AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding? Part 2.

[princesspicker]

Old thread nearly full. Some of you are saying if people had seen the dress straight away the votes would be 99% against me, let’s see about that. At least half the other thread say it’s fine to wear this dress.

From the old thread:

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding.

The dress: https://www.hobbs.com/product/carly-floral-dress/0126-5675-9022L00-CREAM-MULTI.html

BD’s gf (bride) saw a dress that is similar to my dress. She saw it at my mum’s. It has a pattern but with short sleeves and some ruffle. It is one of my dresses and I had left it at my mums house. It is not the dress I’ll wear for the wedding.

She called that dress white even though it has a pattern. She told mum that it would be inappropriate to wear for the wedding day. Mum and I think she pretended to think it was one of my mum’s options, since it was clearly not something mum would wear anywhere.

This all happened because my mum was showing her all the dress options she had in mind for herself for the wedding.

When bride raised this with mum, mum told her not to worry because she (mum) won’t wear white.

Which is true regardless of if you say the dress is white or cream or whatever.

After this happened, my brother started asking everyone what they would be wearing.

Old thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546975-aibu-to-wear-a-floral-dress-my-brothers-girlfriend-calls-white-to-their-wedding

Pretty sure the OP is actually the Mum.

@Pinkissmart in what way are bride and groom not being reasonable? The way OP and mum are going on they are more than being reasonable inviting them to the wedding. I would have eloped by now!

I never knew that about green! I've worn green to a wedding twice, possibly three times. I hope I didn't upset anyone.

Two of those marriages ended in divorce, I wonder if I jinxed them?

How are they not being reasonable. It’s very normal not to wear cream ivory or white to a wedding, it’s very normal to pick your own wedding food and your own shoes, it’s very normal to want a small wedding without flower girls etc,

you write like you think thr ip is right, she should be able to rock up in a cream dress, it’s the mothers wedding and she should be picking the food and welcoming the guests instead of the usual marriage line up.

OMG. That is not good wedding etiquette. No. She shouldn't do that.
How much is the brides family contributing towards the wedding?

Traditionally, the brides father picks up the bill. That's what mine did. I bought my own dress and flowers, accompanied by my sister. My mother opted to take a low profile. She was a wise woman. Tbh. My in laws had very little input. They turned up suited and booted. They looked good. I didn't care. My main focus was on getting married to my husband. I chose bridesmaids from my side of the family. I paid for their dresses.

Who paid for what was never discussed by anyone. Dad also paid for a free bar.

Things are very different now.
The bride and groom are usually older and financially stable. They set a budget and buy what they want. They make the plans. They decide. Parents usually make a donation towards the final costs. Often guests do too.

I am assuming, from your age,that brother is aged between 35- 48. He is old enough to make his own plans. And pay for them!

What have you bought as a wedding present?

Laugh emoji needed

Green is bad luck for the bride and the wedding party, bridesmaids etc. That's all.

When my aunt and uncle divorced after 20 years of marriage, my grandma blamed my mum (her DIL) for it because she’d worn a dress with green flowers on to the wedding 🙄

Why on earth is green bad luck?

No white/Ivory of any description (even when it looks nothing like a wedding dress). No Green.

Are there other colours I should be avoiding?

OMG. Again.

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. Is not for the groom! It's for the bride!!

Your mum is getting a bit carried away here. Is she compensating herself because she didnt have your wedding? She's not mother of the bride. She's mother of the groom. It's different!

It is usual for the bride to decide what the bridal party wears, including the colour of the men's ties. And possibly their shoes. I've never heard a debate about the grooms shoes. But hey ho, I've lived a sheltered life.

I missed the original shoe post but life is too short.

However, do please tell us more about this wedding. It's fascinating. Its the most drama packed wedding that i have encountered. We have several pages to go. You can always start a third thread.

Oooh you might have hit the nail on the head here. OP writes like my mother, who is known for being dramatic and everything has to be about her. She caused such a stink on my own wedding day, arguing with people, going missing during photos then being angry she’s in hardly any, and getting changed into a trashy dress for the evening… my only wedding regret is inviting her!

Never heard this! Most bridesmaids wear green these days, it’s the most popular colour. Red I’ve heard is a no as it stands out too much in photos and apparently signifies you’ve slept with the groom (not that I care for either reason, wear what you want outside of black and white unless otherwise asked)

You and your Mum sound like fucking nightmares and I wouldn't blame the couple if they massively cut back on contact with you.

Your Mum telling people she paid for a lot of the wedding so she can get "credit" is tacky.
Your remarks about "the bride" rather than your brother's future wife are rude.
Neither you or your Mum come out well here. I'll repeat my advice from the last thread; send your brother a picture of the actual dress you plan to wear and offer to change it if he and the bride aren't comfortable with you wearing it. It does come across very white in the picture you shared.

I have worn black to 2 weddings. The same dress. Once to an evening wedding, we had been requested to wear black tie. The dress was suitable for a black tie event.
The second wedding was late December. Again, it was suitable. The ceremony was in a chapel in the hotel grounds. It was very cold. The brides mother wore a grey brocade jacket and, from memory, black trousers, or black skirt. She looked lovely.
Of course, I wore jewellery which complimented the dress and fitted the occasion.
Everyone should have a little black dress.
I think hobbs has a black polka spot dress in stock. Just saying.

What an utterly ridiculous thing to say. Mum is a very busy woman. She doesn’t have time for online forums.

Op you are a bit odd.

Ffs another thread because you won't just admit defeat and not wear the fucking dress?

Grow up honestly. They asked you not to wear it so don't. Causing issues for your own family over a very ugly dress is just downright fucking selfish.

That’s an understatement!

No, she's too busy trying to insert herself into a wedding that is not hers. Not even if she contributed money to it. It is THEIR wedding. End of story.

Maybe just don't go if you're showing such disdain for the bride. I suspect she'll be relieved. Possibly your brother will be too so he doesn't have to deal with you being rude about his wife.

Busy, wealthy and knows more about manners than the rest of us ever will. Is she the Queen?

ETA and you have an obsession with royalty. I think I’m on to something!

I’ve not made this up. And I don’t know what the fuss is about. As many have said, the rules are about not wearing floor length gowns. These rules about white are totally made up and not even supported by industry standards. It is very common for women in my family to wear white to weddings. Keeping in mind my dress is FLORAL with a cream background. So not white. I think everybody is overreacting.

Glad the poll shows lots of people agree with me now that they have seen the dress from the start. Clearly it was my mistake to not share it straight away when I started the other thread.

They did not ask me not to wear it. They told my mum white would be inappropriate at the wedding. That’s not the same thing. My mum won’t be wearing white so they’ll get what they asked for.

The vast majority don’t though.

But you are going to wear it, aren’t you?

Are you refusing to show the bride your dress because she didn’t show you hers?

So if you're so sure that dress you have to wear is suitable then there's no problem sending a picture to your brother is there? So why haven't you done that if he's asked what you plan to wear?

You are a deeply unpleasant person. I hope someone accidentially spills blackcurrant juice all over your "not white its cream" dress.