Should I ask my neighbours if we can have designated times to sit in the garden?

[Guarddogdaschunds]

I will preface by saying that it is possible this heatwave has affected my rational thinking. So I will bite- I am so sick of listening to my neighbours having their dinner in the garden and having to listen to their booming voices for hours on end. It has reached the stage where we feel relegated indoors, especially in the evenings.

We live in a new build in close proximity to our neighbours so can hear everything as you can imagine. They are a couple in their early 30's (I think), no kids. The man with the booming voice works from home and has taken to working from his garden throughout the day, often vaping. My kids are off school, trying to make the best of the time off and I really don't think they should have to hear the details of his teams meetings. Surely he should work inside and allow people peaceful enjoyment of their gardens? I have never worked from home, but wouldn't it be considered a GDPR breach if others can hear?

They have had friends over for BBQs the previous 2 nights and have been sitting outside chatting until around 9pm. The BBQ smell lingered for so long and of course they were all vaping and drinking alcohol. One of their friends was regaling them with tales of her dating escapades-hardly an appropriate topic for my 9 year old to have in earshot. I also don't want my kids damaging their lungs inhaling all of those disgusting vape particles. The women have also been prancing around in very skimpy bikinis. I know women are entitled to wear what they want, but come on-all the neighbours can see if they look outside their upstairs windows! I'm also concerned as yesterday, the visiting friends were there for several hours and appeared to drive themselves home- were they over the limit?

On both occasions, I have brought my kids inside, as I don't want them to hear the sordid details of their conversations. I also feel awkward that they are only a few metres away from me, so I don't want to have my dinner outside in case they listen to our conversation. Would I be unreasonable to pop over or post a note through their door requesting that we have an outdoor mealtime rota so we can all enjoy our gardens in peace-as we are entitled to?

oh my word so much to unpack here but think others have said it all. Stick some music on in your garden and go enjoy it and let your kids enjoy it too. Focus on yourself and your family

A rota for them to use their own garden?
You're hilarious 😆
The women are prancing... Or just wearing a a bikini. Says more about you than it does them. Why ever should they not wear a bikini?
And you have no idea what the person driving was drinking. Could have been non alcoholic beer.

How close are these gardens that you think the vape will reach your kids

Obviously you can't ask them this, no. Nothing to stop you and your children remarking loudly to yourselves about things they've overheard however. Or striking up a casual conversation next time you pass on the drive,

"Tom did you get that crisis sorted out about the contracts? Sounded like a nightmare!"

"Amy, your friend is SO funny- when she told how her date did xyz I nearly wet myself laughing"

If they protest..."oh sorry, can't help but overhear when we're all out in our gardens in this heat!"

Joking aside OP sounds upset and stressed out about it but she really needs to unclench.
Her brain is so locked onto these incidents she's going to send herself into a downward tail spin.
The problem is that if you are quiet and have certains ideas about things, any thing that deviates from your normal will be more jarring. If her kid doesn't run around the garden screaming and yelling, suggesting he starts to isn't going to happen becuaue OP won't allow it.
Most people aren't going to be interested in their neighbours conversation in the garden, there is no need to be judgy about what others are drinking, unless OP is pouring the drinks how does she know what they are drinking?
I'd be more annoyed if they were swigging lager and lopping the cans over the fence. They seem okay as neighbours, not to OP's taste but then everyone is different.

Ahhh ok 😁

I’m officially bikini-ing wrong.

Sorry OP you cant do this! I am very sympathetic tho, this is exactly why we moved from our last house (also new build so lots of gardens abutting each other, no trees or hedges to absorb sound). There were 6 gardens all kind of joined onto each other in our bit. Everyone bar our NDNs was considerate, you could hear kids playing, people talking and having bbqs, music on low, all fine.

Apart from our NDN. As soon as the weather got nice they would move their entire life outdoors. Work calls, personal calls, arguments, music at a volume that meant noone else could hear their own music, their kid playing ball games against the fence for hours on end etc etc. Nothing you could really class as ASBO behaviour or complain about, just very selfish and inconsiderate of everyone else trying to use their gardens. Most evenings everyone else just went indoors as it was so unenjoyable, we barely used our garden the last few summers.

I’m om the fence with this one ( no pun intended).

everyone is allowed to be in their garden and sadly new builds are what they are with regards to close proximity which you knew when you bought the house?

however, those crude conversationz shouldn’t really be in had loudly in the garden when you know you’ve got children next door. It’s like when I’m out and about and see children I don’t like to swear infront of them.

what I’d suggest is when you’re hearing those conversations is to just play some loud music in the garden to drown it out. If they then complain (I expect they might) you can say that you needed to to do something so your children could he in the garden without hearing ‘x y and z’.

What is the main issue? The noise?
When one thing is difficult to live with them every other little detail that you might otherwise ignore feels magnified too. eg The comment about the bikinis seems a bit petty.

We have neighbours either side. The neighbours to one side have two children that play football in the garden and play on the trampoline. From time to time they have friends round for a BBQ and there is a normal level of noise and music. We've never ever felt like this normal level of enjoying the garden has changed our enjoyment of also being outside.

On the other side, the radio is constantly on and they shout to each other above the radio. Because it feels constant, every other little thing they do is starting to irritate too.
I'm all too aware that if we put our own music on as some have recommended on here, then our 'good' neighbours are affected.

So I do understand where you are coming from with your post.

You should have moved to an area where you could afford a more secluded property.

Assuming this isn't a wind up...

I'm sure your kids are perfect silent angels who never make ANY noise, right OP?

What you've described is just living in a row of houses. Nothing they're doing sounds unreasonable. Unclench.

OP should be grateful they're not frolicking naked in the hot tub with their mates (which of course is fine on MN: they're just bodies and kids shouldn't look out of windows if they don't want to see tits and todgers on display!) like one of yesterday's nuttier posts!
The one thing I would do is mention that unfortunately you can hear every detail of the Teams meeting and you're concerned that workplace confidentiality is being breached. That might at least stop the loud work calls.

Neighbours can be very difficult at times, in particular in the warm weather. I am fed up of my next-door Neighbours noise too. They have a huge pool in garden and have about 8 kids and 5 adults there for 8 hrs a day. The horses are small so the noise in horrendous. Will be moving.

I voted YABU op on the having designated times question as I think really that would be completely unreasonable.

I do second some of the suggestions that your DC make use of the garden and do NOT worry about any noise they make as your neighbours are being a little inconsiderate imo. But you really can’t request times they vacate. Get the kids out there enjoying the garden with water, noise and yes maybe a little music.

Do you think your DC are fully registering the sordid details and being disturbed by it or not really because again I don’t think this is a reason to bring them in.

I think YANBU to be irritated by it all though.

The horses?

I once tried prancing about in my dressing gown but I fell over.

Get the boom box out..enjoy the weather. Leave your neighbours to themselves.
It's unconscionable that you would approach them .
You could always blindfold your children and give them noise cancelling headphones.
Or move house..far far away from anyone

You are obviously looking down your nose at your neighbours. Lingering smells of a BBQ? What are you on about? Don’t they smell nice?? Entertaining until 9pm! 9pm!! Whatever next!

Brace yourself for tomorrow night OP - there’s an England game on. You may hear some cheering, possibly laughing.

Wow. Sorry but I don’t think your neighbours are doing anything wrong. They are using their garden as intended and frankly I think your behaviour is weird. I vape and can confirm outside you’ve hardly got clouds of smoke bellowing down on you. Prancing about in skimpy bikinis - clearly you’re slightly obsessed and watching them from upper windows which is really weird behaviour. Do you want them to wear jumpers? It’s literally boiling.

If you want peace quiet and privacy, you choose a home which will give you that.

Now I had an actual nightmare neighbour once - would have loud raves until 3-4am on a weekend, smoking weed outside which blew into our house and then would progress to having loud animalistic sex in his bedroom which bordered my bedroom. And that was better night - other nights were fights breaking out in the house during his parties. Many sleepless nights. All during covid too. Many police visits and when he eventually moved out I decided to peep through the window to see the damage before the rental company took it back - wow. Carpets had red wine and fag burns all over it. God knows what the rest of the house looked like. Garden was fully overgrown.

YABVVU.

everyone knows that the only time grown women 'prance' is naked in female only changing rooms.

Yep I'm afraid (as previous posters have said) time for YOU to pack up and move on. Preferably to a remote location.

I disagree. I think the neighbour is being an inconsiderate (or bafflingly low self-aware) twonk. It’s important to teach kids what noise is acceptable and what could become irritating, either in volume or length of exposure, and I think a lot of neighbours are really good eggs who understand this. Those that don’t, or won’t, need it explaining to them, but if it ever gets to this point then you’re probably trying to polish a turd in the etiquette stakes. Intelligence, not wealth, is the key - it takes a certain intelligence to understand that the sustained, loud noise of your existence could be problematic, and it takes intelligence to then try to be helpful rather than aggressively entitled in your response.
OP, I don’t think you’ll get anywhere appealing to the better nature of your neighbours, but, as a PP has suggested, telling him that you can hear every detail of his meeting might be a way forward. But then it is incredibly hot - I’d wait to do this next week, if it’s still going on.

If you are seriously considering this you are insane.

What part of what OP has described is inconsiderate behaviour? Sounds like humans using their garden as intended, to me.