AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding? Part 2.

[princesspicker]

Old thread nearly full. Some of you are saying if people had seen the dress straight away the votes would be 99% against me, let’s see about that. At least half the other thread say it’s fine to wear this dress.

From the old thread:

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding.

The dress: https://www.hobbs.com/product/carly-floral-dress/0126-5675-9022L00-CREAM-MULTI.html

BD’s gf (bride) saw a dress that is similar to my dress. She saw it at my mum’s. It has a pattern but with short sleeves and some ruffle. It is one of my dresses and I had left it at my mums house. It is not the dress I’ll wear for the wedding.

She called that dress white even though it has a pattern. She told mum that it would be inappropriate to wear for the wedding day. Mum and I think she pretended to think it was one of my mum’s options, since it was clearly not something mum would wear anywhere.

This all happened because my mum was showing her all the dress options she had in mind for herself for the wedding.

When bride raised this with mum, mum told her not to worry because she (mum) won’t wear white.

Which is true regardless of if you say the dress is white or cream or whatever.

After this happened, my brother started asking everyone what they would be wearing.

Old thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546975-aibu-to-wear-a-floral-dress-my-brothers-girlfriend-calls-white-to-their-wedding

This. ⬆️ it’s gone beyond the dress.

Its a lovely dress, wear it another time and preserve family relations. Deliberately wearing something you know will upset the bride isn't nice and will reflect badly on you not her when she inevitably gets upset

Yes, but people cannot get past giving opinions that the bride is BU and offering tips how to style the dress because f-her ... 🤦‍♀️
There's a bit of bride-hating on the thread by posters who, I think, also have a bit of main character syndrome (why else would you argue in favour of wearing any dress remotely bridal, bridal party, or otherwise attention grabbing and why argue to wear a dress despite the bride voicing opposition to the style or colour? There are countless dresses that aren't white/any shade of white or on a white/any shade of white background.

You're right 💯
It's not just about the dress. OP obviously hates her SiL to be.
-said "she didn't have the balls to tell me herself not to wear the dress"
(who talks like that?)
-refers to her as "my brother's girlfriend" when she should say "my brother's fiancee"
Among all the other comments. 🤦‍♀️

The wedding guest section on Hobbs (which is probably AI or basic filters rather than dresses specifically approved by an etiquette expert) has 25/166 dresses listed as white or ivory. That's 1 in 7. John Lewis has 58/1518. That's 1 in 26.

But none of that matters. OP knows her brother and his fiancée wouldn't approve of the one she's chosen, and that is what matters.

I suspect the dress situation is the tip of the iceberg of things that reflect badly on OP.

The really really sad thing about both threads is that OP seems to have missed the glaringly obvious point that the only people she and her mother will be hurting by wearing a dress the bride has asked her not to (or a similar dress) and insisting everyone knows 'she paid' and kicking off about the groom's shoes... are themselves.

The bride will be so busy having a wonderful day, she probably won't notice the dress. However, if she does, it will just be another 'reason' to add to a (I'm sure, very very long list) of reasons why her SIL and MIL are unreasonable and unkind people and will be giving her a stack of ammunition ready for when they cross the line one step too far and they get cut off from their brother/son.

You and your Mum might not like the bride OP, the way you speak about her is awful and I don't think she's been a 'bridezilla' at all.

However, I'm betting that this isn't the first time you've both been unkind and tried to overstep with the bride and your brother. At some point, they will get sick of the hassle and either move so far away you'll rarely see them or they'll both draw a line and cut you off.

You'll lose your brother through your own spite when you could have forged a lovely relationship with your new sister-in-law and supported your brother's new chapter. Instead, you are choosing to antagonise. I'm sure one day, you'll regret it. I'm sure you'll blame her, make out like your brother is 'under the thumb' but the reality is that you're choosing to push them both away.

I'd really stop and think about how much you care for your brother and whether being spiteful gives you enough satisfaction for it to be worth potentially losing that relationship.

The above post reminds me of someone who had twins. Boy and girl. They grew up and got married. They had kids.
The relationship between the twin girl and her brothers wife was so bad that the brother severed all contact with his family.
The saddest part was that the grandparents ceased to see their grandchildren.

It took many years before the inevitable happened. Lots of incidents. The grandparents tried to keep the peace but it reached the point of no return.

But it's irrelevant whether wearing a cream floral dress is appropriate at weddings in general. The point is the bride has asked that guests not wear a dress very similar to the one OP picked.

It's ok for the bride and groom to ask people to follow a dress code. That's normal at parties. Black tie/smart casual/Great Gatsby theme/beach theme/80s style/ etc. Anything that doesn't fit the dress code isn't appropriate even if it would be fine in another context.

OP has knowingly chosen a dress the bride and groom don't want her to wear. That dress is by definition not appropriate in that context.

They may not want the cousins to hang out together.
Don't allow your daughter to see your disdainful attitude for them or that of your mother, if she too has the same feelings.

If you know the bride thinks it's white, why risk upsetting her? She's your boyfriend's sister so hopefully in your life for a long time. Even if you're not super close, but it sounds like you are if your mum is going too. It's not worth the risk imo.

Two whole threads of people telling you the same thing

I wouldn’t wear it.

Perhaps to make others aware of her thoughts?

The dress is fine, but the point is that the bride has made it clear that she's not happy with it. Therefore respect her feeling. Don't wear it.

Acceptable to you, but apparently not to the bride. That's what matters.

I’m starting to think this is all a big goad/joke - if it isn’t the OP is bonkers and a nasty piece of work to boot.
I don’t think your brother will give you the time of day if you don’t improve your attitude OP.
Over 75% of MNs think you’re in the wrong and you still think you’re right 🤦‍♀️

No, she did not knowingly chose a dress the bride had asked her not to. OP purchased the dress a while ago, subsequently her mother had a similar one in the bedroom at her home (Mothers_ and bride assumed the Mother would be wearing it for the wedding and Mother corrected them and said she was not wearing white. Mum told OP what had been said.

Neither the bride nor the groom has seen the OPs dress from my understanding, which is cream not white and there is nothing bridal about it. With brightly coloured accessories, coloured jacket, shoes and bag, it will look even less bridal if that were possible.

I do not think the dress is inappropriate. Its up to the OP whether this is a hill she wants to die on but I suspect this is over nothing because with the accessories, there is nothing wrong with the dress.

If it was a plain white or silky dress, even vaguely bridal I would agree with you, but it is not. Its wouldn't suite me, I am an older woman but that would be all that would stop me from wearing it.

Its an expensive dress, its possibly too late to take it back or a refund or swop, if she wanted to.

The more I look at the dress, the more I think it would be lovely for a bride to wear for a casual wedding/courthouse wedding/2nd wedding, or for a maid of honour/bridesmaid, or mother of the bride. I don't think the dress is frumpy at all. It definitely has bridal party vibes.

I mean - I think it’s a lovely dress but if the bride is saying no then I think, on this one occasion, you can be the bigger person and swap it for something else. Or, and I haven’t read the full thread so this is just hunch, if you have an issue with SIL (which is the vibe I’m getting) wear it and be prepared for shit to go down.

There is nothing about that dress that should cause offense and it cannot possibly be classed as 'white'. I have to wonder whether this is just normal Bridezilla behaviour, or the actions of a card-carrying, fully paid up member of the Narcissist Party. Either way - wear the dress.

The bride hasn’t seen the dress and hasn’t said it’s too white. This entire thread (and the one before!) is based on the OP assuming the bride will say it’s too white because the OP doesn’t like her.

Show the bride and your brother the dress + accessories and ask THEM what they think. They would be unreasonable to say it’s not suitable but it’s better to communicate beforehand if you don’t want to cause upset.

I think I would advise the brother, and future SIL, to elope and go non contact with his family.

Would you wear it knowing the bride was opposed? She's seen a similar dress and asked it not be worn. The OP must feel the dress crosses or straddles the line or she wouldn't have posted.
This is thread #2. Over 80% on thread #1 said, No.
There are over 600 posts on this current thread and over 2000 votes with the majority opposed.

Surely a guest would abide the bride's wishes?
Unless that guest thought, Nah, f-her.

The families will indeed meet for the first time at the wedding. So what?!

💯💯💯💯💯