AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding? Part 2.

[princesspicker]

Old thread nearly full. Some of you are saying if people had seen the dress straight away the votes would be 99% against me, let’s see about that. At least half the other thread say it’s fine to wear this dress.

From the old thread:

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding.

The dress: https://www.hobbs.com/product/carly-floral-dress/0126-5675-9022L00-CREAM-MULTI.html

BD’s gf (bride) saw a dress that is similar to my dress. She saw it at my mum’s. It has a pattern but with short sleeves and some ruffle. It is one of my dresses and I had left it at my mums house. It is not the dress I’ll wear for the wedding.

She called that dress white even though it has a pattern. She told mum that it would be inappropriate to wear for the wedding day. Mum and I think she pretended to think it was one of my mum’s options, since it was clearly not something mum would wear anywhere.

This all happened because my mum was showing her all the dress options she had in mind for herself for the wedding.

When bride raised this with mum, mum told her not to worry because she (mum) won’t wear white.

Which is true regardless of if you say the dress is white or cream or whatever.

After this happened, my brother started asking everyone what they would be wearing.

Old thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546975-aibu-to-wear-a-floral-dress-my-brothers-girlfriend-calls-white-to-their-wedding

@princesspicker you very clearly have strong wishes, opinions and boundaries. Your sense of certainty makes me wonder why you asked ‘AIBU?’.

Is this the correct order for your priorities

1. Wear what you want whether it upsets a bride & groom or not
2. Not burden your DD with the experience of their mum changing their mind about dresses
3. Have it be known your DM has paid for the wedding.

Have you explored whether the bride might be wearing a dress which looks similar? (sorry if I missed this info up thread). Lots of brides get married in cream (I did) and with floral designs.

This is all utterly unhinged!

DD says the dress makes mummy look like a princess. It’s not your turn to look like a princess, it’s the brides turn! The bride is getting anxious because your family have form for wearing white to weddings. FFS the groom doesn’t wear 3 year old shoes to no a wedding, the something old should be hidden and it’s a tradition that applies to the BRIDE not the groom! Bridesmaids come from the brides family and friends not the grooms!

Wear the dress if you want, you’ve got no chance of outshining the bride on her wedding day, just causing a rift between you. And if forced to pick sides your brother WILL choose his wife and you will lose him.

everyone will know you called on your wedding and the dress you posted will make you look like you’re trying to make it look like your day. You’ll make a fool of yourself!

regardless of who’s paid what money, the day belongs to the bride and groom and no one else. All this talk of new money/old money/no money just looks absolutely classless. They have no obligation to make sure you have a good time even though they have “selfishly” picked a destination wedding.

You clearly don’t like the bride but, in order not to make an absolute twat of yourselves at the wedding I suggest you work very hard to pretend you do and act like it on the day

FFS, you’re not being policed, you’re going to someone else’s event and they have a clearly stated dress code. It’s not even a particularly demanding dress code, just don’t wear anything white/cream/ivory.

You don’t have to agree with the dress code, you can think it’s silly, but you either:

• Go to the event and abide by the dress code; or
• Don’t go; or
• Have any adult fucking conversation with your SIL, show her the dress and see if she’s got any room for movement once she’s seen it.

Does he make excuses? That’s not what you were complaining about in your previous post, you said you can’t just ask him, he has to check with her to see if they have plans.

Have you considered that your feelings are likely very obvious to them, hence why they’re not falling over themselves to help you?? You seem adamant that even if you upset his wife your relationship won’t change but now it sounds like he’s already pulling away from you. Wear the dress and see what happens I guess.

I’ve read it all now - the bride isn’t a priority at her own wedding??

you sound bitter, jealous and spoilt and I hope you brother is realising it all for himself!
god help your daughter with a mother like you!

Exactly this.

My DH's family (who we both generally get along with, most of the time) are being an absolute nightmare at the moment due to a falling out between a parent and a sibling. Both people involved are being massive drama queens, and other relations are sticking their oar in and making the situation even worse.

It's not a pleasant environment right now so my DH doesn't want to be around them. He's getting it in the neck about not visiting enough but it's a horrible atmosphere, and he thinks the whole thing would be sorted if they would just grow up and stop behaving like petulant children.

I can imagine based on OP's posts, her brother may feel the same way about his family. Particularly if they have behaved badly towards his wife to be (which they almost certainly have, given OP and her mother's horrible attitude).

Oh come on, this thread is a blatant piss take 😂

His excuse could just be ‘I don’t want to’

Family photos are often a good reason why a colour code is implemented.

I doubt your experience of their wedding is top on their priority list TBH.

No, he doesn't need an excuse not to provide you with free childcare.

Oh my word this is getting more batshit by the minute. No one can possibly be this self-involved?? You are absolutely awful, calling yourself a princess on someone else’s wedding day. Textbook toxic narcissism.

And your mum planning to “take credit” for funding the wedding?! Utterly classless the pair of you.

I mean... It all seems to have spiralled a bit unnecessarily. I personally don't think you'd look remotely like the bride in this dress, it's totally a wedding guest outfit. For the sake of 'peace', perhaps switch the colour? BUT - do have to say that I find it mind boggling that any bride - an adult woman enjoying one of the happiest days of her life - should be so invested in what others are wearing?! So juvenile, self absorbed and controlling, makes me feel slightly 🤢
Completely an aside, and just my opinion, but this dress isn't cute enough to justify any type of drama, sorry! Polyester from Hobbs? I thought OP was in her 40s...?

lol, entitled?
most of your posts are about looking like a princess and you’re citing ’the king’, ‘Kate’ and ‘the royal family’,
all the women in your family wear white to weddings when they’re not the bride?!
it’s none of your business who paid for the wedding, and if it’s a gift then it should be done with good grace.
what planet are you on?

We will have to wait for the 3rd thread to see those results 😂

sure @princesspicker will keep replying and make a third one

For one day in her life (one hopes), she gets to say what she wants and doesn't want on that one particular day.

The only entitled brat I see is the one stamping her feet and shouting "You're not the boss of me."

I hardly think your daughter will experience trauma if you swap the dress for another colour. Just do the decent thing and show your brother and his fiancée some respect on their wedding day.

Once they are safely married I suspect you won't see either of them for dust.

I actually think the best advice is you should not go to the wedding. Your comments make it clear you don’t like the bride and if you don’t like one of the people getting married don’t go to their wedding!

@princesspicker the dress you have shown is nice but not one I would associate a young girl saying you look like a princess in

I don't really understand why you started this thread. You said you don't want to be policed on what you wear. From this and other comments, I think you will wear it regardless, but surely the easiest thing would have been to reply to your brother's message to say you had chosen a dress, say 'here is a picture of it' and ask him to check with his bride to be that it is suitable.

If he then replied to say that it was not suitable, I'm sure your dd would be happy if you explained to her that you will be wearing the princess dress on another day that you are at the destination, just not on the wedding day.

Of course the bride should be your priority. She is your brothers fiancée marrying him for the rest of his life. She is your daughters Aunty and your sister in law that makes her family already where you love her think kindly of her and want her to have a beautiful day. Also if they choose to have children she will be the mother of your nieces and nephews.

One silly dress which can be swapped for the same dress in another colour can cause all of this hassle and you might no longer have a brother and sister in law that you see.

also a side note but don’t put your daughter in a flower girl bridesmaid style dress a stabdard summer dress is fine. And make sure your mum isn’t wearing cream or white either she should have taught you all already you don’t try to upstage the bride. She wants a daughter in law that loves and respects her.

another note do not mention the wedding finances at any point of whom paid for what. It’s undignified and completely unnecessary.

bear in mind this might also be the first time the brides family meet you all you want them to like you and think fondly of their son in laws family.

two of my full siblings have married. I’ve tried to remember what I wore. It 100% has no cream or white. My mum is trim lucky her and like the royal family so always has something to get out of her wardrobe for special occasions over the last 50 years so think each time she had a two piece skirt and jacket outfit, one was definitely royal blue. It’s possible she wore the same outfit each time even though they were twenty years apart.

both were weddings in heat. I wore a matching set of top and skirt to one which was pale blue with pink flowers as I’m supposed to blend into the background as I’m not the bride and my arms and legs were covered for modesty.

the other a darker dress with red flowers and at that one one of my sisters wore a navy dress, not one of us wore anything white at all as my sister in law would have been mortified we would ruin the photos and probably cried. That wedding I had a chance to change for the evening do and as I’m now disabled I changed into a maxi linen skirt with flowers so i could wear some flats, a simple plain black top and if it had cooled a hot pink cardigan for when I walked home after the event. Try to go for those sorts of looks so you don’t stand out.

So your brother is getting married in 3 weeks and you are calling his fiancée his girlfriend. You claim to be an independent woman in early 40s with a child. Grow up.

This is all the colourways for the same Carly dress. So you know which size you need and that it fits you so just reorder in another colour. If you post on the style and beauty board people will help with accessories abd so on. You can still feel lovely just in a darker outfit.

https://www.hobbs.com/search/?q=Carly&lang=en

I like the green which I have seen at a family wedding.

https://www.hobbs.com/product/carly-dress/0125-5675-9022L05-GREEN-IVORY.html#lang=en&q=Carly&sz=60&start=0&isSecondPage=false&pid=0125-5675-9022L05-GREEN-IVORY&pos=6

Or there’s hot pink if you are after pink

https://www.hobbs.com/product/carly-dress/0125-5675-9045L00-PINK-MULTI.html#lang=en&q=Carly&sz=60&start=0&isSecondPage=false&pid=0125-5675-9045L00-PINK-MULTI&pos=12