AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding? Part 2.

[princesspicker]

Old thread nearly full. Some of you are saying if people had seen the dress straight away the votes would be 99% against me, let’s see about that. At least half the other thread say it’s fine to wear this dress.

From the old thread:

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding.

The dress: https://www.hobbs.com/product/carly-floral-dress/0126-5675-9022L00-CREAM-MULTI.html

BD’s gf (bride) saw a dress that is similar to my dress. She saw it at my mum’s. It has a pattern but with short sleeves and some ruffle. It is one of my dresses and I had left it at my mums house. It is not the dress I’ll wear for the wedding.

She called that dress white even though it has a pattern. She told mum that it would be inappropriate to wear for the wedding day. Mum and I think she pretended to think it was one of my mum’s options, since it was clearly not something mum would wear anywhere.

This all happened because my mum was showing her all the dress options she had in mind for herself for the wedding.

When bride raised this with mum, mum told her not to worry because she (mum) won’t wear white.

Which is true regardless of if you say the dress is white or cream or whatever.

After this happened, my brother started asking everyone what they would be wearing.

Old thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546975-aibu-to-wear-a-floral-dress-my-brothers-girlfriend-calls-white-to-their-wedding

So you ARE 1) fussy and 2) doing this to make a point/ cause drama.

At least be honest with yourself.

The fact that you started a second thread clearly shows this is all about you.
I said before do you want to continue having a relationship with your brother?
If yes, then get a new dress.
Otherwise crack on and piss them both off. He is marrying her not you.
It doesn't matter how wrong you think she is. It matters how much you want to be kind to your brother.

Yes, I think YABU. It's not because you had to cancel your own wedding that you now need to spoil your future SiL's big day. She thinks that dress is "too white", so don't wear it. Why for heaven's sake have you chosen a dress that's very similar to a white dress worn with a flowery foulard or even a (bridal) bouquet? You want to look special at your brother's wedding but this is not the right way to attrack attention.

He could not want to.

Get off your high horse.

Another thread about this? Are you this difficult generally or is this a one off?
Just wear something else. It’s really not that difficult. Wear the “it’s not white” dress some other time (but not to a wedding!)

As evidenced by the two threads! 🤦‍♀️

I don't think Kate is old money.
Also, I am pretty sure she got new stuff for her own wedding.

Wear the dress, at least then you new sister in law sees you for who you are.
Or see if you have something else you could wear instead, no need buy anything new for a wedding.

Looks fine to me, not at all bridal. If I was the bride I wouldn’t be bothered by it at all.

I don't think it's too bad, however it's her day not yours and what she says, goes.

My MIL bought an ivory lace dress for my wedding...guess what my wedding dress was made from? My husband had a word and she changed it. Genuine oversight on her part, I choose to believe.

Then, my MIL had the ordasity to pull me up when I wore a pink floral dress to my SILs wedding, because my MIL was also wearing pink (only I didn't know what she was wearing, and well .... she was not the bride)

The dress is no way inappropriate for wedding. I am so fed up with hearing about these dictatorial bridezilla women.

Wear then announce your own wedding/pregnancy during the speeches.

The bride hasn’t actually said it’s inappropriate. She’s never even seen it.

I haven't read the whole thread yet, so this may already have been said. Unless you are wearing a veil and carrying a bouquet, nobody could mistake you for the bride.

I totally agree, its even in the wedding guest dresses section on the retailers site.

Exactly 100% this

I really like it OP and would love it if you were a guest at my wedding - but as the bride is taking not wearing white to the extreme of not having a patterned dress (ridiculous but still), I do think you would be unreasonable to wear it.

Can you say what transpired with DM and check with the bride?

Funny Princess Catherine wore plain cream dress, I do think she should’ve gone with pink - or something else.

In general, I'd think that was fine for the type of wedding where the bride is going to be wearing a full gown with a train. It's not remotely upstaging, pretending to be the bride, or anything of the sort. I'd consider it totally appropriate for a wedding guest and wouldn't have batted an eyelid at a guest wearing that to my wedding.

I probably wouldn't wear it to something like a small registry office second wedding where the bride might be a lot more likely to wear something shorter and simpler.

However, if the bride has somewhat dramatic views and considers anyone wearing white, cream, ivory etc to be unacceptable then I'd wear something else even if I was quietly rolling my eyes and thinking they were a bit of a tit. It's not worth the argument- the responses on here show it's not a clean line and if the bride chooses to make a deal of it then plenty of people will side with her.

Look at the colours worn by the royal family as wedding guests. It’s not bad form at all to wear white or off white, as long as you don’t wear anything that might confuse a stupid person into thinking you’re the actual bride.

That said, it seems the bride may fall into that camp, so pick something else and save yourself the drama.

Your dd said you look like a princess.

Hahaha come on now this is a total wind up.

Amazing

Personally I think it's fine as long as worn with coloured accessories to lessen the proportion of white e.g. dark pink hat, shoes, bag.

The whole point about avoiding white etc is to avoid upsetting the bride. It sort of doesn’t matter if the consensus is the bride is right or wrong in her assessment.

Usually you wouldn’t want to bother a bride by asking her to clear the outfit, but here it seems she’s taking an interest?

So, why not ask her or DB if the dress is ok?

If you don’t care what they think then I guess don’t ask, and just go ahead and wear it. But if you do care, then in this instance, I think check.

It’s a lovely dress.

Now it’s clear this is a made up scenario - I refuse to believe there are people as openly selfish and obtuse as you @princesspicker

If it’s too late for a refund for the dress then just wear it. Put a colourful shawl on with it and keep it on no matter what for photos. Then the top of the dress will be covered. I think it’s fine. It has huge pink flowers on it. It’s not a wedding dress.

There's a good chance you will be seeing a lot less of your brother after the wedding because she isn't going to stop being controlling afterwards. I'd therefore be tempted to keep the peace for your mum's sake, wear a different dress and try and make happy memories while you can.