victim
  • insisting she is morally correct

This is a classic pattern when someone’s self‑image is fragile: disagreement feels like disrespect, so they try to reassert superiority.


🧩 2. Black‑and‑white thinking

She shows rigid, binary thinking:

  • She is reasonable
  • The bride is “entitled”
  • Posters who disagree are wrong
  • The dress is “not white”
  • Anyone who says otherwise is attacking her

This cognitive rigidity is common in people who struggle with:

  • social nuance
  • perspective‑taking
  • tolerating ambiguity

It’s also common in troll behaviour — but genuine posters under stress can behave this way too.


🎭 3. Externalisation of blame

She consistently shifts responsibility outward:

  • The bride is controlling
  • Posters are unfair
  • People are “ganging up”
  • The dress is fine — everyone else is wrong

This pattern suggests someone who protects their self‑concept by externalising blame rather than reflecting internally.


🔥 4. Conflict‑seeking behaviour

Her actions show she is energised by conflict:

  • starting a second thread
  • inviting more judgement
  • escalating arguments
  • returning repeatedly to provoke more responses

This is not typical of someone distressed or seeking help. It’s typical of someone who:

  • enjoys the drama
  • feels empowered by argument
  • uses conflict to regulate emotion
  • or is deliberately winding people up

Even if she is genuine, she is behaving like someone who uses conflict as a coping mechanism.


🧨 5. Narcissistic defence patterns (behavioural, not diagnostic)

Her posting style aligns with narcissistic defence mechanisms, specifically:

  • *grandiosity* (“I’m right, everyone else is unreasonable”)
  • *entitlement* (“I should wear what I want, the bride is controlling”)
  • *lack of empathy* (no consideration of the bride’s feelings)
  • *rage when challenged* (attacking posters)

This doesn’t mean she is narcissistic — but she is using narcissistic defences.


🧠 6. Emotional immaturity

Her responses show:

  • poor impulse control
  • inability to de‑escalate
  • difficulty tolerating criticism
  • reactive anger
  • black‑and‑white moral framing

This is the behaviour of someone emotionally immature — whether chronologically young or simply lacking emotional regulation skills.


🎯 Overall psychological profile

Princesspicker’s behaviour matches someone who is:

  • *ego‑fragile*
  • *validation‑seeking*
  • *conflict‑driven*
  • *defensive and reactive*
  • *unable to tolerate disagreement*
  • *externalising blame*
  • *using escalation as emotional regulation*

This is why her posts read as troll‑like even if she is genuine: the psychology behind her behaviour produces the same pattern.


🔗 If you want, I can go deeper into:

  • her narcissistic defence mechanisms
  • her conflict‑seeking behaviour
  • how ego‑threat shapes her responses

Which angle do you want next?

You’re not making sense. If the AI thinks I’m a troll, how can it also do an analysis on me? What is the analysis on, the troll or the trolling? Please put the AI away lady.

OP posts:
princesspicker · 28/06/2026 07:18

BravasPatatas · 27/06/2026 23:11

Do you have any friends OP? What do they make of the situation?

I have work friends and other mums I know but mostly talk to mum about the wedding.

OP posts:
HarshbutTrue2 · 28/06/2026 07:19

princesspicker · 27/06/2026 23:45

I’m as English as they come thank you very much, what about my ideas seem foreign to you?

I don’t know exactly how long they’ve been together. A long time maybe a decade. Yes they invited us and we went. She even took a family photo of us there. My brother has met her parents, yes. Anything else? I can make a third thread x

I thought she was probably from a different culture to you, with her insistence on no white for guests. It's not something that people in the UK bother about much.

Also, maybe I'm wrong, but when people from the UK get engaged/ set up home together/ get serious, there is usually a meeting between the two families. We took my parents and the in-laws out for a meal when we decided to get married. They met at least once more before the wedding.

They always exchanged Christmas cards and the two mums used to phone each other up. The two dads were in frequent contact too. My brother actually became close to my father in law after my dad died. The brothers and sisters in law from both families were on social terms. I even socialised with my one of my sister in laws parents and knew other sister in laws parents well.

I thought we were a normal family. Maybe not.

Zonder · 28/06/2026 07:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AI at its best!

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