AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding? Part 2.

[princesspicker]

Old thread nearly full. Some of you are saying if people had seen the dress straight away the votes would be 99% against me, let’s see about that. At least half the other thread say it’s fine to wear this dress.

From the old thread:

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding.

The dress: https://www.hobbs.com/product/carly-floral-dress/0126-5675-9022L00-CREAM-MULTI.html

BD’s gf (bride) saw a dress that is similar to my dress. She saw it at my mum’s. It has a pattern but with short sleeves and some ruffle. It is one of my dresses and I had left it at my mums house. It is not the dress I’ll wear for the wedding.

She called that dress white even though it has a pattern. She told mum that it would be inappropriate to wear for the wedding day. Mum and I think she pretended to think it was one of my mum’s options, since it was clearly not something mum would wear anywhere.

This all happened because my mum was showing her all the dress options she had in mind for herself for the wedding.

When bride raised this with mum, mum told her not to worry because she (mum) won’t wear white.

Which is true regardless of if you say the dress is white or cream or whatever.

After this happened, my brother started asking everyone what they would be wearing.

Old thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546975-aibu-to-wear-a-floral-dress-my-brothers-girlfriend-calls-white-to-their-wedding

Oh so he understands all the women in his family are self centred, ignorant, and down right rude and will do what ever they want no matter who they upset 😂😂😂 have a day off everyone needs to stop replying to this idiot now and let her go ruin the wedding as that’s what she seems she’ll do whether she wears that dress or a bin bag. She has no regard for anyone but herself

I got married 20 years ago and I still remember that one of the guests wore a similar dress (ie mainly white with some floral pattern. But mainly white) and that I was irritated on my wedding day. Even now I still think it was poor form.

if it had been my sister in law I’d take a dim view. You say they don’t make much effort for you or your mum. I don’t think this dress will help.

They decided to inconvenience everybody by having a destination wedding so I’ll have to travel with my DD to get there. The least they can do is make sure I have a good time.

Fair enough, but this sil does and it is HER and brothers day. Not op’s so it is only polite to respect their wishes no?

This is getting really pathetic now OP.

Any normal, decent person who actually cared about her brother would simply change the dress if they had an indication that the bride was uncomfortable with it.

I suspect that you are your mother's golden child and are totally enmeshed with her, while your brother is the scapegoat. It also explains why your mother feels so entitled to have control over their wedding. I hope they take a massive step back from you both for the sake of their own sanity.

Exactly this.

You don't have to go. You CHOSE to go. The onus is not on the bride and groom to make sure you have a good time, they'll be busy getting married and having fun. Something that they might find harder to do if the groom's relatives are swanning around in white, demanding attention, complaining that it's "their wedding too", criticising the bride for being controlling or insecure for asking a very reasonable request not to wear white, complaining that there are no children involved in the wedding and everything else. You all sound like hard work and I don't blame your brother if he never spoke to any of you again after this.

He understands that it’s normal to wear what you like. And that it’s normal and common for women in our family to wear white to a wedding.

Of course she cares what I wear. She loved princess dresses on both of us! If I changed this dress now it would upset her. She is really looking forward to dressing up.

Ok. You convinced me.

Wear the dress. It will send the message to your brother&his wife loudly and clearly that you have zero respect for them on their wedding day, which is true, so why to hide it.

There will be no space for doubts afterwards, they will understand and make even less effort in future with you, which is the best they can do for themselves.

I know your mum knew what you were wearing!
Unlike many PP, I have excellent reading comprehension skills.

Your mum was devious in not showing your SiL2B a photo of your dress during that conversation, or telling her what it was like, as she knew it wouldn't pass the 'no white or cream' test.

You are also being devious, because YOU KNOW SiL2B would think your dress is too white.
That's why you won't send her a photo of it.

We are defending the bride because we are sorry for her that she will have you as a SiL.

Yeah agree if she's actually been asked not to wear it. I just can't believe what some women are like to go full bridezilla over a white dress with big pink flowers all over it. It's hardly a white lace gown that could be confused for a bridal dress.

The voting currently shows 76% think you’re unreasonable, and it was similar on your first post. You clearly don’t want any opinions which don’t match your own.
Even your post title is misleading. There’s nothing wrong with wearing a floral dress - unless it is only partly patterned and therefore predominantly white or cream.
I actually think you should wear the dress if it means that much to you. You have no role in the wedding, except as a guest, and your presence will be so insignificant that I doubt anyone will give you a second glance. It’s not your big day after all.

But SIL doesn't KNOW what the OP's dress looks like because OP is refusing to send her a picture.

This is just rage bait guys leave her to it

Although I’m finding it quite entertaining, I really must do something a bit more productive with my day 😂

I haven't read through the whole thread, but thought I read that she'd seen in hanging at her mums?

It was laid out on a bed, not hanging.

Yep deffo a bullshit post. This comment has sealed it.

Clearly you don’t have a daughter.

Eh yeah rheir own weddings, 😂

She saw a different dress of OP's, thought it was what OP's Mum was wearing to the wedding and then asked for the "no white" rule based on the dress SIL saw. OP is planning to wear the dress in the link which does look very white to me, but is refusing to send the picture to her brother & SIL because she knows that it will get a negative reaction from them and she wants to wear it regardless of how it makes the couple feel. Because weddings in her family have always been "wear what you want" and she's having a tantrum that this bride and groom have set a reasonable boundary for their own wedding.

Sorry Op was it actually the dress or one that looked similar. You’re changing your story.

Why will the cream dress allow you to have a better time than the other colours will?