AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding? Part 2.

[princesspicker]

Old thread nearly full. Some of you are saying if people had seen the dress straight away the votes would be 99% against me, let’s see about that. At least half the other thread say it’s fine to wear this dress.

From the old thread:

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding.

The dress: https://www.hobbs.com/product/carly-floral-dress/0126-5675-9022L00-CREAM-MULTI.html

BD’s gf (bride) saw a dress that is similar to my dress. She saw it at my mum’s. It has a pattern but with short sleeves and some ruffle. It is one of my dresses and I had left it at my mums house. It is not the dress I’ll wear for the wedding.

She called that dress white even though it has a pattern. She told mum that it would be inappropriate to wear for the wedding day. Mum and I think she pretended to think it was one of my mum’s options, since it was clearly not something mum would wear anywhere.

This all happened because my mum was showing her all the dress options she had in mind for herself for the wedding.

When bride raised this with mum, mum told her not to worry because she (mum) won’t wear white.

Which is true regardless of if you say the dress is white or cream or whatever.

After this happened, my brother started asking everyone what they would be wearing.

Old thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546975-aibu-to-wear-a-floral-dress-my-brothers-girlfriend-calls-white-to-their-wedding

Yes, it is and is a long-standing tradition.

No you’re mistaken you can google, the etiquette is and always has been don’t wear white cream as it’s a brides signature colour to enable her to be the focus on her special day, it’s an age old etiquette born out of respect thay is still in place today, I understand many haven’t heard of it, which I find bizzare, or don’t understand it, but many have, it’s about half and half.

and if that demographic follows through then the op risks half the women there side eyeing her.

i also think in real life it’s very well known, much more than on here, as said I’ve been to three weddings this year already and not one woman was wearing white or cream, where as on mumsnet, it appears at the mere whiff of a wedding invite women are rushing down the shops to buy white dresses.

I thought you said they had no money, so why are you now calling them new money? And even if they are, so what? People born with a silver spoon in their mouth aren't superior to those not. You are so judgemental.

Because there simply isn't another suitable dress in any other colour. 🙄

Am I missing something? I read the first thread and I am now reading this one. Why is everyone being so vile?

I was not calling them new money. They’re no money. I meant people saying the shoes mum got him aren’t good enough for a groom because they are not new.

OP is just unkind. She’s clearly going to wear the dress regardless of opinion. She dislikes the bride and her dress choice despite the fact she shouldn’t actually know what the bride is wearingand is cross her children weren’t chosen to be bridesmaids (and herself probably too). She thinks her mum providing money means she should plan the wedding. She won’t show the bride her dress because she wants the day to be about her. She won’t consider an alternative colour purely through spite.
It’s a toxic, mixed up, crazy, shit situation.

Why are you obsessed with the royal family? Why do you keep banging on about what Kate would do?!

It is a lovely dress but have you considered that it is polyester which is not particularly heat-wave friendly? It seems though that you really dislike do not have a lot of love for your brother's choice of bride and so you are taking some pleasure in knowing that your choice of dress colour may upset her (at least, according to your mother)?

You do you but prepare for any potential consequences. What a shame though that you do not care enough for your brother to do all you can to make the day as lovely as possible for them. You seem to be making this all about you rather than the happy couple.

Your mum is kind in helping them with wedding costs, however this is between your mum and your brother and is none of your business. I can see that your 'defence' of your mum is fuelled by your own negative feelings around your brother's wedding, but although your mum may have paid for stuff it does not give her automatic 'rights' or say over the event. Her payments are a gift and a gift does not come with conditions.

No, its not social etiquette at all and never has been, the etiquette is that you do not outshine the bride, it’s the bridal effect that’s forbidden, not the colour white itself. This is well established and can be evidenced in the likes of Debrett's, which is the closed you will get to the "official" etiquette in the UK and they say Guests should avoid anything that could be confused with a wedding dress.

If you look at the wedding guest dresses in most of the major British Dept Stores, i.e John Lewis, Hobbs etc, every third dress has a cream or white background so evidently all the designers that design for these events are wrong too in your head.

Its irrelevant whether anyone likes it, if they think its nice, that is the OPs personal choice, the question is whether its OK to wear it for her Brother and SILs wedding, bearing in mind they have not seen it.

The Carly Floral Dress is cream‑based but heavily printed, the floral pattern dominates, so it doesn’t read as “white”. A day dress cut - not floor‑length, not bridal, not formal. Structured, not floaty- no chiffon, tulle, lace, or satin. Clearly fashion‑retail, not bridal‑adjacent - Hobbs designs wedding‑guest dresses, not bridal gowns.

But the OP knows her family better than we do so it depends if its a hill she wants to die on.

This is exactly the kind of dress that Debrett’s and every modern etiquette source says is perfectly acceptable. I would coordinate with a brighter coloured jacket and shoes and it would look fantastic.

Pretty sure Kate had new shoes for her wedding.
I thought the ‘something old’ etc was a tradition for the bride?

So still judgemental, just not only about them this time.

My favourite shoes for the last 3 years are not in any condition to be worn to a wedding, never mind my own. It's ok for him to get new shoes for his wedding. And you weren't part of that decision, because why would you be, so you don't know whether it was lead by him or his fiancée, or they both just agreed he needed new shoes.

Why is everyone defending the spoiled brat bride?

Maybe because she’s the BRIDE! One of the two actually most important in the wedding party.

It’s their day. There is no reason for them to involve anyone else in their planning unless they choose to do so.

Why would the bride, who you so childishly keep referring to as brat want to include someone so hostile in the plans for what should be one of the happiest days of her life?

I think you need to think how you want this to end.

You may or may not be right about the dress- but is being right more important than family relationships?

Weddings do crazy things to people - I would just suck this up for the greater good, for the longer term and just be the bigger person.

The tradition of a white wedding dress in the UK began in 1840, when Queen Victoria married Prince Albert. She defied royal norms by wearing a striking white gown made of Honiton lace, sparking a trend that would eventually become a global standard.

That aside, in OP's case, she is awRe her future SiL doesn't want anyone else to wear white, a white background etc. That should be the end of it.

Considering it is a long-standing tradition, anyone who decides to wear some kind of white dress, imho, is rude and has a streak
of "Look at me."

Dh and I paid for parts of our dd1s wedding. We did not and will not take any "credit" it was a gift and the gift came with no strings attached. We also did not discuss our gift with her siblings as its none of their business.

You know that the bride -who you clearly dislike from the use of words like "brat" & "entitled". - Doesnt want you to wear the dress.
You hide behind the bride stating this to your mother who lied to her dil-to-be by ommision (Stating it was not her dress but omitting that it was your's-or as you claim one similar too) frankly neither you nor your mother comes across well in this.

It doesn't matter if you dont think its a problem you KNOW the bride thinks it is. So if you care at all about your brother (and frankly I am not sure you do from how you have posted about him and his bride to be) then find another dress and stop making this all about YOUR wishes.

This is not about you or your mother.

That's usually where she would get a thank you in the groom's speech. It is crass if she goes around telling people.

Like your insistence on wearing a dress you have been told is inappropriate.

I am calling troll. No one is genuinely this deluded.

The OP has been rather unpleasant in both threads. And directed some rather inflammatory comments about her soon to be SIL. It's really clear she is getting a kick out of potentially upsetting the bride and/or causing a scene at her brother's wedding.

Though it's also possible this is all a wind up to get people annoyed.

Has anyone else noticed that the OP is not responding to my post? She's responded to everyone else's. I ask why she is starting a fight with her soon-to-be sister-in-law. Zero response from OP.

OP, why are you starting this fight with your almost sister-in-law? P*ssed off at your brother? Not a fan of her? What's the real story?

We can all see the dress is relentlessly average. Definitely not remarkable enough to fight over, so what's the real scoop? What's your actual problem? Or are you just churning for the numbers using a wedding doesn't actually exist?

I think the dress is fine but it's not worth upsetting the bride over and causing friction on the wedding day. Can't you just keep it for another occasion and get one in a other colour for the wedding?

She has responded to me but not actually answered most questions.

The main one I still want to know is why she thinks the cream version of the dress is more special than the other colours it comes in.

Op, a word of advice, your problems are much more than a dress choice. It doesn’t really matter what you wear to your brothers wedding. I don’t think you’ll be able to hide your obvious dislike of his wife. Im sure your relationship with them won’t last till they cut the cake.

Agreed. She totally refuses to engage in suggestions of alternative colours. She just wants to wind up her sil.

Are you sure she would care if you wear that? Perhaps she just doesn’t want the MIL wearing that sort of colour as she will be photo’d alongside the bride and groom. I think the dress is absolutely fine for a guest, but if the bride has an issue with YOU wearing it, I would choose something else and just think she is being a bit of a twat. 😂

Honestly I’m not surprised they don’t involve the family more if your family is like you. Your responses are vile. Wishing you all the best but you really need to get some help (and maybe don’t go to the wedding…)