Should I ask my neighbours if we can have designated times to sit in the garden?

[Guarddogdaschunds]

I will preface by saying that it is possible this heatwave has affected my rational thinking. So I will bite- I am so sick of listening to my neighbours having their dinner in the garden and having to listen to their booming voices for hours on end. It has reached the stage where we feel relegated indoors, especially in the evenings.

We live in a new build in close proximity to our neighbours so can hear everything as you can imagine. They are a couple in their early 30's (I think), no kids. The man with the booming voice works from home and has taken to working from his garden throughout the day, often vaping. My kids are off school, trying to make the best of the time off and I really don't think they should have to hear the details of his teams meetings. Surely he should work inside and allow people peaceful enjoyment of their gardens? I have never worked from home, but wouldn't it be considered a GDPR breach if others can hear?

They have had friends over for BBQs the previous 2 nights and have been sitting outside chatting until around 9pm. The BBQ smell lingered for so long and of course they were all vaping and drinking alcohol. One of their friends was regaling them with tales of her dating escapades-hardly an appropriate topic for my 9 year old to have in earshot. I also don't want my kids damaging their lungs inhaling all of those disgusting vape particles. The women have also been prancing around in very skimpy bikinis. I know women are entitled to wear what they want, but come on-all the neighbours can see if they look outside their upstairs windows! I'm also concerned as yesterday, the visiting friends were there for several hours and appeared to drive themselves home- were they over the limit?

On both occasions, I have brought my kids inside, as I don't want them to hear the sordid details of their conversations. I also feel awkward that they are only a few metres away from me, so I don't want to have my dinner outside in case they listen to our conversation. Would I be unreasonable to pop over or post a note through their door requesting that we have an outdoor mealtime rota so we can all enjoy our gardens in peace-as we are entitled to?

You're being absurd.

If the kdis want to go I ntbe garden, let them go and make whatever noise they want. Don't stop them cos he's working.

Bikini, stop staring out your window at them fgs. But also, everything is covered so it's hary going to corrupt them if they catch sight of a thigh or stomach.

The gaping, you could reasonably ask if they could vape away from your fence.

The noise etc, sounds like they'd be unable to listen to your conversation anyway so seems odd not to go out because of that.

Can you move your table away fro their side?

I think people need to acknowledge that there is quite a lot of problematic behaviour too and more frequently these days. Constant loud music with speakers, smoke, vape and weed smells, power tools, huge barbeques, giant trampolines, film screens in gardens, hot-tubs. We have several local houses with public PA systems for their garden parties - that really isn't okay - but still really hard to deal with.

People seem to be both more entitled, less considerate and the size, volume of kit and frequency of use has gone up, hence it being harder to let it go when you are subject to it. It's not just on a bank holiday or an occaisional weekend anymore it can be every day/constant. Gardens are not really private in most housing - they are semi-public and there does need to be some level of social contract.

Also, none of those things are really suitable for terrace living - we are all simply too close to be able to indulge every whim and tolerate other people's. What is appropriate and considerate needs navigation on both sides.

But yeah, just stop looking/breathing/listening silly!

Haha, yeah. I've never seen a person prancing before. Maybe OP should stop borderline stalking her neighbours?!

Imagine if they were saying this many nasty remarks about her?! I bet they're not.

She makes herself sound like a jealous misogynist with the prancing bikini comment!

You do sound crazy to me, to be honest!
Just get out in the garden and have your own games and barbecue. The children playing will be occupied with their own game and not listening to the neighbour.
You cannot offer a garden use rota, tell them what to do in their property, go around spying on what they and their friends do.. you say they left at 9 pm! That is completely reasonable.
Just live your own life! How can be teaching your children to be a miserable gossip be of any help to them?

Im fascinated- what kind of prancing?

Wow 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 just wow

I would hate this too OP. But thats why we live rurally where the nearest neighbour is out of earshot…however, slow internet, have to drive absolutely everywhere, constant taxi service for the teens, limited deliveries etc etc so swings and roundabouts! It’ll soon be cold and raining again.

Um this you too OP?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546938-aibu-to-think-neighbours-should-not-be-naked-in-their-garden

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546418-to-ask-my-neighbour-to-bring-her-laundry-in

To all those suggesting that people should move to the middle of nowhere if they don’t like neighbour noise - get real!
I actually live in the middle of nowhere. About 15 years since there was a property sale in the area!
We need German-style by-laws as people seem to no longer be able to control themselves and behave reasonably.

Seriously??? You live in new build close gardens etc, then this is to be expected.
Let your children play in the garden, whack some music on for them to drown out next doors conversation - maybe next door might realise how loud they’re being?

I’d warn the other neighbours then put on the radio loudly, at least when he’s working outside. Fight fire with fire.

Unclench OP 🤣

Are you the same poster that was asking if they were being unreasonable to ask the neighbour to bring in their sexy lingerie from the washing line? Don't be daft OP.

Sometimes we just have to get on with our own lives, stop judging, accept some people are morons and others are okay and more our tribe.
Stop watching your neighbours it's annoying at least and at worst creepy to be on the receiving end of it.
My elderly neighbour used to do this and has since died [not lonely always had visitors but just bloody nosy and was known for it locally] I'm not sorry he's gone it, just means I'm not facing constant interrogation every time I step out the door.
He was like a spider in a web and we were the flies. Snoopy and sneaky neighbours are horrible.
Is there a bit of jealousy with the bikini comment? Ignore them and get on with your life.

Get a grip. You’re the pain not them

Definitely unreasonable and possibly not even a reliable narrator about the level of noise etc given how intolerant you are.

vaping - I’m not a fan myself, but is the vape really coming into your garden and your kids inhaling it? Or do you just think they can inhale the fumes from the other garden?

They can wear what they like or even nothing at all in their own garden. And if they want to “prance” (or walk, dance, twerk, star jump, run, etc.) they are allowed to.

They are allowed friends around. They are allowed a bbq. They are allowed to talk and laugh together - only til 9pm is extremely reasonable of them.

If he wants to sit outside to work he can do. It wouldn’t be unreasonable of you to let him know you can hear him talking about work as he might not realise how loud he is - especially if there is anything confidential.

Just use your garden. If you sit and eat dinner, chat together and you won’t hear him. Obviously if you sit in silence, anything he does over there is going to be heard by you.

Yabu

What!!!!! Move somewhere isolated.

Time for you to move house.
Your home obviously does not suit you.
New builds are what they are….

Other option is to be equally annoying and have your kids play outside VERY NOISILY all the time, play music YOU enjoy and treat the garden as freely as they treat theirs.

Get out in your garden and make your own noise.

It’s 3 days. It will rain next week.
When he’s on a work call get the kids screaming and shouting and kicking a ball against the fence