Should I ask my neighbours if we can have designated times to sit in the garden?

[Guarddogdaschunds]

I will preface by saying that it is possible this heatwave has affected my rational thinking. So I will bite- I am so sick of listening to my neighbours having their dinner in the garden and having to listen to their booming voices for hours on end. It has reached the stage where we feel relegated indoors, especially in the evenings.

We live in a new build in close proximity to our neighbours so can hear everything as you can imagine. They are a couple in their early 30's (I think), no kids. The man with the booming voice works from home and has taken to working from his garden throughout the day, often vaping. My kids are off school, trying to make the best of the time off and I really don't think they should have to hear the details of his teams meetings. Surely he should work inside and allow people peaceful enjoyment of their gardens? I have never worked from home, but wouldn't it be considered a GDPR breach if others can hear?

They have had friends over for BBQs the previous 2 nights and have been sitting outside chatting until around 9pm. The BBQ smell lingered for so long and of course they were all vaping and drinking alcohol. One of their friends was regaling them with tales of her dating escapades-hardly an appropriate topic for my 9 year old to have in earshot. I also don't want my kids damaging their lungs inhaling all of those disgusting vape particles. The women have also been prancing around in very skimpy bikinis. I know women are entitled to wear what they want, but come on-all the neighbours can see if they look outside their upstairs windows! I'm also concerned as yesterday, the visiting friends were there for several hours and appeared to drive themselves home- were they over the limit?

On both occasions, I have brought my kids inside, as I don't want them to hear the sordid details of their conversations. I also feel awkward that they are only a few metres away from me, so I don't want to have my dinner outside in case they listen to our conversation. Would I be unreasonable to pop over or post a note through their door requesting that we have an outdoor mealtime rota so we can all enjoy our gardens in peace-as we are entitled to?

Yes, but did you prance about?

They sound annoying 100 percent. I understand. My neighbours are annoying as FUCK!!!!!!

Ultimately though I could move house. And they’re not totally disruptive where I would consider doing that. We just stick our music on really loud now to drown out their voices in the garden and they tend to get the hint. They dominate the space so I just think fuck it, I’ll up the ante.

also don't want my kids damaging their lungs inhaling all of those disgusting vape particles

I think that is reasonable. Maybe have a word with them about that. I wouldn’t want my kids inhaling all of that shit repeatedly either.

It would be an utterly barking mad thing to do. But neighbours are the luck of the draw. So I do sympathise.

This would help I think - https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/89233782?ecasOpenPanel=true#/?channel=RES_BUY

My god chill out and stop being so judgmental - interesting you don't comment on what the men were wearing or not wearing. If the vape smoke is coming through, that is a fair request to ask they move away from your fence to vape. otherwise, talking outside til 9pm is completely reasonable. i bet your kids don't understand the conversation, and I bet they've made enough noise themselves!
Move to somewhere rural if you don't like it.

Yes the heat has got to you! But there are a couple of things you can do.

Every time he has his teams meetings send the kids out with the strict instructions to be very noisy against that boundary. Think water fight, bouncy ball etc

When their friends talk about their sex lives shout back " Oy, my kids can hear every word you are saying and it's not appropriate." If they persist then "If school drags me in, I'll refer the authorities directly to you" . If they continue then there's not much you can do unfortunately.

The rest of it is down to close living and if it's really getting to you then it's time to move unfortunately.

And also, the calls are annoying, but unless he is discussing identifiable people's personal information it is not a GDPR breach.

Yeah but the folks at the back might have an all night summer Ceilidh? 😉
It's a lovely house though, those views!

YABU to expect it to be quiet in the back garden, it’s not possible. So I would look into long term solutions for the future but I wouldn't put any notes, it wont help.
Just encourage your children to play noisy games outside and switch on music.
If neighbours ask you to turn it down reply with polite no ( prepare in advance) but don’t mention their actions, don’t make it tit for tat.
I wouldn’t shout anything while they’re talking about their sex life, I would again encourage kids to produce noise and make it known that you were there.

P.S. your mistake was to mention bikinis in your post 😆

I think people are really harsh on here and the OP deserves some sympathy. Her solution might not be quite reasonable, but feeling really beleagured by neighbour noise is upsetting and exhausting. It can be be really dominating in your life and home - even just kids playing.

Also all this easy "don't look" - how does that actually work? Physical blinkers? Holding your head in one direction only? You can look away yes, but it's very close and noisy and actually often feels like it's in your own house/garden.

Our neighbours have recently raised the deck outside their house and have large glass doors on the back so suddenly it feels like we are basically in their kitchen and the noise levels have gone up a lot, the fence is effectively lower between us and I they can see right into us - ie me washing up in my pants.

I think there are two things - one is of course setting your own reasonable limitations - up to 9 is okay, a word about inappropriate/work conversations in front of young kids maybe, smell from vaping? I think I would perhaps mention these gently. But beyond that you have to really let it go as the inevitablitlity of living v close to other people. I have had to work at it too, and it does feel tough initially. (incidentally reading all the neighbour issues on Mumsnet actually made it worse for me - I got so furious! yet hear I am).

Second thing is can you plant anything? I am about to order trellice and some sturdy climbers - they are surprisingly effective as sound and smoke buffers - though obviously may take a while to grow.

The trellis is a good idea @Hummusfiend- even if it doesn't work this year, it'll help with the ever increasing heatwaves.
I think it's fine to mention the vaping, but everything else just leave.

Meh, neighbours can be annoying but it’s just part of living amongst other people.
My old neighbours were very antisocial so we moved. Our new neighbours can be a bit loud, one hosts his clients all through summer involving boring golfing chat and watching their outdoor TV but they’re nice and helpful too.
I would hate to live somewhere completely isolated so putting up with occasionally annoying neighbours is the payoff.

I’ve been too hot to prance in my garden in a bikini or otherwise 🥵

Seriously they are not doing anything wrong in their use of their garden. Your idea of suggesting a rota is, quite frankly, batshit crazy but try it and see what they say.

We live in a terrace which is sandwiched between a railway line and main road. Add to that the kids in the various gardens, the fire station a couple of doors down and the smell of the next door but one neighbours weed wafting over the fence. You’d hate it OP, but our friends, who live right next to a busy main road going through our village, come round and say how quiet it is in our garden.

The trick here is to use this scenario to teach your children. You may not like what they are doing but you cannot control it so rather than try to organise who sits outside when and what they talk about it's a good idea to have a chat with your kids about adult conversation, privacy, sharing space with others... whatever you like really. The lesson is you can't control others so teach your children instead how to deal with these situations. HTH

Haha, op, maybe this is your neighbour as such this poster beleives it’s fully reasonable for you to ask for a garden use rota. 😂

Mirror his behavior- full on loud conversations, kids parties in the garden, music, etc. He will reach out himself

I think that's a good point about being tolerant (not a pushover, but just understanding differences).
You just have to live and let live, but do something if it becomes unreasonable.

You are completely deluded. Go live on your own deserted island, problem solved.

I don't think you can ask that, but I do feel your pain - our neighbours really dominate the outdoor space and it can make it difficult to enjoy our garden. People on here will say 'it's normal', 'they can do what they want in their own space', blah blah blah - I think that if you live in a terrace/semi-detached then yes, you should expect some of all that. But I also think that if you live in a terrace/semi-detached then you should also expect to adapt your behaviour a bit to be considerate of neighbours. BBQ every other weekend, stop noise at a reasonable hour so people can sleep with windows open without hearing rubbish music. People have become more inconsiderate imo.

You can always take your kids into the garden & sing..

wind the bobbin up.

Of course you can’t!

Is that right?

I did wonder when the OP said that their DC were off school.

Surprise surprise op has vanished

This. Good luck with the note though - let us know how that goes ..

YABU, but I wouldn’t want my DC hearing all that either. Sadly people are far less quiet and considerate nowadays.

I’d just echo a PP- give your DC water guns and start playing children’s music. That should give the neighbours pause for thought. If they ask you to keep it down then you can tell them you’re doing it to mask their loud noise next door.