AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding?

[princesspicker]

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding. His gf saw my dress and said she thought it was inappropriate because she claims it’s white. The reality is that it’s not white, it has a red and green floral pattern. I don’t really have time to find a new dress but my brother keeps asking me if I’ve found something new, saying he and his gf are worried other guests will talk about me behind my back if I show up wearing something white (it’s not white!!). I think it’s so rude that they’re trying to police what I wear, especially when they know I had to call off my wedding last year and he’s my brother so I should get to wear something special to his wedding!

This
i really feel for the bride and groom to be
they should have got married abroad and not told anyone.

So? It's still ridiculous to me that that matters to anyone. It's got quite a lot of white on it. Still isn't all white.

If I didn't have this and the similar MN threads for context then anyone showing that dress to me and asking if I thought it was "too white" would just have me baffled as to what they were seeing that I'm not.

YANBU. That is not a white dress. I have worn floral dresses with a white background to several weddings as have many of my friends and family. As long as the pattern is visible it clearly is not a white dress. In no way does it look like a wedding dress.

Just tell your brother that he has no idea what you are wearing, it is not a white dress and to leave you alone.

Maybe op showed her dress to the bride?
In any case, now brides has told her the dress is inappropriate and if op wears she will cause an offence. Yes she can completely ignore what bride says but is it really worth it for a dress?

But OP’s attending her brothers wedding, not yours so if she goes ahead after her conversation with brother and his fiancée, she is going to offend them.

They don't have the right to police what everyone wear. Don't invite anyone if your that worried. Awful, controlling behaviour.

Maybe because it’s not yours mums wedding!!! She is not getting married. The only people who have a say in the wedding are the 2 people getting married. If your mum has decided to gift them money for the wedding, that it was it is. A gift. Not a payment to take over.

Surely you should want your sister and your guests there, no matter what they wear. It's your company the want.
Id tell em where to go if they kept on. They don't deserve guests if that's their attitude

Good for them. Just because your Mum is giving them money for the wedding, it does not mean she gets to dictate anything about the wedding. It's a shame she couldn't just give them the gift without strings attached.

Exactly, agree. Strong Miss Havisham vibes....

I just think, if you wear it in 6months time you’ll be upset as you don’t see your brother and his family.

your brother is always going to choose his wife. A partner is the only family you can pick, so he obviously really likes her to marry her.

your mum will still see your brother, she will want to keep out of your drama. So she’ll feel stressed and caught in the middle.

extended family will feel uncomfortable, brother and SIL won’t want to be around you.

I just think, for the sake of your mum and all your extended family just don’t wear it.

maybe text SIL and say “hey mum made a comment about maybe you thinking my dress would be too white, here is the link. Let me know what you think” and if she says no don’t put relationships at risk. Because it won’t be just your relationship with brother and SIL it’ll bring everyone involved.

sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to for the ones we love on their special day. Irrelevant of who’s paying for it.

Regardless of whether it is or isn't too white - you say you don't have the time to get a new one, and the wedding is THREE WEEKS away.

I've seen the link you posted, it's just a normal dress from a normal website, nothing bespoke or extraordinary, so OF COURSE you have the time to get another dress.

It doesn't matter who asked you not to wear it, whose wedding got cancelled last year, or who paid for the wedding. If the bride thinks it's too white (and the opinions here are mixed so she isn't exactly on her own) then yes, you get another dress.

Is it really worth the fallout if you wear it?

Good grief.

I'd assumed you were about 19.

Let’s have a summary of what you’ve written:

• Bride will not let your mother help with wedding even though mother helped pay for things
• Mother paid for ‘nonsense’
• You say you’ve no time to find another dress, you’ve 3 weeks and you’ve spent enough time on here to have ordered a different dress
• You’re equating your called off your wedding as the Bride and Groom trying to police what you are wearing
• Bride doesn’t have the balls to speak to you about the dress
• Bride is nosy because the groom, your brother has asked you if you’ve found a dress
• The dress that was seen is similar to the dress you’ve bought, the bride things the seen dress is too white
• You’ve made this all about you and will not change your dress because you are in a war with the bride, you and your mother are a pair in this strategy
• Because your mother has helped pay for some wedding things you should be able to wear what you want (white/whiteish/cream – with flowers)
• You will not say anything nice or kind about the bridge because this thread is about you and your dress LOL
• Because your mother has spent money on the wedding this means your mother is lovely LOL.
• Because your mother has spent money on the wedding it means the wedding in some ways the wedding is your mums wedding – bonkers,
• The Bridge and Groom are cowards because they won’t speak to you directly (I wonder why)
• The votes on here say you’re being unreasonable; you’ve now even managed to twist that into we all would not have if we had seen the dress when we first voted. Based on your subsequent posts I’d say 99% of us think you deliberately are setting out to destroy the wedding
• Despite the Bride giving in and letting your mother see her dress your mother has betrayed that trust by letting you know what the Bride’s dress is like
• You’ve described the Bride’s dress as OTT
• The wedding would not be taking place at all according to you if your mother hadn’t paid for things. Wow, just wow.
• A parent paying towards a child’s wedding gives that parent the say so on the wedding – my goodness

Conclusion

You are a petulant child, of mature years. You clearly want to outshine the bride. You’re raging your wedding was called off and think this justifies you behaving badly. By playing manipulative games with your SIL and brother.

Your mother is in league with you.Every step of the way. You can’t stand the bride. She’s wise to you. Your brother is wise to you too, he’s probably warned his Bride.

I’d bet anything the dress that was seen is another dress you’d purchased which you are sending back.

Nasty. The entire saga is nasty.

Agreed. @princesspicker said the other dress the bride saw was white with a floral pattern more evenly distributed. This dress has very minor floral additions with the cream portion being the dominant colour. If she didn't like one with more fulsome coverage of flowers, then you know she would find this inappropriate.

It does seem at this stage you're not willing to take on board that the majority of people are telling you that you are being unreasonable. You're clearly choosing to wear it to be goady.

Also... Never your mum's wedding regardless how much she's paid. Absolute batshit idea!!

Has she seen the fucking dress or not?

The post I quote says she hasn't yet your post at 12:27 says this

The dress she saw is mine, yes.

Are you actually okay @princesspicker ?

It is not her wedding to plan, @princesspicker. She can offer help - but it is their wedding, so they get to make the decisions.

This!!!! What else is there to say!? How could you do anything else in this situation!?

I am now, more than ever, thankful I am not, & never will, be married 😂😂

Let’s be honest. You and your mum don’t like her.

1. You call her brother’s girlfriend when she is his fiancée.
2. you say she is nosy.
3. your mum says she is dramatic.
4. In a further post you say your mum paid towards wedding, so you feel entitled to wear what you want.

If I know your brother and his fiancée, I would advise them to return your mum’s money because it comes with strings and judgments and do a civil wedding and a small party with friends who like them.

Also, your marriage getting cancelled last year has nothing to do with the dress you are going to wear at their wedding. There are several special dresses in other colours and why your mum has another similar dress which also happens to have white background? Are your mum and you going to be twinning in the wedding wearing white dresses with some flowers?

Op- AIBU?
Mumsnet- YES YABVU!
Op- No I’m not!

It doesn’t really matter what the strangers on the internet think, it’s not them who matter.
Why not just show the bride the dress, ask her if she feels it’s too white/ cream and if she says yes, buy something else.
as I say to my kids, just be nice 😊

OP..... wear whatever the hell you want. I'd object if you wore a full length, lacy bridal looking thing .... but otherwise WTF ?? It's not pure white.... it's floral.... it's PERFECTLY lovely for a wedding guest. Wear it...enjoy the wedding... and tell anyone who makes comments to feck off !!!!!

But I’m sister of the groom/my mum has paid so much money towards the wedding/she said no white, not cream/my own wedding was cancelled/I deserve to look nice

The dress isn’t even nice, sorry. It’s frumpy and old.

Well, if you ever decide to get married, make sure the man has a brother not a sister, and do not take any financial help from the in laws or you will have to accept your marriage is about them. Basically don’t fall in love with a man with sister. Life will be easy.

Depends on the sister. This specific one? Nope, no, and fuck no.

I’m sure of course that OP will have a calm and measured response to having her invite rescinded.