AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding?

[princesspicker]

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding. His gf saw my dress and said she thought it was inappropriate because she claims it’s white. The reality is that it’s not white, it has a red and green floral pattern. I don’t really have time to find a new dress but my brother keeps asking me if I’ve found something new, saying he and his gf are worried other guests will talk about me behind my back if I show up wearing something white (it’s not white!!). I think it’s so rude that they’re trying to police what I wear, especially when they know I had to call off my wedding last year and he’s my brother so I should get to wear something special to his wedding!

That's what's being going through my mind.

I mean she is the bride so I would probably listen to her:

You sound like you’re making it an issue tbh. The bride hasn’t seen your dress, so why not just tell her “‘my mum mentioned you saw a white dress, don’t worry I’m not wearing white”…. Problem solved

Yes this

If she felt the need to cover for you, you clearly have a dress that most would consider white.

She posted one with flowers on it and then said it wasn’t her dress

Oh FFS…..

Because, as I said earlier if you had actually bothered to read the thread, I didn’t want to share all this detail in the OP because I don’t want to out myself. But everyone moaning about it being a wind up or reverse which it is NOT so I’ve added all this detail even though I don’t think it’s important. The dress has got a floral pattern so it’s not white, and that’s what I’m trying to get views on!

’his girlfriend saw my dress’

The dress has got a floral pattern so it’s not white, and that’s what I’m trying to get views on!

So SHOW US THE DRESS so you can get proper views on it? Are you flat out on chat gpt now trying to edit the dress so it doesn't look as white? 😅

Lol

Who has seen the dress and said its too white?

If no one has actually seen it, are you jumping to assumptions.

Or is it actually white?

The dress has got a floral pattern so it’s not white, and that’s what I’m trying to get views on!

Yes, you keep saying that, but unless we see it, we don't know. You might be completely reasonable, or your idea of floral is a couple of daisies at the wrists. The fact that even your mother has to cover for you, hints that you're not being completely honest about it's non-whiteness.

Honestly, if going to a wedding is going to cause conniptions because a bride is so insecure she won’t be the centre of attention, I’d rather show up in something gothic and funereal with a very long black veil across my face to make my point.

Wear something nice that you like. Don’t give a fuck about anyone else’s opinion.

Why don’t you just send a picture of the actual dress to your brother and his girlfriend? Who is actually his fiancé?

but you list me at you deserve to wear something special as you didn’t get married, which is the vibe they are probably getting from you!

You haven't shared the dress pic but just from the description, a white based dress with floral pattern would remain prevailingly white to the eye unless the pattern is incredibly busy.

The fiancee of your brother had expressed its too white based on seeing a similar dress, and expressing that that dress would be too white for a wedding. So that should be enough of a hint really. I wasn't fussed myself if anyone turned up to my wedding in white, it would have reflected weirdly on them but you can't deny there is an etiquette in UK weddings where you avoid white unless dress code explicitly includes it.

Obviously you can wear it, and maybe tone down white with a shawl or pashmina sort of thing, but what is also relevant is the cut of the dress. If its a gown style cut then yes it could be seen as bridal. If its a summery just below the knee dress then it's a summery floral, fit for a guest, but if it's in anyway floor length or bridal then for sure no, not appropriate for a guest, even the sister of the groom.

You have 3 options

• Go, but wear a different outfit.
• Go, wearing the floral dress and risk upsetting the bride, and risk having a strained relationship with your brother and his wife forever.
• Don’t go, and risk having a strained relationship with your brother and his wife forever.

FWIW, If it was my wedding I’d have no problem with someone wearing a floral patterned dress that had white on it. But granted it’s not my wedding; and I’ve come across many bridezillas in my time.

If I was you, I’d suck it up and pick option 1. Wear the floral dress to another event or on holiday.

So the background is not white? if the background is white it makes it a white dress, can you see the logic in that?

Look maybe I am wrong but I am not sure why you want to pretend you are getting married because your wedding was called off, otherwise I am not sure why you are so insistent on wearing a white dress is all about

Because it’s similar to the dress she saw and she called that white so I can’t say what you’ve suggested now can I?

Precisely.

I find it fascinating why some women insist on wearing white dresses (albeit with a bit of pattern on) to a wedding when they have literally any other colour to choose from. It does come across as attention seeking to many people (me included.)

The fact that OP shoehorned in that her own wedding was cancelled and she deserves to wear something special doesn't convince me otherwise.

If mum is discussing OP's dress with the bride to be then it is clearly inappropriate. There would literally be no reason to otherwise.

Wait so the bride hasn't actually seen the dress and hasn't said anything more than a general comment to your mum about how she thinks guests at weddings shouldn't wear white? Why are you assuming this is about your dress?

So, the bride thinks that your dress is white. In that case, you shouldn't wear it.

Mum has helped them pay for things so I think it’s weird they’re making demands of us about what to wear

i think unless you post a photo of the dress or material it’s a white dress. If it was not white as you are insisting you would post a photo of it. You clearly know it’s white.

eh? Toy said she’s seen then dress? Then she hasnt. I mean either way, I f multiple people are calling you out on the dress just pop to next and get another.

and you say - you want to be special- I’m sorry your wedding was cancelled but this is not YOUR special day and you’d do well to remember that