AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding? Part 2.

[princesspicker]

Old thread nearly full. Some of you are saying if people had seen the dress straight away the votes would be 99% against me, let’s see about that. At least half the other thread say it’s fine to wear this dress.

From the old thread:

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding.

The dress: https://www.hobbs.com/product/carly-floral-dress/0126-5675-9022L00-CREAM-MULTI.html

BD’s gf (bride) saw a dress that is similar to my dress. She saw it at my mum’s. It has a pattern but with short sleeves and some ruffle. It is one of my dresses and I had left it at my mums house. It is not the dress I’ll wear for the wedding.

She called that dress white even though it has a pattern. She told mum that it would be inappropriate to wear for the wedding day. Mum and I think she pretended to think it was one of my mum’s options, since it was clearly not something mum would wear anywhere.

This all happened because my mum was showing her all the dress options she had in mind for herself for the wedding.

When bride raised this with mum, mum told her not to worry because she (mum) won’t wear white.

Which is true regardless of if you say the dress is white or cream or whatever.

After this happened, my brother started asking everyone what they would be wearing.

Old thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546975-aibu-to-wear-a-floral-dress-my-brothers-girlfriend-calls-white-to-their-wedding

But she’s not being is she? As she’s not actually seen the dress and said no. For all you know, you could email her the link and she’d say it’s fine. You just want a drama.

I'm still in the this is a wind up camp, but it made me think about people who are actually like this IRL.

Why can't they just admit their real motive, that they wish to hurt the other person in whatever way they can no matter how petty? Is it because they just can't cope with the reality that they are actually being a dickhead, and there's no excuse for it other than sheer dickheadedness?

When they post online and get the occasional comment in support of them its usually because that poster hasn't read the thread and sometimes its an obvious sock, and they hold on to it like a life raft!

It's slightly amusing in a shake your head, roll your eyes kind of way. I guess some people are just a little bit pathetic.

I wonder how they manage to form solid, long lasting relationships in real life? Can they? Are they all superficial relationships mere seconds away from a burn all the bridges fall out? Or are the only relationships they consistently have with the blood relatives who can't manage to break free of the toxic family dynamics because of FOG?

So basically you rely on mummy to help fund your lifestyle, one you can’t actually afford.

If she truly goes to very important events she’ll know wearing white or cream or ivory or whatever the fuck you want to call it to a wedding is not a done thing.

And of course she’ll agree with you that the bride is a control freak as she doesn’t want to upset her favourite golden child.

Jesus the poor bride, how horrible are the pair of you.

As I’ve said before - happy to post pictures of me wearing this after the wedding xx

I genuinely unsure the op has any relationships out with her mother,

Why because you want to pretend you’re the bride and keep it a secret?

Keep what a secret? I have shared the dress!

You're grown, go visit your sil-to-be and bring the dress and accessories too, and see if she feels better about it.

That would be really odd as I’ve never visited her before, I think I’ll pass on that suggestion.

Goodness you’re unpleasant

How the fuck have you never visited your SIL? Does that mean you don’t visit your brother (assuming they live together)? Are you that demanding that you expect everyone to visit you? What a selfish entitled bitch you are. im sure she’s very very happy not having you anywhere near her house.

Calling it now, OP will be back in a few years with a thread asking just why on EARTH her brother doesn't speak to her or her Mum anymore. She'll be so confused, what could she POSSIBLY have done wrong?

I see them when I visit my parents as they live close but I don’t go to their house no. Why should I? We meet at my parents house - our childhood home!

Because you’re his fucking sister. Of course you should visit their house. Thats what decent relatives do. The fact you won’t even visit your own fucking brother without it being your mothers says everything about you

I see SIL at her house because I’m a decent fucking human being who realises that marrying her brother means I see them at their house just like them come to ours.

I really see no problems with the dress if its sympathetically accessorised not to highlight any perceived issue.

I also think she is being a bit of a bridezilla especially as she hasn't seen the dress BUT OP, you need to decide if this is a hill you potentially want to die on.

I don't disagree with what you are saying, but sometimes you have to take a hit for the well being of others even when its unfair.

I'm speaking as the woman that was once asked to wear a bright yellow dress at a wedding that was two sizes too small and it was that tight I had a bigger cleavage at the back than the front. I looked like a giant Tweetypie. I hated it, but I was there for the bride so I had to suck it up.

I think I would accessories the dress with a coloured (pink, lilac etc) jacket and matching shoes and send your brother a photo. (you don't have to keep the jacket/cardigan on for the whole thing, just the ceremony and photos)

Minimise the cream, it shouldn't be a problem and maybe the bride is getting riled up about nothing because wedding planning is stressful and she thinks its just another thing that could go wrong. Send the picture, I would be surprised if its not OK. And sadly, if it doesn't meet approval then save it for another day and buy something else.

You are not being unreasonable, she is, but this is your brother and you will only get the blame it she kicks off. Don't give her the opportunity.

where do they babysit your daughter?

But you don't GET it! OP is a single mother so can't POSSIBLY be expected to go out of her way to do anything! And brother is being TOTALLY unreasonable by siding with his soon to be wife and then refusing to drop everything the second OP or her Mum ned help with something or demand his presence or want him to do childcare.

At my house, in the park near the house etc.

I believe you can buy mini me dresses from next. They could have worn matching dresses

You want me to drive to my parents with DD, park there, spend time with them, then drive to my brother’s house? Instead of them or him just going to my parents house to see us there?

The OP has been quite clear that she is wealthy, far wealthier than her SIL to be!

Do you never see your brother on his own, away from your parents?

Yes, because that’s what decent fucking relatives do. Or you know you can do that on separate days just like everyone else does. Why should he be the one to run round after you? Why should he have to drop everything purely because you’re too lazy to actually go and see him

I sense you are being sarcastic, but you don’t know me or my situation or the struggles I’ve had to deal with.