AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding? Part 2.

[princesspicker]

Old thread nearly full. Some of you are saying if people had seen the dress straight away the votes would be 99% against me, let’s see about that. At least half the other thread say it’s fine to wear this dress.

From the old thread:

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding.

The dress: https://www.hobbs.com/product/carly-floral-dress/0126-5675-9022L00-CREAM-MULTI.html

BD’s gf (bride) saw a dress that is similar to my dress. She saw it at my mum’s. It has a pattern but with short sleeves and some ruffle. It is one of my dresses and I had left it at my mums house. It is not the dress I’ll wear for the wedding.

She called that dress white even though it has a pattern. She told mum that it would be inappropriate to wear for the wedding day. Mum and I think she pretended to think it was one of my mum’s options, since it was clearly not something mum would wear anywhere.

This all happened because my mum was showing her all the dress options she had in mind for herself for the wedding.

When bride raised this with mum, mum told her not to worry because she (mum) won’t wear white.

Which is true regardless of if you say the dress is white or cream or whatever.

After this happened, my brother started asking everyone what they would be wearing.

Old thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546975-aibu-to-wear-a-floral-dress-my-brothers-girlfriend-calls-white-to-their-wedding

OP - tbh it really doesn't matter whether any of us think it is a suitable dress (I would have been fine with a guest wearing it to my wedding). The key thing is that you know that it will upset your new SIL (and by extension probably your brother) on their wedding day if you wear this dress. Why would you make that decision? Is it that big a deal to you to wear it? Why would you actively choose to do something that you know is against the wishes of the bride and groom? Do you really care that much about the dress and that little about them?

I doubt this is real, but the dress is the least of your problems. You and your mum sound horrendous. I hope your brother and his wife move to a country several thousand miles away and start a new life away from your entitled, controlling asses. That’s what I’d be doing if I was them!

The more you've posted on BOTH threads, the more it has become clear this hasn't got anything to do with the dress.

Your behaviour is appalling, as is your mother's. It is clear the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree.

I feel very sad for the poor bride having to put up with you and your mother.
I hope she finds the strength to go very low contact very soon.

his “something old”

You've jumped the the shaft (again) 😂

But the OP hasn't been asked not to wear it by the bride! The bride hasn't seen the actual dress - she has seen a similar dress at OP's mother's house and proclaimed it to be too white. She hasn't aired this view to the OP about the actual dress that OP will be wearing. If I was OP I'd either wear the pleasant, but completely unremarkable dress that she's. selected until the bride actually voices her opinion to OP in person. Following which I would go out and buy the most show stopping humdinger of a dress that I could possibly find and let the entitled little Bridezilla put that in her pipe and smoke it!

Why? Upsetting a bride would be my worst nightmare, especially if they were about to become my sister in law.

I feel really sorry for this bride, marrying into such an utterly bonkers family with such a nasty SIL.

That's just rude, we all have different tastes.

That would be beyond rude. Why would you feel entitled to stick it to the bride? I'm sure irl you're not, but god it makes you sound awful.

Sorry so you are saying that all the big chain stores where every third wedding guest dress has a white or cream dress is wrong (Talking Debenhams, Lewis's etc)? All the designers are wrong too?

How about the guidance on Debrett's, biggest etiquette guide in the UK and been established for over 250 years, they are wrong? Oops yeah so google knows best!

Sources like Brides.com, The Knot, and Vogue Weddings all echo the same rule:
Allowed

• White background with bold florals
• Cream/ivory in a tailored or casual cut
• Polka dots, stripes, prints
• Short dresses, jumpsuits, or clearly “daywear” styles

Not allowed

• Anything long, floaty, lacy, or formal
• Cream/ivory floor‑length gowns
• Dresses that could look bridal in photos
• Anything with bridal fabrics (lace, chiffon, tulle, satin) in pale colours

When I asked CHAT GPT (first time I have used it) if a wedding guest could wear a white or cream floral dress to a wedding it replied:

"Yes, they can, but whether they should depends on how white or cream the dress appears overall.
A good rule of thumb is: if someone could glance at the dress from a distance and think it looks white, it's better to choose something else.
Here are some guidelines:

• Usually acceptable: A dress with a colorful floral print on a white or cream background, where the flowers dominate and the overall impression is colorful rather than white.
• Borderline: A cream dress with a delicate, sparse floral pattern. Even if it's technically patterned, it may still read as a bridal-inspired look.
• Best avoided: Dresses that are predominantly white, ivory, cream, or champagne with subtle floral detailing, lace, or an elegant silhouette that could compete with the bride's attire.

I look forward to the bride's inevitable post about her wedding day and the awful things that her in laws do.

And the OP's dress does not fit.
Regardless, the bride doesn't want anyone in a dress with white. Her prerogative.

So we agree that's OK then, as the dress is cream and floral.

Some of you are saying if people had seen the dress straight away the votes would be 99% against me, let’s see about that. At least half the other thread say it’s fine to wear this dress.

It's irrelevant.

The bride - not MN posters who don't read posts, or who were somehow brought up without being aware of this wedding etiquette - is who counts.

And she has said no to this sort of pale background dress.

I think it fine.
But the bride doesn't.
So there's your answer. Why cause agro?

I am 50/50 are your shoes hat etc colours of the flowers? That would make less white looking

Why can’t some people put the wants/needs/interests of others before their own just once. It’s someone else’s day, why go out of your way to make a negative impact? Wear something else.

That is personal opinion and the only opinion that should matter is the brides. Also it is widely known worry that people who wear white draw bad luck upon a wedding. Yes an old wives tale, but some people take these things seriously.

The OP clearly doesnt like the SIL, there is much more going on than this dress and she seems happy to cause drama. Why do something that will upset people.

Looks white to me and rhe bride may be in Ivory or cream. The OP doesnt like the SIL and seems hell bent on carrying through with something that will upset her. Nothing ok about it.

Are you the OP and have changed your username from @princesspicker

“Mum has spent a lot on them. It’s only fair that they show some respect and appreciation instead of policing what we wear.”

Respect? You’re not exactly respecting her, OP, by wearing a dress similar to one the bride has said is too white. I don’t understand the point of your thread - you ask if the dress is too white for a wedding: the majority of those answering say yes it is, choose another dress, and you dig in your heels and go off on one and call your future SIL “bridezilla”. You seem to think it’s acceptable wedding etiquette for your mother to tell all and sundry at the wedding that she has paid towards it (it isn’t, it’s just gauche); you castigate your brother for daring to buy a pair of new shoes for his own wedding - clearly, OP, you have a massive problem bound up with the fact that you didn’t get married; that you won’t be told by anyone that your dress is unsuitable if the bride has expressed dislike of a similar dress, and that you think you and your mother (the bride’s MIL) should have a say over things at the wedding that should be solely the bride’s choice. I pity your DB’s poor fiancée - she will certainly have the SIL from hell as you’ve made it very clear what you think about her. And I will say once again: if the bride has said a similar dress to the one you are proposing to wear is too white, then to wear such a dress is nothing short of antagonistic.

Your brother will be hurt by you flagrantly and deliberately disrespecting his bride's wishes on her wedding day. Purely from spite and entitlement.

This. 100% just swap it out. OP you and your mum both sound unreasonable.

I like the pink version also.

And I think the OP is well named.

First of all your brothers “fiancé” not girlfriend. You clearly don’t like the bride, probably because she is putting boundaries in place like don’t wear an inappropriate dress to my wedding. Are you really that selfish you want to wear something someone has asked you not to?
Your brother and his family (because that’s what she is she’s his family too) will hopefully go no contact with you asap because you and your mum sound toxic.