AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding?

[princesspicker]

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding. His gf saw my dress and said she thought it was inappropriate because she claims it’s white. The reality is that it’s not white, it has a red and green floral pattern. I don’t really have time to find a new dress but my brother keeps asking me if I’ve found something new, saying he and his gf are worried other guests will talk about me behind my back if I show up wearing something white (it’s not white!!). I think it’s so rude that they’re trying to police what I wear, especially when they know I had to call off my wedding last year and he’s my brother so I should get to wear something special to his wedding!

I feel very sorry for the bride and groom. Paying for their wedding is a gift, you don’t ask for a say in how someone uses a gift, the same goes for paying for a wedding. My dad paid for mine and didn’t behave like this. As for the dress, you’ve been asked not to, personally as a bride I wouldn’t have cared (someone wore an actual all white dress to my wedding and I had zero issues with it) but if I was asked not to wear something to the wedding by the bride and groom I’d absolutely put their feelings before my need to be quite so entitled. I think you’ve lost a bit of perspective here, wearing the dress will be done only to prove a point now, and the point will be “I don’t care what you want I am more important and I can do whatever I want” instead of just showing a bit of understanding and picking another beautiful dress to wear that doesn’t have white/ivory/cream as a dominant colour. It’ll be in their wedding pictures and videos that they will look back on fondly, to you it’s just a day and you won’t think about it again once it’s over. Why try to spoil it when it’s a minor request? This is not the hill
to die on

If the bride literally says it’s inappropriate then you obviously should’nt wear it.

It's really very simple. Don't wear a white/cream dress to a wedding unless you're the bride. Etiquette that has been around for generations. That's not policing anything, it's common sense.

A small floral pattern doesn't change the fact that OP's dress is a white dress.

The exact same dress is available in pink. Or there are literally thousands of alternatives.

This all seems to have gone crazy @princesspickerand I’ve read through all your replies but it’s still somewhat confusing!

So your brother saw one of your dresses at mums, asked if that was your mums dress for the wedding which he thought wasn’t appropriate because it was too white. It isn’t actually your mums dress but you are now concerned it’s all going to kick off if you wear the lovely dress you’ve already bought for the wedding because there are similarities?
So if he hadn’t seen the OTHER DRESS at mums no one would have been any wiser?
Hmmmm.

Do you think she is likely to get annoyed about the dress? You know her, we don’t.

Do you have a friend or other family member who knows her that you could check with?

I think the dress is lovely and isn’t a white meringue like the brides dress. Yes it is white/cream but with lovely floral patterns and would look gorgeous with bright coloured shoes (not white or cream) and maybe a shrug or jacket in a similar colour if needed. If you wear it, it needs to be accessorised with one of the deeper colours and not cream or white.

Maybe they are worried about how you will handle the day? It must have been awful cancelling your wedding, well done on being so brave, I’m sure you will meet the right person in future.

A small floral pattern doesn't change the fact that OP's dress is a white dress
It does though.

It doesn't though, white is still very much the dominant colour.

You are thinking that the bride might not like you wearing the dress. If you were at all interested in making the day successful and happy, you would send her a picture of it and ask her.

But it seems that really you want to wear the dress, knowing that she won't like it and you want to pretend to her that you had no idea that she would be upset - and how unreasonable she is.

I think you're a piece of work

To be honest if the bride is upset, please change your dress plans!

There's an insane thread about paying a ridiculous amount for a hen do elsewhere on mumsnet. Something daft like 7.5k .
Wouldn't it be funny if it was the same bride? Mums, aunties, and people on long haul flights are attending.

I don't understand why weddings have to be such pantomimes.

Luckily, i have never attended a pantomime wedding. I have observed some odd weddings when I have been out and about

But makes it not a white dress and therefore not remotely problematic.

If I wasn't on MN I wouldn't have ever had any notion anyone would have an issue with someone wearing a floral dress to a wedding, regardless of the background colour.

I don’t think the bride has even seen it or the OTHER DRESS at mums that her brother thinks is too white?

Oh no, absolutely not! The thought process/mentality here is wrong. You don’t give money toward a wedding to purchase a stake in the wedding planning! Utter madness. Any money given is a gift that goes towards what the bride and groom would like. Your DM certainly shouldn’t expect to stick her oar in about meal options etc!

This is really strange and bitter way of looking at this. If someone gifts money towards a wedding they should make it clear before it's accepted if it comes with conditions attached. Otherwise it is a gift and doesn't mean that person gifting gets a say in how it's used.

A lot of people get help from parents to pay for weddings it doesn't mean it's not their wedding. 😂

There's a lot to be said for paying for your own wedding-or weddings in my case!

I'm at a loss to know why OP is replying /disagreeing with eveyone on here.
It's up to her if she wants to wear the dress, personally I wouldn't it's the bride and grooms day.
She sounds quite petulant and a little bitter because her only wedding fell through hence the wanting to wear a 'special dress' to her.
But it's not about you OP, plenty of lovely dresses out there to choose from, there is no apparent excuse not to buy another. Unless you want to permantly damage relations with your b and sil.
Your choice, makes no difference to randoms on MN what you wear, you asked a question we answered.

Too right! This is why DH and I didn’t accept a penny from his parents towards our wedding as strings were so clearly attached.

I actually can’t beleive the op is in her 40s., genuinely surprised at that,

You and your Mum sound like the in-laws from hell.

I hope that your brother doesn't choose you over his wife as if he does she's going to have a horrible life until the marriage inevitably ends.

It's not your wedding, it's not your Mum's wedding, and you've deliberately chosen that dress to wind her up.

YABVU but you've already decided you're not.

What the bride wants on her wedding day is beside the point? It's not her wedding?!

I suspect with the attitudes displayed on this thread, your brother and his wife will be no contact with both you and your mother in a short while anyway.

It's their wedding. One day in their lives, and you can't behave like normal people. It's not about either of you.

this is excellent rage bait - well done OP

Do direct your poor sister in law to mumsnet tho, as clearly you are the golden child and the poor brother is the scapegoat. SIL probably has a MIL issue incoming!

don't wear the dress, you will look like a dick (a white dick with a floral pattern)

My friend who got married recently banned me from wearing this exact dress because it was white.

It is the lemon side of cream in the ship.

I didnt wear it as it tainted it for me but I was really cross. Especially as she wore a white white dress with a fee flowers on it to my wedding.

I'm not saying any floral dress with a white background is a no, of course not, but this particular dress is very much dominated by the white.

<looks at pic of floral dress>

Don't wear it or don't go. This is someone's wedding day for God's sake. Have some good grace and stop acting like a twat. Reassure them you will buy something without any white/cream, or if your toxic personality stops you from doing that, uninvite yourself.

I think the Op comes across really badly but I think the dress would be fine.

It's obviously not a wedding dress which I would have thought was the thinking behind the no white idea.

It's their wedding, not a mother of the groom event.

She's gifting them the money. That entitles her to precisely nothing to say about how they run their wedding.

Your bro and his fiancee are fine. You and your mom sound like gigantic pain in the asses who want attention if your mom really wants to barge and take over the wedding planning and you wear something you know won't be liked. Of all the fucking colours of the rainbow, you have to wear a mostly white dress to a wedding. Let's just say the attention you get you will not enjoy.