AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding? Part 2.

[princesspicker]

Old thread nearly full. Some of you are saying if people had seen the dress straight away the votes would be 99% against me, let’s see about that. At least half the other thread say it’s fine to wear this dress.

From the old thread:

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding.

The dress: https://www.hobbs.com/product/carly-floral-dress/0126-5675-9022L00-CREAM-MULTI.html

BD’s gf (bride) saw a dress that is similar to my dress. She saw it at my mum’s. It has a pattern but with short sleeves and some ruffle. It is one of my dresses and I had left it at my mums house. It is not the dress I’ll wear for the wedding.

She called that dress white even though it has a pattern. She told mum that it would be inappropriate to wear for the wedding day. Mum and I think she pretended to think it was one of my mum’s options, since it was clearly not something mum would wear anywhere.

This all happened because my mum was showing her all the dress options she had in mind for herself for the wedding.

When bride raised this with mum, mum told her not to worry because she (mum) won’t wear white.

Which is true regardless of if you say the dress is white or cream or whatever.

After this happened, my brother started asking everyone what they would be wearing.

Old thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546975-aibu-to-wear-a-floral-dress-my-brothers-girlfriend-calls-white-to-their-wedding

This - it will cause bad feeling/fall outs for years, it’s just not worth it. You seem to be going out of your way to make this a problem.

Why don’t you just swap it for the pink version?

Is this rubbish still going? Are there really women like this out there? Just buy another dress FFS.

So trashy......just like her class free daughter. Your groom absolutely walked out on you.

Christ is this still going on with the op hurling abuse at her sister in law,

op your jealoosy of her is off the scale. Like seriously you need help.

This.

The bride at a wedding has indicated she really doesn't want anyone wearing a specific type of dress. Only someone prone to drama would then opt to wear exactly that.

Life is too short for manufacturing petty conflict that can so unbelievably easily be avoided. Why upset people, knowing you will do so, when not doing it is no skin off your nose in any way at all? Especially their wedding, when actually it is okay for it to be about them, because it is, in fact, about them - and you're just one of the chorus? Why not be graceful about it, consider your brother's feelings on what is in fact his wedding day, and wear something else?

This is bananas.

Wtf was your mom talking about???? Grooms don't DO the something old thing. Why is your mom buying YOU a white dress, and at the same time, expecting your brother to wear worn out shoes? Are you both trying to sabotage the wedding or something?

Have you bothered to read all of OPs posts?

If it was my wedding. You would be uninvited for saying I can't decide what people wear. Sorry but the day is about me, not you! When you have a wedding you can call the shots but not on my day thank you!

This is bonkers. Has the bride even seen the dress yet?

The dress is lovely, but brides opinions will differ. Why not just send your brother and his partner the link to check! None of us know them, and it’s not our opinions that matter.

They will either say yes or no, and you have plenty of time to find a substitute if they say no.

Have you seen the dress? It has way too much blank space. The white/cream, whichever, is very dominant.
You can feel puzzled/annoyed as to why it wouldn't be acceptable, just as OP is, and if you did wear it you'd be a jerk.
Anything that makes you stands out, including shades of white, is inappropriate. Anything the bride has asked not be done is off limits.

Why should they show respect and appreciation to you on their wedding day?

Ok, your mum is paying, but what are you doing for them?

If something, you should chose to be polite to her at least on their wedding day.
And yes, you well aware now that a big proportion of brides including your SIL would consider such a dress rude.

Hmmm I don’t think it’s particularly bridal but in this case is it not better to just swap it if it’s causing so much upset?

Your brother will be hurt by your disrespect for his wife.

It's not your wedding, it's not your mums wedding.

Do not wear the dress

Don't be that person trying to make someone elses wedding all about themselves.

To be honest, you're coming across as completely unhinged

I wouldn’t wear that as a wedding guest.

Even if you think the upset about this is unreasonable, why is it so important that you be ‘right’ and that you wear that dress? Some people are more bothered than others by these things but as it’s not your wedding and the bride is bothered just wear something else.

There is clearly an issue between you and the bride for whatever reason. The options re the wedding are (a) go and suck it up. You don’t need to like the bride or her choices. (b) give an excuse and don’t go.

Nothing is to be gained by faffing about the dress, it can only lead to fallout. If there are serious issues, then address those, not spend this long thinking about a dress.

Even if the bride is a 'bridezilla' and has told her husband-to-be he can't wear the shoes he wanted to, I think I feel sorry for her now!

OP you've clearly got a grudge against the bride given your language towards her - brat, self centred, selfish, entitled. You/your DM feel your DM should get a say in the planning because DM has paid 'a lot' of money towards it. And you are clearly miffed that neither you, nor your DD are bridesmaids/flower girl! So the dress you've picked is clearly a clumsy effort to look as though you're a bridesmaid and no doubt you've picked a similar outfit for your DD. The jealousy oozes off the thread.

You are clearly feeling affronted by a number of things the bride has said/done and feel the need to punish her and try and go against the flow to ruin the day. I'd say, if you wear that dress you're going against the brides wishes which you obviously want to do and you'll upset her and as a consequence your DB too. If that's what you want, crack on and wear it. Be prepared for consequences though. 🤷‍♀️

At least you'll have got your way even though you've single handedly alienated your sibling. No doubt you'll feel proud of yourself though...

Gee, I wonder why SIL doesn’t involve herself more with OP and her family?

It really is a mystery.

“Mum” seems extremely controlling.

He might be hurt by you deliberately trying to upset his wife though. Which you know wearing the dress would do.

Is it so hard to just be the bigger person?

1. The fact your mum contributed to the wedding has sod all to do you with what you personally are allowed to wear. Your mum contributed, not you, it’s irrelevant to the issue.
2. However, since you brought it up my in laws have gifted us some money for the wedding, we’re not going to be publicly crediting them, we’re not going to talk at all about what the wedding cost or how it was funded, because that’s tacky.
3. Thread 2?!? Get a life and stop shit stirring about your brothers wedding.

YABU OP.

The pink version is nicer anyway. Stop making this all about you. Are you jealous of your future SIL?

It would be incredibly bad taste for her to tell people she paid.

In my case, if my in laws went around saying that at my wedding it would embarrass my parents who can’t afford to contribute.

none of it is in good taste really, from the ops odd behaviour, her desire to make the wedding about her, the desire to wear a cream dress, the jealous abuse of her sister in law, the focus on money, and the rather odd enmeshment with her mother. It’s all rather distasteful

I think it’s very obvious she’s seething with jealousy.